Happy Birthday, Diane! Thank you for sharing your wisdom here on Living Self-Care. We wish you peace and joy today and always!
Tag: diane sanford
Healthy Living at the Holidays: The Gift of Attention
I got so busy this past week, I forgot that an interview I’d done weeks ago was coming out in a St.Louis magazine, Town and Style. Today when I opened my e-mail, I had a link to a post about “Killing Off Supermom,” and how women are still striving and killing themselves to “have and be it all.” Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Often, when my own attention becomes scattered that I’m not thinking about what I may need to consider, the universe sends me a message (usually multiple ones) to alert me that I’ve strayed. Yes, it happens to all of us even with a daily mediation practice. No woman is exempt. Ever.
This time it’s the holidays! While I haven’t been baking cookies or putting up decorations, I’m still the one who sends out cards, buys gifts, keeps the pantry stocked, makes plans, etc. Although I don’t “feel busy,” I realize I must be and that I’ve grown so accustomed to over-doing, I hardly notice. I’m not complaining, I’ve put myself here and I’m the only one who can get myself out.
Then, the universe reminds me again that the real present of life is our presence. To show up and pay attention to your life in this moment is a priceless gift to yourself and your loved ones. Thomas Moore, a psychologist and spiritual teacher said, “In the twenty-first century, attention will be the new aphrodisiac.”
This season, turn off your to-do list, your worries, your cell phone, your tablet and “be here now.” Each moment is precious. Your attention is the best gift of all.
Happy Holidays!
Give the Gift of Self-Compassion
At the holidays, we often get caught up in what to buy our family and friends. Sometimes, we even sneak a little something in for ourselves. What we frequently overlook though is being kind, patient and loving towards ourselves as we weather the ups and downs the season and many of our family gatherings bring.
Last week in Psychology Today online, a group of 25 women bloggers posted about how they practice self-compassion in their lives, and had some great advice which we wanted to share with you here today. Here’s what a few of them had to say. For the complete article, click here.
Drop Self-Judgment
For me it means dropping self-judgment every time I notice it—from eating too much chocolate last night to procrastinating writing my novel this morning to being envious of a friend this afternoon. It is the act of dropping my story that I am bad, wrong, less than, not spiritual, not progressing.
Put Self-Care First
My greatest challenge and learning from this practice is that self-care and compassion has to come first—not after I’ve taken care of others, or done my work for the day, but as my first priority.
Show Up for Yourself
The most intimate relationship we will have in our entire lifetime is with ourselves. No one hears our hearts the way we do. No one knows our hurts the way we do. We are the sages of our soft spots and our edges. Self-compassion is showing up to that relationship with honesty and with love.
Let Yourself Fail
Self-compassion means not having to be right all the time. Letting myself off the hook if I’ve tried my best and things didn’t come out like I wanted. A lot of it is forgiveness. I get to be a mortal. I don’t have to be better or stronger than other people. I get to just be a fallible, wonderful, person like everyone else. It means I’m not special, but in a good way.
Forgive Yourself
Oh, and how do I practice self compassion? Easy. I am constantly forgiving myself. Forgiving myself when I judge another to be wrong, when I judge myself as less than… and judge the world for what I see as “bad”. Practicing self-compassion is saying “I forgive myself, for I know not what I see/do.” over and over again.
Give yourself the gift of self-compassion this holiday season. You’ll be glad you did!
Life Lessons from A Mogul-Mom-and Maid
For the past 20+ years, I’ve had a successful business in women’s health psychology. Two years before that, I became a mom and had no idea what it would be like to combine work and motherhood. The maid part has always suffered, although I was the main “cook” in my home especially when my daughters were young. From my journey as a mogul, mom and maid, here’s what I’ve learned:
1. You can’t “have it all” at once. At different times in my life, one of these roles has required more of my time and attention. My 25 year-old still reminds me how I missed her first “double-digit” birthday to attend a professional workshop out-of-town. Similarly, I turned down opportunities to promote my professional life because I wanted time with my children and family. As my children reached their tweens, I made certain to be home after school the days I wasn’t in my office to stay connected with them. Now, I have two twenty-something daughters who are caring, successful young women who are making their own mark on the world.
2. You can “have it all” sequentially. Since my children are almost launched, I have more time to devote to my business and service activities. Even with older children, I’ve learned that parenting never ends, but the concentrated time you spend and the energy it takes eases some. I still make certain to make time to talk when they call or be available when they need me, but I have more time for close friends, personal interests and my marriage. My “maid” part is happily de-cluttering our home because as I get older, I discover less need for stuff and more for simplicity.
3. Being “successful” is in the eye of the beholder. Earlier in my life as a mom and mogul, I wanted success to be all about me and how well I was doing at seamlessly combining motherhood and business woman. Of course, I wasn’t (no one can) but that was my goal. I also wanted more of everything, money-power-status-stuff. Everywhere it seemed, I saw other women scaling career heights never before imagined and they had children and families too. Then I realized that their families and personal lives were suffering (back to lesson #1-You can’t have it all), and instead of reaching for the stars, re-evaluated my definition of success.
4. Success changes at each life stage. While as a younger woman, I defined success primarily by what I’d achieved in my career and professional life, my feeling successful has much more to do with my role as a mom and person. Nothing is more important to me than raising my children to be caring, responsible, honest human beings who act with integrity and compassion. Likewise, it’s continuing to ask myself what I can do today to make the world a better and more loving place to live in. These are my current measures of success.
What are yours?
Many thanks to Liz O’Donnell for hosting this Mogul, Mom & Maid Blog Carnival. Please check out her new book at http://www.mogulmommaid.com or visit her blog at http://www.helloladies.com.
Welcome to Our New Look!
You may have noticed that this page looks a little (or a LOT) different! In anticipation of a new year, we are proud to present you with a new look!
Check in on Mondays for posts from Dr. Diane Sanford and on Thursdays for posts from Stacey Glaesmann! We are re-focusing our energy and providing our readers with consistent, uplifting, relevant posts that you will be able to draw positive energy from.
We also have a surprise in the works! Keep checking back – or even better, subscribe – so you won’t miss out on our big announcement!
All our love and respect,
Diane and Stacey
To Reduce Stress-Simply Breathe
It’s been a while since we’ve posted but finally life seems to be quieting down (I probably shouldn’t say that too loud) and I’ve missed writing and connecting with each of you. Since opening the Midwest Mind Body Health Center in St. Louis last October, I’ve not had much time to “catch my breath” which is an excellent way to reduce stress and the subject of this post.
By learning to focus our attention on our breath “without judgement” we can help settle our bodies and minds which are often tense and overloaded. The breath offers an opportunity for mindful awareness because it occurs without us having to do anything. All we have to do is “notice” the sensation of breath as it moves through our body. No more. No less.
If this sounds too good to be true it isn’t. Until I started studying mindfulness a few years ago, I didn’t believe these practices which include “breath awareness” could be so effective in relieving stress and tension but they can. In March there was even an article in the New York Times about mindfulness to reduce stress and worry. Seems everyone is catching the “mindfulness” bug.
To help you get started, here’s a link to the YouTube video I made so the students in my May “Mindful Stress Reduction Class” could practice “Simply Breathe”-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWmHn_YMsp8. However, as the NY Times article says, “If you don’t practice, it won’t work.”
So, here’s to your health one breath at a time. Enjoy!
Happy Birthday Diane!
Beauty comes in many forms–and there is no form more beautiful than you. Just exactly as you are, this minute, right now, without changing a thing…you are beautiful. Beautiful enough to take God’s breath away. – Neale Donald Walsch
Let There Be Light
I just got off the phone with a good friend of mine, Chris Miles, founder of Global Exercise Group, a company offering a holistic approach to lower back pain, which he’s just launched. I called him because I needed his advice about a situation I’ve encountered where politics has led to good people being harmed. Knowing his business acumen and character, I thought he could help me sort this out. He did.
Chris left the corporate world last year after watching countless examples of good people being sacrificed to corporate politics while others became drones of the status quo. A world I’ve managed to avoid (mostly) by being self-employed for the last 20 years. In listening to him, I realized that unfortunately the situation I find myself in is much like he described.
Chris is one of the “lights” in my life, supporting me in doing the best I can as a business owner and person. In The Four Agreements, one of my personal favorites, Don Miguel Ruiz’es Fourth Agreement is “Always do your best,” and I believe as he does that each of us has a responsibility to do so. What do we do then when we find ourselves in a situation where we are supposed to have the authority to make things better but aren’t allowed to due to politics? The solution I’m arriving at is to invest my energy instead in situations in which I can help create a positive outcome and let go of those I can’t.
Ah, the Serenity Prayer again. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”
So, that’s my practice for this week. What about you?
Happy Holidays!
To our faithful readers: we are in self-care mode as we enjoy the holidays with our families. Feel free to browse the archives for tips on how to make the holidays more pleasant for yourself and your family!
Diane and I wish you the happiest of holidays, whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, Kwanzaa, the beautiful lights of Diwali or any other holiday that is special for you! May peace be in your home and may you put yourself first so that you may enjoy things, too!
Love – Stacey and Diane
Happy Thanksgiving!
We here at Living Self-Care would like to wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving! This year has been full of changes for us, and I think I can speak for Diane when I say we are very grateful for each and every one of them.
When things happen, they’re just things. We are responsible for what we label them (good or bad). It’s hard to imagine something like a cancer diagnosis being something GOOD, but I have also heard from several survivors and current cancer patients that their diagnosis and journey has ultimately changed them for the better.
It’s easy to be thankful for the obviously positive things in life, but most of the time, the negative (or what we label as “bad”) presents a learning opportunity. The trick is to be open minded and try to look at the situation outside of your usual way of thinking. There’s usually the proverbial “silver lining” to be found, and I truly believe there is no such thing as failure, only lessons.
This year, as challenging as the change has been, I am so thankful that my mother moved in with us. We don’t have to worry about each other long distance anymore. And though we bump heads often, I am so thankful that we are learning how to relate to each other again (in a much more healthy manner this time).
As you go about your Thanksgiving traditions, remember that there are so many things to be grateful for – even the things that you may have categorized as “awful.” Have a safe and happy one!!
All of our love,
drdianesanford.com 