Tag: Mindfulness

Wait-Watch-Listen

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

It’s so easy to get caught up in the frenzy of daily life, we often forget that the answers to our problems aren’t instantaneous like a text message.  Because most women are “fixers,”, it’s challenging to wait for the solution to emerge rather than forcing our agenda.  One of the lessons my younger daughter taught me is to take a break when we’re at an impasse rather than pursuing her doggedly which rarely ends well.

Along these lines, I’ve been practicing the skills of “wait-watch-listen” to keep myself from overreacting to situations and build confidence that “the need goes out and the answer appears.”  While I may have been more skeptical years ago, I’ve seen enough evidence now to trust this works.  Sometimes it takes more time than I’m willing to give it, but I’m learning to be patient.

Today I had lunch with a good friend who brought me the solution to a problem I’ve had.  Although I hadn’t figured it out myself, I had decided to wait until a clear answer emerged because none of my ideas had worked.   So I kept telling myself, “Don’t take action or make any decisions until you’re certain of how to proceed.”  I wasn’t, but when my good friend made her suggestion, I knew it was the way to go.

Life has a way of unfolding although not necessarily on our schedule.  The next time you feel stuck, watch and listen for the answer you’re seeking.  It’s well worth the wait!

You Can’t Give Away What You Don’t Possess

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Regarding self-sacrifice as a badge of honor comes from our very best intentions. We’ve been told that when we put others’ needs first, we’ll feel so good about ourselves that our needs will diminish. While this is often true about our desires, it is dangerously incorrect about our needs.

Our primary need is for love. Conditioning taught us to look for others to meet this: parents, siblings, friends, lovers and even our children. This dynamic would often require our significant others to suppress their needs in favor of ours. This can’t be love. Furthermore, there is nobody who can love you
the way you need to be loved — with one exception: YOU!

Love is best demonstrated with time and attention. We must give ourselves all the time and attention we need, so that our soul is overflowing with love. We can’t contain it.  We must give it away!  Free from unmet needs, your loved ones will sense the pure joy you derive from the relationship. They’ll neither feel defensive about disappointing you, nor will they act out in order to get your attention.

Real Mom Laura Nash

Only you know what you need. Only you can provide it. Take the time to check-in with yourself.  Discern your wants from your needs.  Extend love to yourself through self-care and your soul will soar.   

Today’s author Laura Nash is a consultant and Chopra-certified meditation instructor who teaches individuals and companies “peace of mind” skills.  Visit her an http://www.lauranash.com.

The Miracle of Everyday Life

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Each January, we resolve to change ourselves and our ways so this year will be better than the year before.  We plan to be more organized, more motivated, more disciplined.  Always ” more,” and when we don’t succeed, we feel unhappy, inadequate and disappointed.  While goals are desirable, the miracle of everyday life is equally important.

Buddha  said, “Each morning we are born again.  What we do today is what matters most.”  Life occurs in the present.  If our gaze is too much on the future or in the past, we lose the chance to experience the abundance life offers.

I remember when my daughters were in elementary school and would burst in the door, chattering about the day.  Sometimes, I would listen.  Other times, I was occupied with work or making dinner, and wouldn’t  pay much attention.  I recall the disappointment on their faces when they saw I wasn’t interested.  Likewise, I recall how much I missed those chances during middle school and high school when it was far more important that they speak to their friends than me.

Now when they’re around and want to talk, I stop and listen.  At 18 and 22, they may not be around much longer.  I savor our moments together, and know it’s what matters most.  Buddha also said, “If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.”  Look for the miracle each day brings.  It’s right in front of us waiting to be found.

Diane's daughters

How to Make the Most of Your New Year’s Resolutions

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Everyone starts the New Year’s with the best intentions.  Determined to make changes to improve their lives in significant ways.  And what happens?  Most of us fail miserably.  Instead of aiming for the moon, we need to undertake small, attainable goals.  Like practicing self-care 15 minutes a day (which many have remarked is difficult enough).

Breaking the change into smaller steps can  make it easier to achieve.  For example, if someone wants to lose 50 pounds this year, start with losing 1-2 pounds each week.  To do this, a person has to reduce their daily calorie intake by 500 calories each day or increase their activity to burn an extra 500 calories a day.  Doesn’t this sound less daunting?  By changing how we think about our goals, we can improve our motivation and persistence.

Likewise, it’s important to set our daily attention on what we want to do different.  When we get up in the morning, spend 5 minutes visualizing the desired change and let it be known that “Today I will make this happen.”  Once the intention is set, go about the day normally.  Remember,  life responds to what we put our attention and intention on.

Finally, if we get off track, don’t become self-critical.  Since what we think about expands, this only leads to feeling worse and diminishing motivation and persistence.  Instead, use this as a learning opportunity to re-evaluate what may need to be done and re-calibrate the next step.  Each moment affords  a new choice.  Success is only a step away.