Tag: postpartum

When the Best Thing to Do is No-thing

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Like learning it’s “okay to slow down” which I discussed last week, another ongoing life lesson for me is “doing no-thing”. Last week was busier than usual with family and work, and by Friday I was so hyped up, I’d decided to jump into my to-do list by 7:30 am. When my children were young this was routine, but now “I have options.” LOL.

Anyway, I had contacted my new web designer and set up an “urgent” meeting for that day, rearranged my weekend schedule and started to review my e-mail. All the time congratulating myself on what I would accomplish. Then, I noticed “IT”-a growing sense of tension and dis-ease, radiating from my gut and spreading through my body. My stomach is my stress center which is why I sometimes find myself unconsciously in the pantry reaching for carb-rich snacks.

Instead of ignoring what I was feeling, I stopped and listened. While it wasn’t easy, it was worthwhile. My frenzied attitude issued from a sense of urgency which didn’t exist-except in my head. No fatal or life-threatening consequences would befall me if I just let the day unfold which days tend to do quite well without effort . So, I did and almost immediately, started to feel better. By doing no-thing, I was giving my mind and body what it needed. Some rest.

I remembered how I first met Kay, my wonderful web designer, who agreed to meet with me Friday and then gladly cancelled, saying I probably did need to take a break. I was in the motor vehicle office waiting to renew my driver’s license. For months, I’d been looking for a web designer without success when I heard two women behind me talking about one of them launching a new design business. I turned around, apologized for eavesdropping, and gladly took Kay’s card. By doing no-thing, I found what I was looking for.

How will you practice doing no-thing this week? When you notice stress, stop and see what happens. Comment on “your discoveries” below.

It’s Okay to Slow Down

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

That’s what my Dove chocolate wrapper said. “It’s okay to slow down.” That’s what my husband said after I dumped soil all over our porch instead of in the pot. “The plants aren’t in a hurry. They’ve got plenty of time to grow.”

“Okay I said,” not to my husband but to the universe, God or whatever you consider to be your higher power. I get the message.  Take a breath. Smell the flowers. Enjoy the beautiful spring day. What could be more important? Honestly, nothing but sometimes I am totally convinced, perhaps you are too, that getting things done is more important than savoring my life. As Wayne Dyer says, “We are human beings not human doings.”

So, for the past 24 hours I’ve been making a “conscious” effort to slow down. When my friend phoned Sunday morning and said she was “too pooped” to meet for coffee, I fixed myself a cup of tea and watched the bunnies playing outside my kitchen window. Then I showered with the new shampoo and soap I’d bought (because I like the smell), gave myself a mini-facial, and sat on my front porch admiring our beautiful crabapple tree with its amazing pink blooms. When I look at those blossoms, I remember that nature doesn’t strive or strain but just unfolds moment by moment.

I wish I could be more like our tree-standing still, soaking in the sun’s rays, content with just being. Not needing to answer e-mail, voicemail or my next text message. Not feeling compelled to check off another item on my to-do list. Letting life unfold through me-peacefully, gracefully, deliciously. Living and loving the moment I’m in.

This week take time to “slow down.” Spend 15 minutes each day focusing your attention on what you’re doing instead of rushing to get done. If you’re eating, pay attention to the texture, smell and taste of your food. If you’re outdoors, notice the colors, how the air/sun feels on your body and the sounds . Immerse yourself in the experience of NOW. Share a pix of your “NOW” moment below or on our facebook page.

Calm Your “Inner Lizard”: Meet Your “Inner Wizard”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Monday Musings

Since returning from vacation a week ago, my brain is not fully engaged but I wanted to share an experience I had which helped connect me with who I am behind my social roles (mom, wife, daughter, career woman), worries, and fears. Before I left, I was re-listening to Martha Beck’s Steering By Starlight in which she discusses how much we’re controlled by our “lizard”/emotional brain, which broadcasts fears of warning and dread constantly. She even suggests you name your “inner lizard” although I haven’t come up with a fitting enough choice yet.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to visit a shaman and participate in a sweat lodge where you literally sweat out physical and mental stress but never had the opportunity. While on vacation, one of the excursions went to do just that. How lucky can one gal get?

Instead of excitement though, my “lizard”started sounding the alarm. “Danger. Danger. Danger. Don’t go. You won’t last and then you’ll humiliate yourself when you have to leave. Worst than that, you could pass out. Even worse, you could have a heart attack in a remote part of the jungle and not leave alive.” You get the picture.

However, I’ve been practicing meditation for the last five years, and mindfulness more recently, and my “wizard”/observing self was able to recognize that my fearful thoughts were unfounded or at least unproven. So, I decided to go to the sweat lodge with the shaman and discover for myself what would happen. Tune in next Monday to find out what I learned.

This week, be mindful of when your “inner lizard” is running the show and as Beck describes your “Top 10 Tunes” of fear and worry. Write them down on a piece of paper and notice when they occur. Then name your lizard so you can learn to tame it. Let us know what you come up with.

“I’m a Good Mom”- Count Your Strengths

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

My friend Diane Sanford, PhD, co-wrote an incredible book with Ann Dunnewold, PhD, for new mothers, called Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide. She mailed me a copy, and since I received it a few months ago, I occasionally turn to it when I’m having one of those “I’m a terrible mother” days. You know those days? I hope you don’t, but I think they’re an inherent part of this motherhood gig, unfortunately.

This book is one I wish I could loan to all of my pregnant postpartum friends–but I can’t bear to part with it. So I’ll recommend it instead. Especially this exercise in the book, called “Two Minutes for Yourself”:

Two Minutes for Yourself

Take out a sheet of paper. Fold it in half length-wise. On one side, write your strengths. The flip it over and write, “The mom I want to be” on the other side at the top. List the ten qualities that you think make a good mom. Your list may include virtues such as patience, drive, and organization, or more diverse elements such as joyfulness or an affectionate nature. Now take a deep breath and view the lists. Which qualities do you intrinsically posess? Many of these attributes may already be on your strengths list. Circle the matching ones on both lists. Recopy these (or the top five, if you have more than five) onto a three-by-five note card with the heading “Qualities I have which make me a good mom.” Tear up the other list and throw it away. Rather than fretting about what personal aspects of a stereotypic good mom you lack, focus on the strengths you bring to this new relationship. There are as many ways to be a good mother as there are opinions about getting a baby to sleep through the night. Put the card in your purse or wallet and review it regularly to build your confidence in this new role.

Doesn’t that sound like a lovely way to spend a few minutes? When I did this exercise myself, I was surprised to see that many of the qualities I listed as possessed by a good mom are ones I had also listed as my strengths. I think you will be similarly surprised.

Today’s author is Jaime of  jamesandjax.com a wonderful blog for new and veteran moms.

Love ThySelf-To Thine Own Self Be True

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

There are bucket lists, rainy day lists, pros and cons lists, but what about a DO list? Do you have a list of things you actively want to do for yourself but just “can’t find the time?”  Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to put that plan into practice.

While most people associate Valentine’s Day with lovers, and couples, kids and families, the perception that we can love ourselves gets a raised eyebrow. I’m not talking about THAT kind of love. I’m hinting about love of self and pampering ourselves for a change.

We already know that women don’t take the time or feel that they can’t.

Here are some easy and quick ways to be loving yourself this holiday.

  1. Get a massage or spa treatment of your choice. You deserve it!
  2. Splurge on a nice “something-something” for yourself you’ve had an eye on.
  3. Get yourself some flowers – and they’ll be the perfect choice!
  4. Like to journal? Start a fresh journal for the year and write about the ways you can practice self-care!
  5. Do you find that you’re very self-critical? Give yourself a break, at least for today.

The heart can be a mysterious place but it doesn’t have to be. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Today’s guest author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org, the premiere website for info and support for pregnant and new moms.

Give yourSELF a Valentine

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Please indulge me for a moment whilst I tell you about my outlook on Valentine’s
Day (VD). Remember that I am married, so while I have a “Valentine,” I believe that NOBODY is “ineligible” for VD.

I think VD is a “Hallmark Holiday.” It’s a day for the flower, card, candy and nice
meal sellers to cash in. It’s a day filled with joy – yes, for some. But it’s also a day for loneliness, depression and guilt for others. I asked my husband years ago to not buy me anything for VD. I’d rather get a token of his affection on a random day when it’s not expected. Instead, I indulge my Self on VD. I’d like to challenge you to make this VD all about your Self, too, no matter what your “Valentine” status is.

So how do you do this? Some of the things that I have done include going for a mani/pedi (go during the middle of the day so they are not crowded if
you can), getting a massage, locking my Self in my bedroom and reading ALL DAY, looking on the Internet for my favorite flower arrangement to buy for my Self the day after VD (at a real discount!), and cooking my Self my favorite dish to enjoy on my own.

What things can you think of that you might like to do for your Self on VD? It doesn’t have to cost any money, can be done any time of day or night, and does not require another person (though maybe you’d like to share your VD gift to your Self with someone). It’s your challenge! Leave your ideas in the comments section!!

Loving the Body You’re In

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

One of my guilty pleasures is People Magazine. I was looking through this week’s edition and found myself paused at an article about actress Kelly Preston. She is the wife of John Travolta, and they tragically lost their 16 year-old son in 2009. Miraculously, she got pregnant in 2010 and gave birth to a baby boy last year at age 49. I paused because the article was not about how resilient she is or about her new family – it was about how she lost 42 lbs. in 14 months.

Can I get a collective “WHO CARES” here? It’s not the weight loss that I wanted to know about, but I didn’t have a choice. Society is so hyper-focused on appearance! “This diet is great! 30 is the new 50! Size 14 is the new Size 2!” Huh?

Today is the second day of February, a month often dedicated to love and
relationships. Here at Living Self-Care, we’re going to be focusing on that, too. Today, I want you to take a look at your relationship with your Self; the part of your SELF that carries you around every day, keeping you alive and doing the physical stuff: your body. How often do you look in the mirror and compare what you see to popular media, friends, family…everything? Comparisons are useless. Somehow, we always lose. The grass is always greener and all that.

My challenge to you this February is to look in the mirror daily and find one thing you either like or feel neutral about. It can be anything about your face, yourbody, your sense of style, your hair – anything. Acknowledge it. Appreciate it. And then try not to compare…because there’s no one quite like you!

Making Changes That Fit With Who We Are

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

This month we’ve been talking about how to succeed at our New Year’s resolutions. If you’re just joining us, we’ve discussed: 1) setting goals which are realistic, attainable and important; 2) drawing inspiration from and encouragement from others; 3) remembering change is a process which occurs in steps; and 4) accepting personal responsibility for what we want to happen.

After reading the latest issue of Oprah on how to “Express Yourself” and getting an e-mail from Jean Houston on  “Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” I thought about another important ingredient. Being certain the changes we want to make fit who we truly are or reflect the “essence” of what’s inside of us. If that sounds heady, it’s not but it is challenging.

As women, we often choose goals that reflect what we think other people want for approval and security. We choose careers, interests and relationships that may not nourish us but are the “right” thing to do. Then we wonder why we don’t feel motivated to exercise more, organize our house or prepare healthy meals. It’s because these changes don’t necessarily reflect who we are. Not that everything can but at least something should.

This year resolve to choose one change that feeds your soul. Express your creativity through writing, photography, or art. Desiring more adventure, go ziplining, whitewater rafting, or skydiving. Visit Lesley Carter’s site for great ideas. Release your inner diva through song, dance and personal style-like The Cubicle Chick. Whatever you choose, be fearless and make it your own!

Meet Stacey Glaesmann, Our New Self-Care Expert

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Hi! My name is Stacey Glaesmann, LPC. I am a counselor in private practice near Houston, TX. I wrote my first book, “What About Me? A Simple Guide to Self-Carein the 21st Century,” in 2007. If you want to take a look, visit http://www.pearlandtherapy.com.

What got me interested in self-care is that I kept noticing ALL of my clients were
concentrating on other people and external situations. This was draining their
mental resources. Some clients even made themselves sick because they never
took time for themselves. And honestly, I was doing the same thing. I felt unimportant because all I did was give. Now, with a daily self-care regimen that includes yoga and 30 minutes of “me time,” my cup gets replenished and THEN I can be of service to others.

I have been through a lot in my life, as I am sure you have. I have a
12 year-old daughter and a wonderful husband. I suffered from Postpartum Panic Disorder and Depression and I now know that one of the reasons I got sick was because I was NOT taking care of myself.

I am thrilled to be joining Diane at Living Self-Care. It’s my passion and I hope that my input makes a difference in just one life (more would be cool, too!). If you have any questions please feel free to email me at sglaesmann@yahoo.com. I’ll be seeing you on Thursdays! Remember: if your cup isn’t full, you won’t have anything to give others. Keep that cup full!

Are You Ready to Make Change Stick?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Einstein said “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it. ” So how are you prepared to approach your New Year’s resolutions differently this year in order for them  to succeed?

The truth is good intentions only go so far and then there is the hard work of continuing to change day after day.  The following are some recommendations to help you make change stick.

  1. Think big.  Start small.  Break down the change you want to make into attainable steps.  For example, if you want to exercise and you haven’t been to the gym in years, dedicate 30 minutes twice a week to go for a walk or take a fitness class.  Create goals you can maintain.  Once you’ve mastered one step, take the next one.
  2. Remember change is a process.  Habits take time to learn and longer to unlearn.  How long have you been smoking? Overeating? If it’s been longer than a year or two, it’s probably something you do automatically.  Start by consciously monitoring when you smoke, overeat, etc. and making a different choice which will eventually become a new, healthier habit.
  3. Be accountable.  Only you can make change happen whether it’s losing weight or quitting smoking.  No matter how much work or relationship stress you experience, doesn’t mean you have to reach for a Big Mac or a cigarette. Only you have the power to change your life.

What are your New Year’s resolutions? How are you making change stick? What’s working or not?