Author: Dr. Diane Sanford

Psychologist Dr. Diane Sanford has been passionate about helping women improve their health and lead happier lives since counseling her first postpartum mom 25 years ago. She has re-focused her efforts on mind/body health, which is a part of greater Self-Care.

What Is Happiness – Really?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in October Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

A friend recently directed me to a website called The Happiness Project. Basically, it chronicles a woman’s quest to find happiness in several areas of her life. She is very insightful and has some great ideas!

Happiness is something everyone aspires to, but have you given any thought to what happiness means to YOU? 99% of my clients list “to be happy” as one of their goals for therapy. When I ask them what “happy” means, I usually get confused or blank looks.

Happy means feeling happy, right? Well, do you think it’s possible to feel happy 100% of the time? Even the spiritually enlightened, such as Eckhart Tolle in modern days, and Buddha in times past, acknowledge that all feelings are fleeting – even happiness. So if it is not possible to feel happy all the time, how does one achieve the goal of “to be happy?”

I usually ask my clients to think of a time when they felt really happy, joyous even. I ask how long that feeling lasted. I have gotten answers anywhere from “a few minutes” to “a couple of weeks,” but no one has even said that the feeling was permanent. As I ask them to dissect that memory and feeling, setting the actual joy aside, most people come to the conclusion that inner peace and/or contentment is what lingered the longest.

The grand question is, “How do I get inner peace?” I wish I had a single answer that would work for everyone or have access to a magic pill. Since I don’t, let me tell you what I have learned from my clients and my own experiences. First, realize how little control you really have over your life. The only thing you have the ability to control is your own behavior. You can’t control other people, circumstances or events. So, if you are unhappy in some area of your life, either change your own behavior or work on accepting the fact that it is what it is and you can’t change it. Once you get a firm grasp of this concept, techniques such as meditation, yoga, aerobic exercise and mindfulness will be helpful in acquiring the inner peace you seek. Once you stop trying to control everything, you’ll free up some inner resources that can help lighten your emotional load.

 

Have a Good Day

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, September tips

Today was a good day. It started this morning after a restful night’s sleep and having a warm, soothing cup of Zen tea. I spent some time online, looking for phones for my new office, did laundry, and watched “Income Property” during my excellent lunch of chicken wild rice soup my husband made. Yum.

Then I ran errands, went by my new office and bribed my sister to join me there with a container of my husband’s soup. She said she’d come by a week ago but hadn’t. It was good to have another set of eyes to look at how we’re finishing the space. We had a good laugh about how OCD we can be over furniture positioning, then went on our way.

(All readers who live in and around Saint Louis, are welcome to drop by my new location, the Midwest Mind Body Health Center at 501 N. Lindbergh on Monday, Tuesday or Thursday from 9-5. Call ahead to make certain we’re in-314-991-5666).

When I got home the sun was shining as I sat on my beautiful front porch sipping my Starbuck’s Pumpkin Latte. Even better, I got to do yoga and meditate outdoors. Finally, my husband Steve and I fixed dinner together and now I’m writing this blog. A fine ending to a good day.

This week, notice what you do that feels good, no matter how small. Remember, most good days are filled with smaller, enjoyable moments. Savoring life’s goodness decreases stress and improves health and well-being.

Enjoy your week!

How Much is Your Decal Giving Away?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in October Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

In the past few years, it seems to have become fashionable to advertise your children’s activities or your family structure on the back window of your vehicle. It’s all in good fun, and parents as well as kids feel proud to display their achievements. But exactly how much information are you really giving out to strangers?

 

From the decal above, we can figure out that there are 2 parents, 3 boys and 2 dogs. It appears as if this family enjoys surfing and boogie-boarding. That’s pretty vague isn’t it? But what happens when you use a more specific decal?

 

Now we know there’s a boy named Bobby who plays baseball in jersey # 18. If you live in a big city, this still leaves a lot of questions as to who “Bobby” might be. If you live in a small town, this may tell you exactly who Bobby is! And believe it or not, decals get even more specific than this!

I was behind a mani-van that had a sticker on the back that advertised a Cub Scout Pack, gave the Pack number and the name of the child! All I would have to do is a minimal amount of research on the Internet to find out where and when this pack meets, show up and ask for the child whose name I saw on the back of the van. If I were to really conduct this kind of experiment, I would hand the child a letter, telling his or her parents how I found the child, how easy it was to do and to encourage a little more anonymity in public.

I wish I could say it’s a completely safe world out there, but we all know that I’d be lying. Taking care of yourself and your family often times means using your common sense and critical thinking skills instead of following the pack blindly. There are many decals that don’t give away much information, but if you have one that might, please remove it and spread the word to others. We want all of our readers to be safe and happy!

Where the Magic Happens

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, October Tips

They say that “Magic happens when you’re willing to step outside your comfort zone” and that’s where I’ve spent the last six months, creating the Midwest Mind Body Health Center which opens today. When I first decided to enter this unknown territory, I reached out to another mind-body-spirit counseling professional, Maria Carella, who embraced the idea with the same enthusiasm I had. Next, I spoke with another amazing woman, Janet K, who I’ve known for 20+ years who agreed to be our office manager. In the past few weeks, I’ve discovered that no task is too daunting and she takes care of whatever I need-no worries. Pure magic.

After Janet, I ran into Shirley Stoll, our meditation instructor, at a Chopra Center meditation and yoga retreat. Next, I was introduced to Jen McCurdy, one of our counseling providers, through a chance conversation with my good friend and colleague, Executive Director of Mother to Mother, Linda Meyer. A couple weeks later, Jen, Maria and I were at a Mother to Mother fundraiser together (which we didn’t plan), and Maria told me Jen was the woman she wanted me to speak with about becoming part of our team. After that, my massage therapist Sage Kuhlmann who’s also a yoga instructor, joined. Then I contacted another psychologist, Megan Keyes, who I’d known for years through her family and thought would be too busy, but she was interested too.

And the magic didn’t stop there. My husband Steve supported me unconditionally from encouragement that things would work out despite setbacks to moving the contents of my entire office. There were also countless friends and family who kept me going with hopefulness when I’d misplaced mine. While I felt stretched and challenged, I didn’t feel  alone.

Goethe said, “What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”

Once again, I learned how much can be gained by stepping outside your comfort zone. Now, I’m encouraging you to do the same. That’s where you discover magic. I promise.

(Thanks to Shannon Hutson for inspiring this post)

Web Therapy: New Options for New Moms

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in September tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

If any of you have seen Web Therapy starring Lisa Kudrow on Showtime, then you know that this type of interaction is possible (though we hope no counselor is as awful as Kudrow’s character). Therapy is indeed coming into the 21st Century, with resources available to folks that may have had none before.

Regroup Therapy is one such example of how resources are reaching out to new moms instead of them having to research, coordinate and get to a therapist’s office. Regroup offers both group and individual sessions from the comfort of your own home or office. Each group and session is led by a licensed mental health professional with extensive training in the field of perinatal mood disorders. Clients just need a computer with a web cam, a microphone and head phones or earbuds, which most modern machines come equipped with.

This service is useful in many situations. Folks who live far away from any resources, moms who may be just too depressed to get to an appointment, new moms who want a group experience where no groups are available, and even moms who like the less personal interaction with a therapist on the computer screen can all benefit from Regroup’s services.

I am proud to be a part of Regroup, and ask that you spread the word to anyone who may benefit from a service like this. Please take a look at our website and stay tuned for exciting new things to come! Therapy can be a very vital part of self-care, and with Regroup, it can be much easier, too!

 

Regroup: We Bring the Support to You

Introducing the Midwest Mind Body Health Center

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, September tips

After many weeks of uncertainty about my new office, I can finally announce that on Oct. 1, the Midwest Mind Body Health Center will be open for business. In addition to the counseling services I’ve always provided, we’ll be offering weekly classes and multi-session workshops in mind-body practices including mindfulness, meditation and yoga. Research has shown that these practices can help reduce stress, depression and anxiety and improve health and well-being.

I could go on for hours, but instead check out the new website at www.mindbodystl.com.  And remember, “Self-care is like chocolate; you can never have enough.”

Namaste.

Buying “Stuff”: Necessity or Luxury?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in September tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I think we all can agree that our American society is more consumer-oriented now than ever before in history. Whether you call it “keeping up with the Joneses” or “retail therapy,” the things that used to be luxuries are starting to be perceived as necessities. Cable TV used to be something wealthy people had when I was growing up. Now, if you don’t have cable, you must live in a cave! One of the biggest problems with this attitude is that many people are sacrificing their financial self-care for buying “stuff.”

I was reading last week’s People Magazine and came upon a blurb about purses. Apparently a designer named Jil Sander took some plain brown paper bags, stamped them with her name, and put them on boutique shelves with a price tag of $290.00. Guess what? She can’t keep them on the shelves because they are selling so well! These are brown paper bags, people! They are the kind we pack “sack lunches” or carry our groceries in! Consumerism has obviously gotten out of hand.

Jil Sander’s $290 paper bag “Vasari” purse

It is difficult to find someone who is debt-free these days. Some debts are just necessary, such as a mortgage, school loans and even car loans. But if you’re paying off a $290 brown paper bag purse, you are neglecting your financial self-care! There are so many financial advice gurus out there that I’m not going to attempt to explain any remedies for debt. I am, however, going to encourage you to really think about each purchase you make on your credit card(s). Stop and look closely at the item, then ask yourself, “Do I really need this?” This simple process can help keep those credit card balances down to a reasonable amount.

When we talk about self-care, many people get mental pictures of women getting manicures and massages (which is great if you can afford it). But there’s so much more to self-care than that. You can apply it to every area of your life, including your financial responsibilities. So, stop trying to keep up with the Joneses (or Kardashians) and live within the parameters of your/your family’s individual situation. No one is in your exact situation, but modeling fiscal responsibility sure can make them want to keep up with YOU!

This Too Shall Pass

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, September tips

Reading Stacey’s post last week, reminded me that life is full of joy and sorrow, loss and gain. These shifts occur in a day, week, months or years. How do we keep going? Here’s what I decided to do.

Monday I discovered my colleagues leaving the practice I started and will be maintaining, sent marketing info out which prompted a nurse from one of the groups I work closely with to call and ask if Women’s Healthcare Partnership (my practice) was breaking up. I was worried and distressed. But, I had a cancellation the next hour so I phoned the group’s office manager to tell her Women’s Healthcare Partnership was not breaking up and arranged for them to visit my new location. I felt relieved. The same day, I got home to discover these colleagues had sent an e-mail with both their pictures on it after one of them told me she didn’t know anything about it. I felt angry and upset. However, Wednesday I signed my new lease and can finally move ahead with my plans to open the Midwest Mind Body Health Center on Oct. 1. Yeah!

How did I cope? I reminded myself of the story of King Solomon’s ring. As the story goes, King Solomon heard of a magical ring that had the power to make happy people sad, and sad people happy so he sent his minister out to find it. He was about to abandon the search when he came across a wise jeweler who said he’d heard of such a ring and would make him one. Taking a plain gold band he engraved four words in it. When the ring was delivered, King Solomon recognized the simple wisdom it contained, for engraved in the band were the words, “This too shall pass.”

Life is constantly changing. This is the hard and promising truth. Light becomes dark and dark turns to light in a single day.  Next time you face adversity, stress or just unpleasant feelings,  remember “This too shall pass.”

A Different Take on 9/11

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in September tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

The 9/11 tragedy affected so many people on so many different levels. Of course, there was loss, hatred, patriotism, conspiracy and a myriad of other feelings and consequences that came out of the loss of the World Trade Center in 2001. But what about the people who have birthdays and anniversaries on this significant date? What do they experience every year?

Dora* and Andrew* will have been married 11 years on September 11, 2012. They were married in a modest ceremony in a small town in southeast Texas. They had seriously considered postponing the wedding after watching what had happened that morning. Their friends and family convinced them to go ahead with the weekday wedding, as they didn’t know when Andrew would be available again. He had an offshore job that took him away from home for weeks at a time.

“Even 10 years after the whole World Trade Center thing, we get strange looks if we’re out celebrating our anniversary at a restaurant. We’ve even had one guy tell us that we were heartless for having a good time!” Andrew recalls. “When is this ever going to stop?”

Dora and Andrew are by no means alone. Over 10,000 babies were born on September 11, 2001. As it was a weekday, not as many weddings took place. However in 2004, when 9/11 fell on a Saturday, 8,000 weddings were held across the country. Reasons for choosing this date range from “taking back that day as a happy one,” to “honoring a fallen loved one.”

While birth dates are not as widely chosen as happen by chance, children born on that fateful day will turn 11 years old this year. Amanda*, a rambunctious 4th grader, has always known that something was different about her birthday. “Sometimes, people are sad on my birthday,” she says, frowning. “But everybody at my party is happy!” Her mother, Sandy*, says that she has experienced all kinds of reactions to party invitations she sends home with Amanda’s classmates. “I had one mom call me and yell at me once,” she remembers. “She asked me how I could be so thoughtless – like I had any say in when my daughter was born!” Most people are very gracious, Sandy says. “They realize this is a little girl’s birthday party and nothing else. Amanda hasn’t ever had a bad experience with her birth date.”

Perhaps the country will always mourn each year when September 11 rolls around. But for 10,000 kids and countless couples, that date will be special to them for entirely different – and joyous – reasons.

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons

Redefining Happiness

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Monday Musings

The other night I dreamt I went to camp again. The dream was a hodgepodge of camp activities which I will refrain from describing, but, suffice it to say, I was genuinely happy. For a moment, when I woke up, I thought I was really in my cabin at camp, but as my eyes adjusted to the dark and my mind cleared, I realized I wasn’t anywhere close to camp. Instead I was alone in my apartment, and all too quickly I remembered that instead of having a day of kayaking and sun-bathing ahead, all I had to look forward to was doing practice questions to prepare for my upcoming exam. That’s when I started to cry.

After the tears subsided, I grabbed my computer to search for quotes online, something I like to do when I’m feeling blue, and stumbled across a quote by Leonardo da Vinci that said, “Once you have flown, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward; for there you have been, there you long to return.”

And, while I didn’t literally long to fly, I did long for the happy, carefree life I once had. For the time when I was able to spend four hours a day at dance practice. Or six hours making dinner and dessert for my friends. Or a morning doing absolutely nothing.

As I lay in bed, reminiscing about my pre-medical school life, I slowly began to acknowledge my current life really isn’t so terrible—it’s just different. So, I decided it’s time for me to redefine happiness. Instead of happiness being doing whatever I want whenever I want, I need to start looking for happiness in what I already have. I have a great group of friends and a loving family. I’m healthy. I’m physically and mentally capable of doing anything I set my mind to. And I’m well on my way to a highly rewarding career as a doctor.

Just as I am trying to do, I encourage you to consider if perhaps it’s time for you to redefine what happiness is and to look for all the wonderful things you already possess instead of longing for what once was and will not be again.

Today’s guest author is Jessica Sanford, med student extraordinaire and Diane’s wonderful daughter.

What can you do to redefine happiness in your life? Let us know.