Tag: stress relief

Sex Is Good for Our Brains-Who Knew???

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

According to a recent article by Dr. Oz, sex has some of the same stress-relieving benefits as exercise. In a recent animal study, they found that daily sexual experiences over two-weeks, reduced the release of cortisol, a major stress hormone, increased the brain’s ability to create and support new brain cells, and decreased anxietylike behavior.

Sound like good news? It would be except many women report losing their interest and desire for sex as they get older, and especially once they become moms. Likewise, negative messages they learned growing up may intensify their lack of libido.

For women, sexual desire derives from emotional as well as physical chemistry. Women want to feel an emotional connection with their partners, and when this is absent as often happens over time especially when raising a family, sexual interest diminishes. Midlife is a time when men and women often turn to affairs to  rekindle the spark they once felt with their original partner. However, once the honeymoon ends with the new partner, sexual desire may fade too.

The solution is that we must nourish our relationships with our current partners like we do our children, friends or anyone we love. Then emotional intimacy kindles desire and physical intimacy kindles an emotional connection. And the added benefit, sex is good for our brains. Who Knew???

I’m writing a new book about hormones, libido/desire and intimacy in women. If you have questions or would like to share your stories, please comment or e-mail realmomexperts@gmail.com.

Stop “Living in the Wreckage of the Future”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Continuing our conversation about how to free ourselves from the unhealthy  thinking habits we’ve cultivated for years, today’s post is about how to stop “living in the wreckage of the future.”  This is a phrase one of my clients taught me from AA which is intended to help folks in recovery not “catastrophize” about what tomorrow will bring and live “one day at a time.”  In truth, none of us knows what’s ahead but we like to believe we do to experience a sense of control and predictability about life.

Mark Twain said, “Most of my life’s worst experiences never actually happened.”  This quote is about how many of our worst expectations and fears don’t materialize although we think about them so much that we frighten and worry ourselves as if they had.  Recall the last time you were convinced something bad would happen and it didn’t.  How did you feel?  Was there a sense of relief or not?  Often we’ve built up so much anticipatory anxiety, it still takes days to calm down.

A new day

Since August is often stressful as kids return to school and we leave summer behind, opportunity for “living in the wreckage of the future” looms large.  So, tell your “catastrophizing self” I appreciate your concern but what I really need  is for you to shut up.  While this isn’t easy, with practice it improves and we can rest in the awareness that the present moment is usually okay.