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So, this week I’ve been challenging everyone to perform random acts of kindness daily. Little did I know when I started this challenge how many random acts of kindness would come my way. Although I wasn’t planning to post until next week, this story is so inspiring, I wanted to share it.

Last night, my daughter Jessica flew in from Salt Lake City where she interviewed to become an anesthesia resident to St.Louis to interview tomorrow for an anesthesia residency position at Washington University. Her flight was on time but her luggage didn’t arrive. All her interview clothes were in her luggage and it became clear that it might not get here on time.

Now Jessica is the kind of person who plans out every detail of her life and this did not sit well with her. Instead of relaxing Sunday as planned, we rushed to the mall after breakfast  to look for a new suit and then shop for shoes. That’s when the kindnesses and grace began. At Banana Republic, a wonderful salesperson named Sheena, found a suit and blouse for her in less that 30-minutes. A blessing indeed. At DSW, she tried on two pair of shoes and the second pair fit and looked great. Another positive experience under difficult conditions.

But, it didn’t end there. When we got back to my house, Jessica got an email that Washington University scheduled her interview for Nov. 27 not Nov. 20. In under an hour, that situation got straightened out and she is interviewing tomorrow.

When I asked Jessica what she learned from these experiences, she said “Sometimes life sucks but it can turn out better than you imagine.” In my words, experience is always changing and when we think we’ve hit rock bottom, sometimes wonderful things begin to happen. Kindnesses we don’t expect. Grace we don’t anticipate. We never know what’s going to happen next.

In his poem The Guest House, the Persian poet Rumi says to welcome each experience in life whatever they bring. “Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.” Have a good week and a Happy Thanksgiving. Namaste.

Click here to learn more about Mindfulness at Washington University in St.Louis

Since Thanksgiving is next Thursday, this week I challenge you to perform random acts of kindness daily. Let family and friends know your gratitude for them. Smile at the grocery clerk or say “Hi” to a neighbor. These small gestures can turn your day and someone else’s around because they improve mood and diminish stress.

Did you know that when you are kind or someone is thoughtful towards you, it improves your and the receiver’s health and also has a positive influence on those observing.

Random acts of kindness include being grateful and appreciative of yourself, so treat yourself to a soothing bath or listening to some music you enjoy. As Helen Keller said, “What I am looking for is not out there-it is in here.”

For more ideas on how to practice random acts of kindness, check out my new book Stress Less Live Better at Praeclarus Press and follow me on twitter or Facebook for conversation and support in spreading an attitude of gratitude. Best to each of you!

Mindfulness is everywhere these days from the new online Oprah/Chopra Meditation Challenge to campuses across the US to training for Fortune 500 employees. So, what’s all the buzz about? Those of us who have been studying and practicing mindfulness have experienced firsthand the benefits of being in the moment and know that this simple but not easy practice can help us cope better with our changing lives.

Here are some recent examples. Yesterday in class one of my students talked about how she’s learned to be less self-blaming and kinder and gentler with herself. How did mindfulness help? When we learn to redirect our attention to the present moment intentionally, past regrets about what we’ve messed up or future worries about how we could fail, start to fade. Instead of fueling our tendency to beat ourselves up mentally, we can see how we’re doing and how people respond to us in the moment. It’s amazing what a few moments of mental clarity can do.

Another example is when we’re spending time with our children or loved ones. Much of the time when we’re with others, our mind is off somewhere else rehearsing our to-do list, figuring out how we can dodge the next catastrophe or regretting the mistakes we’ve made. When we redirect our focus to the moment we’re in, often it’s more pleasant for us and others. We can see the glow in our child’s eyes as they experience our undivided attention and the love we feel for them that spreads through us calming and quieting our restless and overactive minds.

Sound too good to be true. Here’s a simple way to get started. Tomorrow, spend five minutes in the morning before you get out of bed and five minutes each evening before you drift off to sleep, focussing on your breathing and repeating, “In calm. Out stress.” Learn to train your mind to go where you want instead of wondering aimlessly. Do this daily for a week and let me know what happens and what you begin to notice. Namaste.

Click here and then go to my Resources page at drdianesanford.com for guided exercises and videos about how mindfulness can benefit you.

Click here to go to Praeclarus Press to order my new book Stress Less Live Better: 5 Simple Steps to Ease Anxiety, Worry and Self-Criticism. Enter the promo code LIVEBETTER for an additional 15% off.

 

 

 

Time Magazine nailed it with their article on The Goddess Myth and how we force women into choices about birth, breastfeeding or not and bonding according to our societal ideas of being the “perfect mom.” Unfortunately, this Myth has led to many if not all women feeling inadequate, incompetent and like they are failing by not measuring up to this idealized standard. See what you think and leave a comment about how we can be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others. Then listen to Kathleen Kendall Tackett and I talk about how expecting and new moms can cope with the stress of pregnancy and postpartum.

Click here to read the article

Click here to listen to Dr. Sanford and Dr. Kendall-Tackett talk about pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum

I was visiting with my cousin at my mother’s annual holiday party when he commented to me he was glad to have “endured” Christmas.  I told him that once his children were older, like mine who are now 22 and 18, he would enjoy the holiday more.  I recalled how I felt after decorating, shopping, wrapping, and celebrating with the girls in tow, and how my joy was tempered by exhaustion.

Our self-care tip this post-holiday week is to rest and recharge your battery.  Don’t put pressure on yourself for playdates, taking the children out or visiting friends and family unless that’s easier for you.  Resist preparing  gourmet meals, downloading holiday pictures or catching up on errands.  You have the entire  year ahead.

What to do instead?  Rest.  Restore.  Recharge.  No child has ever died from a diet of hot dogs and macaroni.  In fact, many of them prefer it.  They will gladly wear the same clothes and don’t care if their rooms are a mess.  Also, let them entertain themselves.  What about the new toys they took seconds to unwrap?  They can play with them!

For a healthy and happy new year, you need to have the energy to enjoy it.  As Ann and I always say, you must keep your pitcher filled to take care of yourself and those you love.  Don’t run yourself ragged like little Spudgy and miss out on the fun.  Give yourself a break this week.  You deserve it.   And get some sleep.

You just wrapped up your holiday festivities and this years’ “fun” has left you more stressed than ever.  It’s time to find your happy place.

Your happy place is the place you go when you need to rejuvenate.  It can be your bath tub or your favorite chair where you can escape with a good book.  And if your happy place is a beach in Aruba where you know you can’t literally go, escape there in your mind.  The point is you need to get to that happy place and you really should visit daily.  Some experts say taking just 15 minutes a day for YOU can make all the difference in the world in your outlook and your health.  Don’t think you have 15 minutes for you? Well, if you believe it’s simply not possible, you’ll be right. But imagine how sweet it would be if you were wrong on this one!

Think about all the things you consider important in life.  Shouldn’t you be on that list?  Where do you go to escape the stress of daily life? Tell me about it and inspire other moms to find their happy place, too.

Today’s guest author is Desiree Miller, mom of 4, who developed her motherhood expertise into a baby planning business, www.bottlestobritches.com.

As Ann and I said many times during the 21-day self-care challenge, 15 minutes  is a great start toward filling your emotional pitcher and making your  health and well-being a priority.  Go Desiree.

What is spirituality?  It can be a feeling of intense peace, a true connection with God or whatever your higher power is, or a complete faith that no matter what happens you will be okay.  Everyone has the potential for feeling spiritual but if you want it, you have to encourage its growth inside you.

Twenty years ago, during a time of turmoil in my life, I was talking with a very good friend. He is the kindest, calmest, happiest, most spiritual person I know. I told him I wanted what he had. He told me I could not have his, and that I had to find my own. I was dismayed.  Why couldn’t he just give me some?

So I learned that spirituality involves becoming aware of your unique spirit which is different for each human being.  It is your journey to find yourself.  It is recognizing that there is a spirit within you which is part of a higher power that extends everywhere.

It is learning to be kind and caring to yourself and others you do and don’t know. It means letting go of judgmentalism, negativism, and selfishness. Ultimately, it leads to  understanding that all living things are connected to one another because all are aspects of divine consciousness.

As Chief Seattle said,

“Man did not weave the web of life

He is merely a strand of it

Whatever he does to the web

He does to himself.”

Let your spirituality shine inside and out.

Today’s author is Ariel Martin, M.A., Pastoral Care Director and Counselor.

The holidays often sucks us into the gimmes, just like our kids, as we make the holidays happen. We easily lose track of the underlying message of the season for our kids. Consider these focused activities to reconnect with the holiday lessons:

1) CHOOSE actively, in line with your values. Stop and consider what you want to teach about the holiday season. You might want to say no if an event is too commercial, or detracts from planned family time. It’s fine to focus on fun–and opt out if an event is more drudgery or duty than pleasure. This is your holiday, too, and you have the right to celebrate it in a way that is meaningful and enjoyable for you. What a good example for your children!

2) INVOLVE everyone in the process of giving, helping small children pick out toys for the holiday toy drive, donate from their piggy banks to the bell ringer at the grocery, or make macaroni necklaces for favorite aunts or sitters. Older children might perform a chore, or sing/perform on an instrument for neighbors, visiting family, or residents of a senior living community.

3) READ one book about your spiritual perspective and traditions nightly. Every library has a children’s librarian eager to suggest new (or old favorite) titles. On the subject of reading, consider a classic book as a gift each year. Building a personal library for a child fosters a lifelong love of reading, one value to focus on that continues throughout the year.

The holidays are here with fun-filled and stress-filled times sandwiched together, not unlike raising children, work, marriage and other life pursuits. So, here are some recommendations to make the holidays calmer and happier.

First, have realistic expectations of yourself.  Many of us feel disappointed because our “fairytale images” don’t materialize. Instead, focus on feeling good from the inside out.  Build a fire and roast marshmallows, shop with a friend, or take a long walk in the woods.  Meditate, workout, read, or  listen to music.  Feed your soul.

Second, have realistic expectations of others.  No one’s family or friends are perfect, and the holidays won’t change this.  Since we can’t change them, we need to rely on ourselves to gather what’s positive and let go of the negative.  Create new family traditions so they don’t stir up bad memories.  If a situation becomes too negative, leave.

Likewise, don’t take relationship stress too personally. If your partner snaps about household clutter because they’re stringing Christmas lights while baking cookies, understand it’s their problem.  Don’t let them take their bad mood out on you but don’t react poorly either.  After all, love is the true intention of the season and it starts with you.