Tag: self-care

Buying “Stuff”: Necessity or Luxury?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in September tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I think we all can agree that our American society is more consumer-oriented now than ever before in history. Whether you call it “keeping up with the Joneses” or “retail therapy,” the things that used to be luxuries are starting to be perceived as necessities. Cable TV used to be something wealthy people had when I was growing up. Now, if you don’t have cable, you must live in a cave! One of the biggest problems with this attitude is that many people are sacrificing their financial self-care for buying “stuff.”

I was reading last week’s People Magazine and came upon a blurb about purses. Apparently a designer named Jil Sander took some plain brown paper bags, stamped them with her name, and put them on boutique shelves with a price tag of $290.00. Guess what? She can’t keep them on the shelves because they are selling so well! These are brown paper bags, people! They are the kind we pack “sack lunches” or carry our groceries in! Consumerism has obviously gotten out of hand.

Jil Sander’s $290 paper bag “Vasari” purse

It is difficult to find someone who is debt-free these days. Some debts are just necessary, such as a mortgage, school loans and even car loans. But if you’re paying off a $290 brown paper bag purse, you are neglecting your financial self-care! There are so many financial advice gurus out there that I’m not going to attempt to explain any remedies for debt. I am, however, going to encourage you to really think about each purchase you make on your credit card(s). Stop and look closely at the item, then ask yourself, “Do I really need this?” This simple process can help keep those credit card balances down to a reasonable amount.

When we talk about self-care, many people get mental pictures of women getting manicures and massages (which is great if you can afford it). But there’s so much more to self-care than that. You can apply it to every area of your life, including your financial responsibilities. So, stop trying to keep up with the Joneses (or Kardashians) and live within the parameters of your/your family’s individual situation. No one is in your exact situation, but modeling fiscal responsibility sure can make them want to keep up with YOU!

Welcome to the Holiday Season!?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in September tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom", Uncategorized

Labor Day has come and gone, signaling the commercial commencement of “The Holidays.” Every year, I feel a little nauseous the first time I see Christmas/Hanukkah items displayed in a store in late-August/early-September. It’s sad, really. I remember a time when “holiday time” started after Halloween and consisted more of family gatherings instead of the shop-fest that it has become.

Instead of reiterating a bunch of advice about avoiding holiday stress, let me instead ask how can you make this early Fall more self-focused? The kids are off at school. Things are slowly starting to settle down. Do you find yourself settling down as well or are you immediately jumping ahead to planning Thanksgiving dinner?

One of the first pieces of advice I remember ever giving my daughter was, “Don’t believe everything you see on TV.” The same goes for all of society’s mass outlets – TV, radio, Internet and stores themselves. If the merchants were to have it their way, we’d buy back-to-school clothes, Halloween candy and costumes, huge turkey dinners, Christmas/Hanukkah gifts and holiday dinners, one right after the other. Family? What family?

As you send your kiddos off to school today, I challenge you to avoid the media – avoid the hype. See what a pre-Fall day can be like with just your thoughts about things, not influenced or controlled what you “should be” thinking forward to. Staying in the present moment is a tried-and-true method for reducing anxiety and tension. So, when you look at right now, what do you see? Thanksgiving? Christmas? Or just September 6, 2012, ready to bring you whatever it brings? This is YOUR “holiday season,” whether it’s already started or not – do what’s best for YOU and YOUR family!

Happy September!

A Not-So-Secret Anxiety Remedy

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I was in session yesterday with a young lady who has been dealing with anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) for most of her life. I’ve been working with her for quite a while, and we’ve tried all kinds of coping mechanisms. In her session, she told me that she thinks she has found THE coping tool that has significantly reduced her symptoms. She had been discouraged after trying progressive muscle relaxation, breathing techniques, thought monitoring/stopping, visualization and a few others. So when she said this, I got excited! What was her favored remedy? Present moment awareness!

Diane and I have written about mindfulness and present moment awareness in the past, and we both agree that this technique is one of the basics of self-care. While it’s true that not all coping tools will work for everyone, this particular exercise, when made habitual, can change lives.

My client is dealing with financial problems, and found herself worked into a panic regularly, wondering how she was going to get enough money to pay her bills. Using present moment awareness, she has been able to tell herself, “The bills are not due today. Right now, all is well. I’ll deal with it when the time comes.” This usually brings her anxiety down and sometimes wipes it completely out!

Of course, some things do require planning ahead, and paying bills can be one of them. My client told me yesterday that she had 2 “out of the blue” opportunities to make extra money, and that would take care of her August bills! She’s now working on maintaining mindfulness, but also having faith that God/The Universe will provide for her, as long as she expects Him/it to.

She said she felt strange when practicing these new thoughts, because her old thought patterns were so negative. It made sense to her that we tend to get what we expect to get out of life. So, if she expects obstacles and depression, that’s what she gets. After getting some “proof” that positive and mindful thoughts DO have a real effect in her life, she’s finding renewed enthusiasm to keep it up!

Hatred is a Heavy Burden

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I’ve been astonished at some of the hate being spewed out from my “friends” on Facebook as the Presidential election draws near. It’s great to debate, share opinions and find like-minded people. However, like the race itself, both parties are getting dirty and hateful.

We’ve all felt that hateful feeling at one time or another. Most people say they don’t like feeling that way, but there are always a few that not only like it, but purposely create it. If you carry grudges or find yourself hating someone or something, think about who that is really hurting…YOU.

The subject of your negative feelings is most likely unaware or unaffected by your hatred. But you have to carry it with you all day, every day. It weighs you down, tires you out and makes life in general more difficult.

Politics and religion seem to be the hot topics that elicit such hateful statements. I’ve had to make myself ignore ugly posts and comments because it does stir a lot of anger in me – not because I feel one way or another about the candidates, but the shock at the actions of my “friends.” If you find yourself feeling rageful, hate or carrying a grudge, the best thing you can do for yourself is let it go. The minute you do, you will feel lighter and your stress level will go down. Anything that has those results is definitely self-care! So, gals, let it go and focus on what is really important in your life.

Self-Care Back to School Style

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Summer is quickly drawing to a close and stores are putting out their “back to school” supplies, uniforms and backpacks. Happy parents can be found perusing these items, while their usually sullen offspring trail behind. After the kids get on the bus, many parents feel that they can finally exhale and take some time for themselves.

Contrary to popular belief, self-care doesn’t require a large amount of time. The payoffs, however, are great. In as little as 15 minutes, a world-weary mom or dad can recharge and gather more energy and enthusiasm to face the day. Some quick activities for self-care are listed below:

  • Enjoy a long, hot bubble bath
  • Read a chapter or two in a “just-for-me” book (no reading for work)
  • Write a letter to a friend, snail mail style
  • Take a power nap
  • Watch an episode of a favorite 30-minute television show
  • Do a 15-minute yoga routine
  • Meditate
  • Write in a journal or diary
  • Draw, paint or color a picture
  • Complete a crossword puzzle

While these suggestions are easily done in a 15 – 30 minute timeframe, scheduled “me time” activities such as massage and manicures are important, too. If Mom and Dad take care of themselves first, they will have more to offer to their kids and the world.

Can a Video Game Help with Self Care?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Recently, a good friend brought a game to my attention. When she said, “You have to check out this game!” my first reaction was, “No thank you…I don’t need another distraction!” I’ve never been much of a gamer, and I think the reason is because I can become obsessive about something fairly easily.

My friend persisted and convinced me to watch the game’s inventor, Jane McGonigal, explain the concept behind her idea. Once I realized that this “game” was really about promoting self-care, I jumped on board and started “playing.”

The game, which can be downloaded from most app stores or played online, is called SuperBetter. I originally chuckled at the name because it sounds like some kind of bad Japanese translation. But as I started playing, I couldn’t think of any name that was better suited for it!

Here’s the gist: like in most games, you are the central character. You can make a “secret identity” if you wish – really it’s a cool way of creating an online persona. You can form alliances with anyone else who is playing the game (it works with people who are not playing, too, but it’s not as effective). You identify your own “bad guys” – the things that are your greatest challenges AND your own “power ups” which are the things that you know make you feel better. It’s basically a guide to making your own personal self-care plan. It does not take a lot of time to play – you can do most things in less than 5 minutes. BUT IT WORKS. I can tell if I have gone a whole day without playing just by checking in with my tension levels.

SuperBetter, at the very least, is a reminder that you need to take care of yourself. But at the most – it can add years to your life, strengthen friendships, problem-solve obstacles and provide a community to share your experiences. If this sounds like something you’d like to experience, make sure to watch Jane’s video to hear her scientifically researched rationale behind the game. Then download the app or visit the SuperBetter site and get ready to feel…well, SuperBetter!

How Our Children Teach Us to Surrender

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in July Tips, Monday Musings

One of my most challenging life lessons has been surrender-letting go of what I want to have happen and allowing life to unfold naturally. Sound familiar? I imagine it is. Why is this so hard to do? Because we’re convinced that if we “let go” bad things or at least random things will happen, that will be bad for us. But if we hang on really tight, then we can produce the desired outcome. Right?

What often happens though is that we produce the effect we wanted to avoid. Take our children for example, the more we struggle to make them like us, the more they fight to be themselves. I am not talking about teaching them to be kind, respectful and compassionate. Of course, we want to do everything we can to instill these values. What I mean is trying to control who they become like who they choose as friends or the interests they pursue.

Here’s what Kahlil Gibran had to say “On Children”

“Your children are not your children, They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”

This week, look deeply into your child’s eyes and ask “Who are you? Who are you becoming?” Then listen with your intuition. If you don’t have children, look into your own eyes in the mirror and ask the same questions. Finally, release whatever comes to mind and let the universe fill in the details. Ah, the sweet taste of surrender.

Enjoy!

The 5 Best Self-Care Resources on the Net

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in July Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

When it comes to self-care, it can be tough to find resources that are both of quality and informative. In order to make the search easier, here are the 5 best self-care resources on the web (in no particular order):

1. Self-Compassion: A Healthier Way of Relating to Yourself – Dr. Kristin Neff from the University of Texas at Austin provides a comprehensive site with resources, books and exercises in self-care. She also offers guided meditation videos and scripts, as well as research on the topic of self-compassion.

2. Kind Over Matter – this site is run like a community, with forums, free downloadable inspirational material and eBooks. According to the site’s creator, Laura, Kind Over Matter “… [helps readers] lead authentic lives doing what we love & by sharing that, by giving it a voice, we are helping more people step into their dreams & greatness.”

3. Psychology Today – the partner site to Psychology Today magazine contains many articles about self-care, self-compassion, relationships and coping mechanisms for stress.

4. Mindful Self-Compassion – psychotherapist Dr. Christopher Germer, based in Arlington, MA, provides a site that contains free downloadable exercises, free audio meditations, books and the opportunity to sign up for one of his many workshops.

5. Living Self-Care – you’re already here! Our blog, updated bi-weekly, provides tips and exercises that promote self-care. We also have a “self-care challenge” 2 times a year in which everyone is a winner.

The quest for self-care is heating up as people around the globe realize that most of their problems stem from lack of it! While there are other, smaller sites on the topic, the 5 listed above are the most comprehensive and useful for anyone interested in the subject.

Sex: Why We Love It and Why It’s Okay

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in July Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Sex: it’s everywhere! From slacks to soda, the concept of sex is used in print, Internet and TV ads more than any other theme of everyday life. What’s so alluring about the idea of sex and sexy things that draws us to it like moths to a flame?

That is not a simple question to answer, unfortunately. There are so many factors that tie in with the concept of sexuality, there’s no one that can be identified. However, since sex is something all humans have in common, whether it’s the act or the urge to act, just about everyone can relate to the general concept. And when people relate to something, they are more likely to buy it or support it.

There’s also the allure of the “forbidden fruit” or taboo aspect. Humans want things that are considered no-no’s by society. We want to feel individualized and rebellious. Even though sex is way more widely visible in today’s world than it was even 10 years ago, there’s still a stigma attached to it. Sex is something people do behind closed doors; it’s secret. That’s another reason we react the way we do.

In this heat wave, many people are choosing to stay inside in the air conditioning. And, as in the wintertime, when folks are thrown together in such close company, many are heating up the bedroom. Sex is an important part of self-care, as it relieves stress, releases our natural painkillers (called endorphins), and generally elevates our mood. So no matter the reason you find yourself drawn to the concept of sex, keep in mind that it’s part of healthy self-care; and therefore, you are not a pervert for thinking about it!

Happy heat wave!

The Law of Giving and Receiving

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

I just got back from a wonderful week of meditation and yoga with Deepak Chopra and the amazing Chopra Center teachers. In it, they talked about how each day corresponds to one of “7 Spiritual Laws of Success,” and ways to practice each law on a given day.

So, here’s my first gift for you-ideas from Deepak Chopra about how to put Monday’s law, the “Law of Giving” into practice.

1. Bring everyone you come in contact with today a gift. For example, a smile, compliment or hug. Be creative. Material gifts count too but research shows that affection, attention and acceptance nourish our souls most.

2.  Be grateful for all life’s gifts like the sun, the flowers and waking up in the morning. Be open to receiving gifts from others whether it’s a material gift, compliment or kind remark. Let it soak in.

3. Keep the ultimate “wealth in life” -love, affection and caring ” circulating through giving and receiving which work in unison to keep the energy of the universe flowing. Send lovingkindness silently to everyone you meet.

My second gift to you is to encourage you to sign up for the Chopra Center’s 21-Day meditation challenge “Free to Love” which starts today. Each day has a guided meditation, inspiration and practical tips about improving your health and well-being. Don’t pressure yourself about this. Be open-minded and take from it what works for you. That’s all.

Enjoy!