Author: Dr. Diane Sanford

Psychologist Dr. Diane Sanford has been passionate about helping women improve their health and lead happier lives since counseling her first postpartum mom 25 years ago. She has re-focused her efforts on mind/body health, which is a part of greater Self-Care.

Sanford’s “Five A Day” For May

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

Last week, Stacey and I declared May Self-Care Month, and asked you to pick a self-care tip from our Top Ten Tips Plus Two to practice for the month. Many of you responded by saying you agreed.

Long before this blog was born, I discovered the only way to take good care of those we love is to take good care of ourselves. That’s how I developed my “Five A Day”- self-care skills critical to health and well-being. Since several of you mentioned working on these, #2 on our self-care list, here they are:

1.    Nutrition.  Eat at regular intervals to keep your body fueled and substitute healthy snacks for meals when needed.   Consume food mindfully without distractions like TV or cell-phones.  Eat healthy 75% of the time.

2.    Sleep.  Research shows that we need 8-9 hours of sleep for mental and physical health.  So, create a bedtime routine which quiets your mind instead of working until your head hits the pillow.  Lack of restful sleep diminishes  physical and emotional health.

3.    Physical Activity.  Recent studies indicate there are many successful ways to exercise from 15-20 minutes daily or  3-4 times weekly for an hour.  A combination of cardio, strength, and flexibility is best. Remember, exercise improves mood and longevity.

4.    Rest.  Take breaks.  Periods of activity/energy expenditure require periods of recuperation.  Our bodies aren’t designed to run full-tilt 24/7.

5.    Stress. Be aware of physical signs of stress: muscle tension, headaches, and GI symptoms.  If these occur, do something restorative-nap, workout, read, or whatever soothes you.  Don’t wait!

As a mom, wife, and daughter, I know it’s easy to neglect our health needs while insisting that our loved ones attend to theirs. I remember when my children were young, eating what they left on their plates for my meal. Taking a break was throwing in a load of laundry or picking up. I joke with friends that I didn’t exercise for 15 years although every day was a workout. With regard to stress management, suffice it to say I didn’t.

Please join us in declaring May self-care month. It’s worked for us. It can work for you.

Intuition: It’s a Wise Sage

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized
Albert Einstein
Einstein knew it and lived it!

Welcome to May! It’s Self-Care Month and one of my very favorite techniques for managing day-to-day stress is listening to what I call my “Higher Self.” I’ve heard it called by many other names; for example, Inner Wisdom, Intuition, and Gut Feelings.

Keeping one ear on the same frequency as my Higher Self helps me deal with just about everything, but I find it especially helpful when I need to make decisions or need guidance. Tapping into this ever-present resource tends to be different for different people. If I am facing a decision that I feel “on the fence about,” one simple way I can ask my Higher Self is by thinking about my question on a long in-breath and then listening for the answer on a long out-breath after establishing a meditative state of mind. I also recognize my Higher Self as a source of that “gut feeling” I get sometimes when I’m going through a tough situation or even that flash of certainty that I shouldn’t run my errands quite yet (usually that means I either need to be home for some reason unknown to me at the time or could have gotten a ticket or into an accident if I had left when I had intended to).

How has your intuition served you in the past? Do you listen and take its advice or are you more likely to ignore a hunch? Today, I challenge you to “listen to you heart” instead of just your mind. Our thoughts can get confusing, but our hearts – the source and residence of our intuition – are usually crystal clear. It’s just a matter of having faith that your intuition is never going to steer you wrong!

*****

Try it out (or practice it if you already use this technique) and let us know how it goes! If you’d like to participate in our May Challenge, write a brief description of how you tapped into your intuition and how it worked (or didn’t work) for you. Email your paragraph to me at sglaesmann@mac.com and you’ll be entered in the drawing to win fabulous prizes during the week of May 21 – 25, 2012.

May is Self-Care Month-We Need You!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Stacey and I are declaring May Self-Care Month, but we need your help choosing the self-care tips we’ll discuss. Last May, we offered our Top 10 Tips Plus Two. Here they are:

How to Live Self-Care

1.      Make your health and well-being a priority

2.      Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.

3.      Manage stress wisely.

4.      Be a positive thinker.

5.      Don’t make assumptions.

6.      Accept yourself and others wholly.

7.      Trust your inner guidance.

8.      Nourish relationships with family and friends.

9.      Respect yourself and others.

10.  Do what makes your heart sing.

11.  Practice compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

12.  Connect with spirit through gratitude, service, and intention.

This week, we’d like each of you to vote for the top tip you’d like us to write about by commenting on it at livingselfcare.com. Then, we’d like you to choose one tip to practice this month and send us a paragraph about what you’re doing to make it stick.  For participating, we’ll enter you into our self-care contest/challenge which will run from May 21-25 and features many wonderful prizes. Check out our contest section to see what we gave away last November.

Stacey and I will also be choosing our top tips, blogging about them and practicing with you. We have learned the hard way that caring for ourselves-body, mind, heart and soul, is better for us as well as our loved ones. When our emotional pitcher is dry, everyone loses.

Join us in declaring May Self-Care Month. While we can’t control everything, we can create a life filled with health, happiness and purpose if we align our actions and thoughts with living self-care body, mind, heart and soul.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it count!

The Friendship Phenomenon

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

It’s still up for debate within myself if technology makes things easier or more difficult for me. I don’t like the idea of being reachable 24/7, but when I leave the house without my phone, I feel “naked” and a bit helpless. The one recent tech development that I know I have benefitted from is Facebook.

I was able to reconnect with some old friends last weekend during a trip to my hometown because of Facebook. We all agreed that it was almost as if no time had passed since the last time we saw each other in person, even though it has actually been about 25 years! By reading and commenting on posts, and browsing pictures on everyone’s Facebook feed, we are able to see what’s going on with each other whenever we want to!

Friendship is an extremely precious and valuable gift. Close friendships help us feel like we fit in somewhere, which is a basic human need. Research has repeatedly shown that women need other women in their lives in order to feel their best. Ladies that don’t have any female friends are at greater risk for depression, heart disease and obesity, just to name a few.

One reason for this is that women are much better listeners than men. When a woman has a problem, she is more likely to discuss it with her female friends than a male friend or male significant other. Men, by nature, are “fixers.” They want to find a way to make our bad feelings go away because they don’t know what to do with us when we are upset!

Take a look around at your circle of friends. Do you have at least one female friend that you can confide in? If not, I challenge you to either plant the seed for a new friendship or nurture an existing one so that you can have, and also be, a confidante. If this need is already met in your life, then congratulations! I hope you will continue to benefit from your friendships!

Circle of Friends
My mini-reunion: I hadn't seen most of these folks in almost 25 years!

Don’t Scratch That Itch-“Surf the Urge” Instead

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Last Monday I talked about spending 15 mindful minutes daily to reduce stress and improve health. Today’s strategy is called “urge surfing.” Developed by Alan Marlatt to help alcoholics resist the “urge” to drink, it works equally well with compulsive behaviors like eating, shopping, excessive TV and gambling. Likewise, it’s a great way to curb compulsive “thoughts.”

As with other mindfulness techniques, the underlying idea is that experience is fluid and that positive and negative feelings, thoughts and urges come and go. Emotional suffering occurs because we worry that if we don’t give in to the urge to take a drink, binge eat or spend too much time online, we’ll bring on an uncomfortable feeling that we won’t be able to tolerate. For example, I tend to stress eat when I’m nervous, worried or mildly sad rather than experience these feelings directly. Or I might obsess over what a friend said to me rather than feel the hurt or anger.

The goal of “urge surfing” is to endure the discomfort of the feeling, thought or urge, without scratching it. For me and my eating, it’s learning to sit mindfully with the feelings that come up when I don’t stress eat and watch their ebb and flow, like waves on the ocean. Sometimes, the feelings may be very strong and uncomfortable; other times they are weaker and less compelling. But the truth about life is that nothing bad or good lasts forever. By learning to be the “observer” of our experience, we are less attached to the ever changing peaks and valleys of our feelings, thoughts and urges.

This week, experiment with “urge surfing” by choosing a compulsive behavior or recurring thought and not giving into it. Some examples are: stress eating, nail biting, dwelling on your to-do list, drinking, and always being plugged in to phones or notepads. Be creative and choose some behavior or thought that speaks to you. Then spend 15 minutes not pursuing it and “surfing” the feelings that arise. Watch them come and go with acceptance and non-judgement.

Cowabunga!

I’m QUEEN of the World!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

My daughter saw Titanic for the first time last night. When I asked her if she liked it, she said, “It was sad, but Rose was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.” I remember recently reading a snippet in People Magazine in which Kate Winslet (who played Rose) said that it was the worst she had ever looked. I wonder what she’d say to my 13 year-old in response to her admiration?

Women (including myself, of course) blame society and the media for the impossible standards of beauty that cause teenagers to starve themselves and even commit suicide. But why is it okay that coaches can call their male players “ladies” when they want to insult them? This is something that is usually not given a second thought to. Is it really that bad to be a woman?

This week, I challenge you to keep your eyes and ears open for subtle or even blatant references to womanhood as a character flaw. It’s not until we start noticing this that we can make an effort to change it. I am proud to be a woman and I hope you are, too! (Sorry, guys!) My hope is that we can all start standing up for our gender, and by extension, ourselves. And Kate Winslet, I agree with my kiddo: you looked gorgeous in Titanic.

It’s Monday: Do You Know Where Your Mind Is?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Right now. This minute. What are you thinking about? Are you focusing on this post or is your mind elsewhere? Maybe you’re thinking about your to-do list or recalling or your visit with a good friend yesterday or waiting to hear from a colleague? But chances are that you’re not attending to the present moment, simply because most of the time we don’t.

This lack of present moment awareness, which afflicts us is affectionately called “mindlessness.” Studies show that we spend the majority of our time thinking about the future or past. However, the moments in our life which matter most are the ones in which we show up. Remember the last time you savored playing with your child, eating a tasty meal, walking in nature or taking a long, warm shower. Now, that’s satisfaction!

Since I just returned from a two-day conference on mindfulness, it’s on my mind and I plan to keep it there by posting about it. As a therapist, mom, woman and person, I think mindfulness is one of the best remedies for creating more joy and less stress. Research on mindfulness shows that it improves our health-body, mind, heart and soul, and that it may increase longevity.

But don’t take my word for it, try it yourself. Spend 15 minutes each day sitting quietly and focus on your breath, flowing in and out of your body. It may help to notice the rise and fall of your belly, your chest or sensations of the breath around your nostrils. Don’t judge your experience. Accept whatever happens. When thoughts occur, gently return your attention to the breath and observe its cycle from inhalation to exhalation.

If sitting still proves too challenging, choose any activity and pay attention to the accompanying sensations. When your mind strays, and it will, bring your focus back to what you’re doing. Like a lion, the mind runs wild but with time and practice, it can be tamed.

As always, let us know how it goes. All questions and comments are welcome.

The Healing Power of Connection

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

This morning I learned that Stacey’s mom was having some health issues. Last week it was my mom. When she asked if I’d fill in for her, I immediately said “Yes! You go take care of your mom.” Once again reminded of the fragility of life and how all we have is now.

Then while traveling today, I sat next to a 72 year-old man on the airplane who described to me his health challenges and triumphs. Despite his current diagnosis of prostate cancer, he was in good spirits and good health. He spoke about how he couldn’t have survived without the support of his wife and family. A testimony to the power of connection and feeling loved.

Although medicine has made many technical advancements, there is much research which demonstrates the healing power of connection through prayer, acts of kindness, friendship and social support. For women, the effects may be particularly strong.    

In meditation, there is a practice called “lovingkindness” which is a way of extending unconditional love and acceptance to others. It goes like this:

   “May you be at peace. May your heart remain open. May you know the beauty of your own true nature. May you be healed. May you be a source of healing to others.”

Let’s keep each other in our hearts and prayers for the next few days and maybe longer. Please join with me to send an extra dose of lovingkindness to Stacey and her mom.

When the Best Thing to Do is No-thing

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Like learning it’s “okay to slow down” which I discussed last week, another ongoing life lesson for me is “doing no-thing”. Last week was busier than usual with family and work, and by Friday I was so hyped up, I’d decided to jump into my to-do list by 7:30 am. When my children were young this was routine, but now “I have options.” LOL.

Anyway, I had contacted my new web designer and set up an “urgent” meeting for that day, rearranged my weekend schedule and started to review my e-mail. All the time congratulating myself on what I would accomplish. Then, I noticed “IT”-a growing sense of tension and dis-ease, radiating from my gut and spreading through my body. My stomach is my stress center which is why I sometimes find myself unconsciously in the pantry reaching for carb-rich snacks.

Instead of ignoring what I was feeling, I stopped and listened. While it wasn’t easy, it was worthwhile. My frenzied attitude issued from a sense of urgency which didn’t exist-except in my head. No fatal or life-threatening consequences would befall me if I just let the day unfold which days tend to do quite well without effort . So, I did and almost immediately, started to feel better. By doing no-thing, I was giving my mind and body what it needed. Some rest.

I remembered how I first met Kay, my wonderful web designer, who agreed to meet with me Friday and then gladly cancelled, saying I probably did need to take a break. I was in the motor vehicle office waiting to renew my driver’s license. For months, I’d been looking for a web designer without success when I heard two women behind me talking about one of them launching a new design business. I turned around, apologized for eavesdropping, and gladly took Kay’s card. By doing no-thing, I found what I was looking for.

How will you practice doing no-thing this week? When you notice stress, stop and see what happens. Comment on “your discoveries” below.

Congratulations!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I spent the weekend watching movies on Showtime and its partner channels. Most of them were older, such as Medicine Man and The Core. As I watched, one thing stood out in each movie: recognition. Whether it’s a presentation of a new project or a potential cure for cancer, the characters wanted to make sure their names were included in the program/scientific journals.

As American culture dictates, we all work hard and try to be as productive as possible. But what do we work for (besides our paychecks)? Recognition or praise. Some managers recognize this need and make sure to praise their employees when appropriate. As a result, the employee will want to continue to work hard to keep worthy of the praise that was given to him/her. Recognition is a great motivator.

Praise is within your reach anytime you need it. This may be a difficult task, but pepper your self-talk with positive things. Instead of I am such an idiot! try I made a mistake, but I am human. I forgive myself. Extend your positivity to your children; praise them any time they are exhibiting pleasant behavior. Thank you for being such a helpful boy! encourages the child to be helpful more often. Giving praise to family, friends, co-workers, kids and especially yourself will make life much sunnier and definitely more peaceful. Happy April!