Diane will be back posting next Monday after she gets back from her fabulous trip to Spain! Hopefully we’ll get to hear all about it!
In the meantime, I wanted to share an experience of my own with you. My family and I recently decided that it was time for my mother to move in with us for several reasons. I felt such a mixture of emotions at the thought: happiness because I’ll see her more and because I’ll be there if she needs anything medically; apprehension because of our past relationship (though it has since been healed); and wariness that I might fall back into my childhood relationship patterns with her.
She’s only been here a couple of days and I have to keep myself from treating her like a guest. My impulse is to ask, “Can I do something or get something for you?” In reality, all she wants is to find her own way and settle into her own routine that is harmonious with ours. My offers to do things for her would just enable her to be more dependent than independent, and neither of us want that.
We have agreed on a code of complete honesty, even if that may mean hurt feelings. We have discovered the hard way through the years that mind reading is just not possible!
This is a big change for all of us, and I struggle to remember that. Holding myself back from offering things and allowing myself to be calm in spite of my mother’s habitual anxiety is a challenge. But my intuition is telling me that this is a good situation, so I’m focusing on an attitude of gratitude instead of stressing out. It’s not easy, but I am worth it – and so are YOU!
2 thoughts on “Big Changes”
Having done this myself I would not have changed a thing . There were days while my mother was alive that I screamed into a pillow or cried or sometimes even laughed. She lived with us until she died ,through dementia,cookie baking,mystery dinners and weddings. It added richness to our lives and I miss her greatly.
I am finding this same thing, Shelley. I am pleasantly surprised!!
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