Tag: building new habits

A Not-So-Secret Anxiety Remedy

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I was in session yesterday with a young lady who has been dealing with anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) for most of her life. I’ve been working with her for quite a while, and we’ve tried all kinds of coping mechanisms. In her session, she told me that she thinks she has found THE coping tool that has significantly reduced her symptoms. She had been discouraged after trying progressive muscle relaxation, breathing techniques, thought monitoring/stopping, visualization and a few others. So when she said this, I got excited! What was her favored remedy? Present moment awareness!

Diane and I have written about mindfulness and present moment awareness in the past, and we both agree that this technique is one of the basics of self-care. While it’s true that not all coping tools will work for everyone, this particular exercise, when made habitual, can change lives.

My client is dealing with financial problems, and found herself worked into a panic regularly, wondering how she was going to get enough money to pay her bills. Using present moment awareness, she has been able to tell herself, “The bills are not due today. Right now, all is well. I’ll deal with it when the time comes.” This usually brings her anxiety down and sometimes wipes it completely out!

Of course, some things do require planning ahead, and paying bills can be one of them. My client told me yesterday that she had 2 “out of the blue” opportunities to make extra money, and that would take care of her August bills! She’s now working on maintaining mindfulness, but also having faith that God/The Universe will provide for her, as long as she expects Him/it to.

She said she felt strange when practicing these new thoughts, because her old thought patterns were so negative. It made sense to her that we tend to get what we expect to get out of life. So, if she expects obstacles and depression, that’s what she gets. After getting some “proof” that positive and mindful thoughts DO have a real effect in her life, she’s finding renewed enthusiasm to keep it up!

Battling the Back-to-School Blahs

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Monday Musings

Now that my daughters are older, starting school is less challenging time and energy wise. But for those of you who still have younger children, August can be a stressful and depleting month. Here are some recommendations from Lisa Salazar, a therapist and mom of two teens and a toddler, who’s found that organization and routine is key to decreasing stress and maintain a healthy balance in at home.

Schedule family time:  Allow your children to help plan a weekly family night.  An example is renting videos and watching them at home with favorite movie snacks to enjoy.  During family night, rules should be established, such as no texting or taking phone calls.

Choose chores:  Because everyone’s schedules are busier now, it is helpful to have a family meeting where everyone can decide which chores they will be responsible for.

Homework:  By providing your children a calendar and having one for yourself, both of you can jot down any special dates and scheduled tests.   Staying organized is the key to a successful school year!

Observe child’s behavior:   Be mindful of any changes in behavior, sleep, and eating behaviors.

Offer support and solutions:  Be your child’s strongest advocate.  Reach out to teacher s and counselors to help you and your child.

Listen:  Use car rides home and dinner time to talk with your child.

Real Mom Lisa

Today’s guest author is Lisa Salazar, MA, LMFT, LPC who is a licensed marriage and family therapist.  She has been married for 18 years and has 3 children.   Books in the Burbs is a blog that Lisa maintains to write book reviews.

Hatred is a Heavy Burden

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I’ve been astonished at some of the hate being spewed out from my “friends” on Facebook as the Presidential election draws near. It’s great to debate, share opinions and find like-minded people. However, like the race itself, both parties are getting dirty and hateful.

We’ve all felt that hateful feeling at one time or another. Most people say they don’t like feeling that way, but there are always a few that not only like it, but purposely create it. If you carry grudges or find yourself hating someone or something, think about who that is really hurting…YOU.

The subject of your negative feelings is most likely unaware or unaffected by your hatred. But you have to carry it with you all day, every day. It weighs you down, tires you out and makes life in general more difficult.

Politics and religion seem to be the hot topics that elicit such hateful statements. I’ve had to make myself ignore ugly posts and comments because it does stir a lot of anger in me – not because I feel one way or another about the candidates, but the shock at the actions of my “friends.” If you find yourself feeling rageful, hate or carrying a grudge, the best thing you can do for yourself is let it go. The minute you do, you will feel lighter and your stress level will go down. Anything that has those results is definitely self-care! So, gals, let it go and focus on what is really important in your life.

Self-Care Back to School Style

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Summer is quickly drawing to a close and stores are putting out their “back to school” supplies, uniforms and backpacks. Happy parents can be found perusing these items, while their usually sullen offspring trail behind. After the kids get on the bus, many parents feel that they can finally exhale and take some time for themselves.

Contrary to popular belief, self-care doesn’t require a large amount of time. The payoffs, however, are great. In as little as 15 minutes, a world-weary mom or dad can recharge and gather more energy and enthusiasm to face the day. Some quick activities for self-care are listed below:

  • Enjoy a long, hot bubble bath
  • Read a chapter or two in a “just-for-me” book (no reading for work)
  • Write a letter to a friend, snail mail style
  • Take a power nap
  • Watch an episode of a favorite 30-minute television show
  • Do a 15-minute yoga routine
  • Meditate
  • Write in a journal or diary
  • Draw, paint or color a picture
  • Complete a crossword puzzle

While these suggestions are easily done in a 15 – 30 minute timeframe, scheduled “me time” activities such as massage and manicures are important, too. If Mom and Dad take care of themselves first, they will have more to offer to their kids and the world.

Can a Video Game Help with Self Care?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in August Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Recently, a good friend brought a game to my attention. When she said, “You have to check out this game!” my first reaction was, “No thank you…I don’t need another distraction!” I’ve never been much of a gamer, and I think the reason is because I can become obsessive about something fairly easily.

My friend persisted and convinced me to watch the game’s inventor, Jane McGonigal, explain the concept behind her idea. Once I realized that this “game” was really about promoting self-care, I jumped on board and started “playing.”

The game, which can be downloaded from most app stores or played online, is called SuperBetter. I originally chuckled at the name because it sounds like some kind of bad Japanese translation. But as I started playing, I couldn’t think of any name that was better suited for it!

Here’s the gist: like in most games, you are the central character. You can make a “secret identity” if you wish – really it’s a cool way of creating an online persona. You can form alliances with anyone else who is playing the game (it works with people who are not playing, too, but it’s not as effective). You identify your own “bad guys” – the things that are your greatest challenges AND your own “power ups” which are the things that you know make you feel better. It’s basically a guide to making your own personal self-care plan. It does not take a lot of time to play – you can do most things in less than 5 minutes. BUT IT WORKS. I can tell if I have gone a whole day without playing just by checking in with my tension levels.

SuperBetter, at the very least, is a reminder that you need to take care of yourself. But at the most – it can add years to your life, strengthen friendships, problem-solve obstacles and provide a community to share your experiences. If this sounds like something you’d like to experience, make sure to watch Jane’s video to hear her scientifically researched rationale behind the game. Then download the app or visit the SuperBetter site and get ready to feel…well, SuperBetter!

The 5 Best Self-Care Resources on the Net

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in July Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

When it comes to self-care, it can be tough to find resources that are both of quality and informative. In order to make the search easier, here are the 5 best self-care resources on the web (in no particular order):

1. Self-Compassion: A Healthier Way of Relating to Yourself – Dr. Kristin Neff from the University of Texas at Austin provides a comprehensive site with resources, books and exercises in self-care. She also offers guided meditation videos and scripts, as well as research on the topic of self-compassion.

2. Kind Over Matter – this site is run like a community, with forums, free downloadable inspirational material and eBooks. According to the site’s creator, Laura, Kind Over Matter “… [helps readers] lead authentic lives doing what we love & by sharing that, by giving it a voice, we are helping more people step into their dreams & greatness.”

3. Psychology Today – the partner site to Psychology Today magazine contains many articles about self-care, self-compassion, relationships and coping mechanisms for stress.

4. Mindful Self-Compassion – psychotherapist Dr. Christopher Germer, based in Arlington, MA, provides a site that contains free downloadable exercises, free audio meditations, books and the opportunity to sign up for one of his many workshops.

5. Living Self-Care – you’re already here! Our blog, updated bi-weekly, provides tips and exercises that promote self-care. We also have a “self-care challenge” 2 times a year in which everyone is a winner.

The quest for self-care is heating up as people around the globe realize that most of their problems stem from lack of it! While there are other, smaller sites on the topic, the 5 listed above are the most comprehensive and useful for anyone interested in the subject.

A Good Kind of Stress

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Monday Musings

I just got back from a wonderful vacation to Disney World with my daughter and my dad. It was a great week, but I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation! This got me thinking about the stress we experience from good things – it’s called “eustress.”

Whether it’s a vacation, getting married or getting a promotion, even good experiences have stress attached to them. At Disney, we did a lot of walking and waiting in long lines in a high heat and humidity climate. We had to navigate crowds and deal with air travel. So while we all had a fabulous time, all 3 of us are now taking a couple of days to relax from the eustress we experienced.

Many people don’t realize the amount of stress that’s involved with positive events. And if they feel stressed-out, irritable or anxious, they think that there’s something wrong with them instead of acknowledging the eustress that accompanies good events. Thoughts like, “How can I be feeling so bad? I’m on vacation!” can increase anxiety and cause guilt. But when folks accept that yes, even positive situations are stressful, the anxiety and guilt will usually decrease or go away altogether.

When we chose the dates for our vacation, we purposely booked the flight home on a Friday so we would have the weekend to decompress from our eustress before going back to work on Monday. I have been relaxing, watching movies and playing around on the computer all weekend. Laundry and other chores need to be done, but they will still be there tomorrow when, hopefully, I will feel recovered from my vacation eustress.

What are some of the coping techniques that you have used to dissolve your eustress? We’d love to hear what works for you!

P.S. We will be announcing the winners from our May Self-Care Challenge on Thursday! Stay tuned!

Making Positive Ripples

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

The image of dropping a stone into a body of water has been used throughout time to illustrate The Butterfly Effect – or the ripples it causes. There has been a spotlight in the last couple of years on the concept of “paying it forward.” But what does all this mean?

We have no idea how many people our actions touch. The ripples in the water represent not only those people that we know we’re influencing (the rings in the center), but the folks that we would never guess we affect (the outer rings). For example, Jean decided to clean out her closet and donate her used clothing to a charity that helps clothe indigent women. The clothes arrive at the charity and get assigned to various women. The volunteer who helps each woman feels good about her work. Her client, Bess, looks in the mirror and, for the first time, sees someone who has confidence. Bess goes on a job interview and the interviewer thinks she is very professional looking. The mail guy, Mike, is doing his rounds and catches Bess’s eye. He asks her out after her interview and she says yes. They successfully date for a year and then get engaged. So, to hit this point home, Jean thought she was just donating clothes when really, indirectly, she helped two people find each other.

Keep in mind that the ripples from our words and actions go far. Be selective about what you say and do. Choose words of kindness and encouragement (especially when using self-talk). Do positive things, from helping a single person to changing the world. Always put your best foot forward because you never know whom you will touch in those outer ripples!

P.S. Happy Birthday to my Daddy! You’re still awesome!! – Stacey

Be Your Own Advocate

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

What a great Self-Care Challenge we had! Thank you to all who participated! Diane and I will announce winners and prizes next week, as I am on my way to a training today. We put ourselves first, and instead of rushing and scrambling to get things out this week, we are moving it back. It is always our hope to be good role models for you!

As I write this, I am in the Emergency Room at a hospital in the Houston Medical Center with a good friend who fell ill this morning. As I talk to various healthcare professionals, it struck me just how important advocating for your own healthcare is. Not only do we need to supply information, but we need to ASK for information. If a doctor or nurse wants to treat you with something, it is your right to ask them exactly what they are doing. If you don’t want that treatment or if you have questions about an alternate treatment, speak up!

It’s only natural to feel at the mercy of a doctor. Our society teaches that folks such as doctors, lawyers, police and teachers are authority figures who can’t be questioned. The truth is that your healthcare team is actually working for YOU. Use critical thinking and ask questions; try to get past any feelings of intimidation. And if someone is rude or mistreats you, make sure you take action by reporting that person to their supervisors or filing a complaint with a Patient Liason.

Hopefully you won’t see the inside of a hospital anytime soon, but if you do, remember that YOU come first!

To read more, check out this article from The Hospitals and Health Networks.

Self-Care Challenge Day 5: Interior/Exterior

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

I never understood – in fact, I always had a problem with – airline instructions of putting on an oxygen mask on yourself first, then on to others … that is not until Saturday when my friend came over. The more she talked, the more apparent it became that she was stretched so thin and was so frazzled in her pursuit of perfection at work and parenting, that she was miserable. Then it clicked; she needed to put her oxygen mask on first. She needed to take care of herself first to be better in other areas of her life…but so do I. May is my month of improvement. I didn’t pick one technique; I chose all and try (and I say try) every day to remind myself that all these things were important – I was putting on my oxygen mask first.

I was so thrilled to be asked to write a guest post as I feel strongly in women’s self care. Since my blog, adetailedhouse.com, expresses my love of interior design, what better place than to start at home? A warm, welcoming retreat has a ripple effect in one’s overall well-being and life. Even animals need their dens and nests. I find the atmosphere in my home the most essential thing to my ability to relax. Chaos in my space unwittingly leads to chaos in my mind. Colors, styles, textures, art and tastes are very personal and each person has a visceral reaction to them. The key is finding what speaks to you so you can be soothed mentally, physically and spiritually.

I’d like to give a visual of what I mean, but without commentary so that you can feel the rooms and see what you respond to:

Surround yourself with what you love
Darker and bolder
Vibrant color
Whitest whites

Pale and soothing

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Our guest blogger, Kearney, is the author of A Detailed House, a blog that shares tips and anecdotes about interior design and life with 2 young daughters.