Tag: March self-care challenge

Motherhood is Hard Work So Cut Yourself Some Slack!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips

The media creates images of perfect mothers such as June Cleaver and Claire Huxtabel. TV moms look perfect, have spotless homes, and great relationships. Magazine covers portray moms holding beautiful babies, breastpumps and briefcases who are perfectly made up.  From such images women define their “shoulds” and “musts”creating unattainable standards of perfection and judging themselves for not keeping up.

The truth is that motherhood is hard work. As women become mothers and face the accompanying stressors and challenges, they often internalize their  inability to cope flawlessly as personal failings.  Add sleepless nights and fussy babies and it’s not hard to see why mothers lose confidence. When the idealized view of one’s self and motherhood collides with reality, they criticize themselves rather than recognizing how well they are doing given the endless expenditure of physical, emotional and mental energy that goes into caring for children.  Pretty amazing!

Nuclear families encourage isolation, especially in the early days postpartum. Experienced mothers rarely discuss hardships inherent in mothering.  No one wants to admit they felt less than adequate, irritable, anxious or depressed maneuvering new motherhood while this is true.  Although the internet provides some connection, many moms lack the  face-to-face support needed to see that everyone faces challenges and make mistakes.  Supporting themselves and each other by acknowledging that motherhood is hard work and that perfection must be tempered by reality  is what’s needed.

So, starting today cut yourself and the moms around you some slack.  You’ve earned it.  You deserve it!

Jamie Bodily is founder and director of ParentsCount which provides birth and postpartum doula services, childbirth education and counseling

Spring Is In the Air: Time for Emotional Cleaning

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Spring is in the air.   As the days get longer and the weather warms, we feel a growing urge to refresh and renew our lives.  The blossoming season brings with it the opportunity to release what we’ve held on to mentally or emotionally, which no longer fits.  Spring cleaning indeed.

Clearing away old beliefs.  Just like our physical space, our minds are often cluttered with wornout beliefs and ideas.  In cognitive therapy, clients learn to monitor their negative beliefs and refute them.  If someone grew up being criticized, they may have the belief “I’m no good”.  As an adult however, they may have a successful career or be a caring parent, evidence that this belief is not true.  Changing automatic assumptions is empowering and liberating. 

Sow the seeds of intention: Step One.  Along with releasing negative thoughts, we must clarify what we want.  Why is this challenging?  First, our minds  chatter constantly over urgent but not important matters.  Like what we said that offended someone we hardly know or putting the laundry away.  Instead, we need to quiet our “monkey mind” through prayer, meditation and relaxation.   Stillness allows connection with our deeper selves.

Sow the seeds of intention: Step Two.  When our mind is still, we see more clearly how we want to live.  Then during our daily meditation/prayer, we can set our intentions for serenity, peaceful relationships, health, etc., allowing our intention and energy to flow in the direction we desire.  Creating the life we want one day at a time.

Cloth or Disposable…And Other Choices Moms Must Make

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips

As soon as a woman announces that she has a positive pregnancy test, everyone has their advice and questions on choices she must make.  Will you have an epidural or not?  Will you use cloth or disposable? and the list goes on.  This myriad of opinions can feel overwhelming, confusing, and even irritating as a woman begins her journey towards motherhood.

Because women have been conditioned to nurture and please others, we agonize over choices, worrying we are going to hurt someone’s feelings by not doing it their way or that we will make a “wrong” decision and harm our children.   Society exerts considerable pressure to conform and attain a level of perfection in mothering that is impossible. 

But parenting is more of an art than a science.  Intuition is as important as what experts say.  Learning to be ourselves and accept our choices, whether they conform or differ from others, is an important part of the journey of becoming a mom.  The ability to transcend the opinions of others and make our own best choices enables us to become the mothers our children need instead of anxious, guilt-ridden mothers subject to the popular opinions of the media or others. 

Following our intuition means we must take time to know ourselves, to nourish ourselves and to trust ourselves; it means we must take time for self-care or the voices around us will drown our own.

Jamie Bodily is founder and director of ParentsCount which provides birth and postpartum doula services, childbirth education and counseling.