Tag: life balance

The Bare Necessities

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Self-Care Month, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

This month, we are writing about specific techniques to reduce stress based on Diane’s Top Ten Tips Plus Two. Today, I’d like to concentrate on, “Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.” It sounds like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? But when we chop this tip into pieces, we can see where we’re lacking.

1. Nourish Your Body With Food: I’m fairly sure that everyone that’s reading this eats every once in a while. But with busy days, sometimes we don’t take the time to make or buy something healthy. We end up going through the drive thru or getting a bag of chips out of the vending machine. This kind of diet will make you gain weight, raise your cholesterol, and increase your chances to develop Diabetes and heart disease. Think about it – how can you make time for eating healthy foods when you’re on the run? Many fast food chains offer some healthier choices, but cooking at home is the best because you’ll know everything that’s in your meal and can control its caloric content.

2. Nourish Your Body With Sleep: Raise your hand if you get 7 – 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night. Since I don’t see any hands up, I’m assuming you’re trying to live on 4 – 6 hours per night. Some of you may be operating on even less, especially if you just had a baby. The trick is to get at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night. You may need to get your partner or family member involved so you can sleep while the other person tends to the baby. All of you other women who are not sleeping enough: find a way to go to bed earlier! Lack of sleep can also increase your risk for heart disease, stroke and depression.

3. Nourish Your Body With Activity and Rest: So many jobs involve sitting behind a desk or in front of a computer. This creates a very sedentary day! If your workplace has stairs, use them! Take a walk on your lunch break. Do stretches at your desk. Most experts agree that getting aerobic exercise for at least 20 minutes, 3 times a week will help you lose fat, gain muscle and make you feel great! Exercise releases endorphins, which are the same neurotransmitters that are released during orgasm! On the other side of the spectrum, we also need to take time out to rest. Not sleep – rest. Lie on your couch and breathe. Let the stresses of the day evaporate and let yourself slowly transition from work to home (or from homemaker to peace and relaxation).

Which tips are you already using? Which ones would you like to use? If you give these tips a try, let us know how it goes and you will be entered into our May Self-Care Challenge! Good luck!

Sanford’s “Five A Day” For May

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

Last week, Stacey and I declared May Self-Care Month, and asked you to pick a self-care tip from our Top Ten Tips Plus Two to practice for the month. Many of you responded by saying you agreed.

Long before this blog was born, I discovered the only way to take good care of those we love is to take good care of ourselves. That’s how I developed my “Five A Day”- self-care skills critical to health and well-being. Since several of you mentioned working on these, #2 on our self-care list, here they are:

1.    Nutrition.  Eat at regular intervals to keep your body fueled and substitute healthy snacks for meals when needed.   Consume food mindfully without distractions like TV or cell-phones.  Eat healthy 75% of the time.

2.    Sleep.  Research shows that we need 8-9 hours of sleep for mental and physical health.  So, create a bedtime routine which quiets your mind instead of working until your head hits the pillow.  Lack of restful sleep diminishes  physical and emotional health.

3.    Physical Activity.  Recent studies indicate there are many successful ways to exercise from 15-20 minutes daily or  3-4 times weekly for an hour.  A combination of cardio, strength, and flexibility is best. Remember, exercise improves mood and longevity.

4.    Rest.  Take breaks.  Periods of activity/energy expenditure require periods of recuperation.  Our bodies aren’t designed to run full-tilt 24/7.

5.    Stress. Be aware of physical signs of stress: muscle tension, headaches, and GI symptoms.  If these occur, do something restorative-nap, workout, read, or whatever soothes you.  Don’t wait!

As a mom, wife, and daughter, I know it’s easy to neglect our health needs while insisting that our loved ones attend to theirs. I remember when my children were young, eating what they left on their plates for my meal. Taking a break was throwing in a load of laundry or picking up. I joke with friends that I didn’t exercise for 15 years although every day was a workout. With regard to stress management, suffice it to say I didn’t.

Please join us in declaring May self-care month. It’s worked for us. It can work for you.

May is Self-Care Month-We Need You!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Stacey and I are declaring May Self-Care Month, but we need your help choosing the self-care tips we’ll discuss. Last May, we offered our Top 10 Tips Plus Two. Here they are:

How to Live Self-Care

1.      Make your health and well-being a priority

2.      Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.

3.      Manage stress wisely.

4.      Be a positive thinker.

5.      Don’t make assumptions.

6.      Accept yourself and others wholly.

7.      Trust your inner guidance.

8.      Nourish relationships with family and friends.

9.      Respect yourself and others.

10.  Do what makes your heart sing.

11.  Practice compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

12.  Connect with spirit through gratitude, service, and intention.

This week, we’d like each of you to vote for the top tip you’d like us to write about by commenting on it at livingselfcare.com. Then, we’d like you to choose one tip to practice this month and send us a paragraph about what you’re doing to make it stick.  For participating, we’ll enter you into our self-care contest/challenge which will run from May 21-25 and features many wonderful prizes. Check out our contest section to see what we gave away last November.

Stacey and I will also be choosing our top tips, blogging about them and practicing with you. We have learned the hard way that caring for ourselves-body, mind, heart and soul, is better for us as well as our loved ones. When our emotional pitcher is dry, everyone loses.

Join us in declaring May Self-Care Month. While we can’t control everything, we can create a life filled with health, happiness and purpose if we align our actions and thoughts with living self-care body, mind, heart and soul.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it count!

The Friendship Phenomenon

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

It’s still up for debate within myself if technology makes things easier or more difficult for me. I don’t like the idea of being reachable 24/7, but when I leave the house without my phone, I feel “naked” and a bit helpless. The one recent tech development that I know I have benefitted from is Facebook.

I was able to reconnect with some old friends last weekend during a trip to my hometown because of Facebook. We all agreed that it was almost as if no time had passed since the last time we saw each other in person, even though it has actually been about 25 years! By reading and commenting on posts, and browsing pictures on everyone’s Facebook feed, we are able to see what’s going on with each other whenever we want to!

Friendship is an extremely precious and valuable gift. Close friendships help us feel like we fit in somewhere, which is a basic human need. Research has repeatedly shown that women need other women in their lives in order to feel their best. Ladies that don’t have any female friends are at greater risk for depression, heart disease and obesity, just to name a few.

One reason for this is that women are much better listeners than men. When a woman has a problem, she is more likely to discuss it with her female friends than a male friend or male significant other. Men, by nature, are “fixers.” They want to find a way to make our bad feelings go away because they don’t know what to do with us when we are upset!

Take a look around at your circle of friends. Do you have at least one female friend that you can confide in? If not, I challenge you to either plant the seed for a new friendship or nurture an existing one so that you can have, and also be, a confidante. If this need is already met in your life, then congratulations! I hope you will continue to benefit from your friendships!

Circle of Friends
My mini-reunion: I hadn't seen most of these folks in almost 25 years!

I’m QUEEN of the World!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

My daughter saw Titanic for the first time last night. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, “It was sad, but Rose was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.” I remember recently reading a snippet in People Magazine in which Kate Winslet (who played Rose) said that it was the worst she had ever looked. I wonder what she’d say to my 13 year-old in response to her admiration?

Women (including myself, of course) blame society and the media for the impossible standards of beauty that cause teenagers to starve themselves and even commit suicide. But why is it okay that coaches can call their male players “ladies” when they want to insult them? This is something that is usually not given a second thought to. Is it really that bad to be a woman?

This week, I challenge you to keep your eyes and ears open for subtle or even blatant references to womanhood as a character flaw. It’s not until we start noticing this that we can make an effort to change it. I am proud to be a woman and I hope you are, too! (Sorry, guys!) My hope is that we can all start standing up for our gender, and by extension, ourselves. And Kate Winslet, I agree with my kiddo: you looked gorgeous in Titanic.

It’s Monday: Do You Know Where Your Mind Is?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Right now. This minute. What are you thinking about? Are you focusing on this post or is your mind elsewhere? Maybe you’re thinking about your to-do list or recalling or your visit with a good friend yesterday or waiting to hear from a colleague? But chances are that you’re not attending to the present moment, simply because most of the time we don’t.

This lack of present moment awareness, which afflicts us is affectionately called “mindlessness.” Studies show that we spend the majority of our time thinking about the future or past. However, the moments in our life which matter most are the ones in which we show up. Remember the last time you savored playing with your child, eating a tasty meal, walking in nature or taking a long, warm shower. Now, that’s satisfaction!

Since I just returned from a two-day conference on mindfulness, it’s on my mind and I plan to keep it there by posting about it. As a therapist, mom, woman and person, I think mindfulness is one of the best remedies for creating more joy and less stress. Research on mindfulness shows that it improves our health-body, mind, heart and soul, and that it may increase longevity.

But don’t take my word for it, try it yourself. Spend 15 minutes each day sitting quietly and focus on your breath, flowing in and out of your body. It may help to notice the rise and fall of your belly, your chest or sensations of the breath around your nostrils. Don’t judge your experience. Accept whatever happens. When thoughts occur, gently return your attention to the breath and observe its cycle from inhalation to exhalation.

If sitting still proves too challenging, choose any activity and pay attention to the accompanying sensations. When your mind strays, and it will, bring your focus back to what you’re doing. Like a lion, the mind runs wild but with time and practice, it can be tamed.

As always, let us know how it goes. All questions and comments are welcome.

When the Best Thing to Do is No-thing

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Like learning it’s “okay to slow down” which I discussed last week, another ongoing life lesson for me is “doing no-thing”. Last week was busier than usual with family and work, and by Friday I was so hyped up, I’d decided to jump into my to-do list by 7:30 am. When my children were young this was routine, but now “I have options.” LOL.

Anyway, I had contacted my new web designer and set up an “urgent” meeting for that day, rearranged my weekend schedule and started to review my e-mail. All the time congratulating myself on what I would accomplish. Then, I noticed “IT”-a growing sense of tension and dis-ease, radiating from my gut and spreading through my body. My stomach is my stress center which is why I sometimes find myself unconsciously in the pantry reaching for carb-rich snacks.

Instead of ignoring what I was feeling, I stopped and listened. While it wasn’t easy, it was worthwhile. My frenzied attitude issued from a sense of urgency which didn’t exist-except in my head. No fatal or life-threatening consequences would befall me if I just let the day unfold which days tend to do quite well without effort . So, I did and almost immediately, started to feel better. By doing no-thing, I was giving my mind and body what it needed. Some rest.

I remembered how I first met Kay, my wonderful web designer, who agreed to meet with me Friday and then gladly cancelled, saying I probably did need to take a break. I was in the motor vehicle office waiting to renew my driver’s license. For months, I’d been looking for a web designer without success when I heard two women behind me talking about one of them launching a new design business. I turned around, apologized for eavesdropping, and gladly took Kay’s card. By doing no-thing, I found what I was looking for.

How will you practice doing no-thing this week? When you notice stress, stop and see what happens. Comment on “your discoveries” below.

It’s Okay to Slow Down

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

That’s what my Dove chocolate wrapper said. “It’s okay to slow down.” That’s what my husband said after I dumped soil all over our porch instead of in the pot. “The plants aren’t in a hurry. They’ve got plenty of time to grow.”

“Okay I said,” not to my husband but to the universe, God or whatever you consider to be your higher power. I get the message.  Take a breath. Smell the flowers. Enjoy the beautiful spring day. What could be more important? Honestly, nothing but sometimes I am totally convinced, perhaps you are too, that getting things done is more important than savoring my life. As Wayne Dyer says, “We are human beings not human doings.”

So, for the past 24 hours I’ve been making a “conscious” effort to slow down. When my friend phoned Sunday morning and said she was “too pooped” to meet for coffee, I fixed myself a cup of tea and watched the bunnies playing outside my kitchen window. Then I showered with the new shampoo and soap I’d bought (because I like the smell), gave myself a mini-facial, and sat on my front porch admiring our beautiful crabapple tree with its amazing pink blooms. When I look at those blossoms, I remember that nature doesn’t strive or strain but just unfolds moment by moment.

I wish I could be more like our tree-standing still, soaking in the sun’s rays, content with just being. Not needing to answer e-mail, voicemail or my next text message. Not feeling compelled to check off another item on my to-do list. Letting life unfold through me-peacefully, gracefully, deliciously. Living and loving the moment I’m in.

This week take time to “slow down.” Spend 15 minutes each day focusing your attention on what you’re doing instead of rushing to get done. If you’re eating, pay attention to the texture, smell and taste of your food. If you’re outdoors, notice the colors, how the air/sun feels on your body and the sounds . Immerse yourself in the experience of NOW. Share a pix of your “NOW” moment below or on our facebook page.

Rules of the House

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

As a psychotherapist, I work with many adults who are still struggling with their childhood “programming.” These are the rules and beliefs that your family of origin used, often unconsciously. It is very easy for someone who grew up in an abusive household to think that abuse is “normal.” Then the cycle continues.

One very common “program” is the “Don’t Rock the Boat” rule. This means that no matter what, family members either act like a dysfunction isn’t there, or try to “sweep it under the rug.” For example, a family with an alcoholic mother may never talk about the subject and may even step over her and keep walking if she was passed out on the floor.

Another common “program” is the, “Everything is Fine” rule. With this belief in place, each member of the family puts on “masks” when they have to interact with other people. For example, the mother and father could be going through an ugly divorce, but the children are all smiles and act as if everything is great. The parents do the same thing when in public.

What these programs have in common is untruth. These families don’t want to express their pain and dysfunction, so they never give themselves a chance to work through their problems. When they get to my office, they can be holding a lot of anger towards their parents, children, siblings or other family members. These folks have a choice: anger or forgiveness. As Kambri Crews, author of Burn Down the Ground says, “Forgiving others and making peace with the cards you have been dealt is within all of us. Generally speaking, people aren’t purely evil or good. Life is much more complicated than that. ” Well said, Ms. Crews.

Racing to “Nowhere”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I was fortunate enough to see a screening of the independent film, Race to Nowhere. The filmmakers interviewed students, teachers and parents from across the country to gauge the stress levels of our nation’s families. If you have kids, particularly in grades 6 – 12, you probably already know how overworked and overscheduled our children are. But have you given thought to the ramifications of their stress on you?

The film suggested that some schools and families started worrying about getting into a good college as early as first grade! And in order to do that, the student must have spectacular grades, many extracurricular activities, student clubs and community service projects. You may be aware of how much time you’re spending in the car or working on homework with your kids, but have you noticed that their stress levels are sometimes fueled by us, as parents?

Whether you work or stay at home, you have a full-time job. You’re already stressed enough. The film pointed out that time spent doing homework has increased from 1 – 2 hours per night prior to 6th grade to 4 – 6 hours between grades 6 – 12. They also pointed out that after 1 – 2 hours, the correlation between amount of homework and academic achievement is zero.

Are We Running Our Kids Ragged?

Step back from your kids for a minute. No, you can’t directly control how much homework they have, but you do have a say in what clubs, extracurriculars and community projects they are involved in. Do you see anything that can be dropped from their schedules? Are they in some activity because they “should” instead of because they “want to”? If so, I challenge you to talk with your student about paring down his or her daily schedule. Not only will their stress levels go down, but so will yours. And self-care for the entire family will go up!

Peace!
Stacey