Ironically, I came across this video on Facebook! It’s very interesting, in my opinion, especially as we plan to get together with friends and family for Thanksgiving.
Tag: healthy communication
Some Inspiration for Your Weekend
Happy Thanksgiving!
We here at Living Self-Care would like to wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving! This year has been full of changes for us, and I think I can speak for Diane when I say we are very grateful for each and every one of them.
When things happen, they’re just things. We are responsible for what we label them (good or bad). It’s hard to imagine something like a cancer diagnosis being something GOOD, but I have also heard from several survivors and current cancer patients that their diagnosis and journey has ultimately changed them for the better.
It’s easy to be thankful for the obviously positive things in life, but most of the time, the negative (or what we label as “bad”) presents a learning opportunity. The trick is to be open minded and try to look at the situation outside of your usual way of thinking. There’s usually the proverbial “silver lining” to be found, and I truly believe there is no such thing as failure, only lessons.
This year, as challenging as the change has been, I am so thankful that my mother moved in with us. We don’t have to worry about each other long distance anymore. And though we bump heads often, I am so thankful that we are learning how to relate to each other again (in a much more healthy manner this time).
As you go about your Thanksgiving traditions, remember that there are so many things to be grateful for – even the things that you may have categorized as “awful.” Have a safe and happy one!!
All of our love,
Big Changes
Diane will be back posting next Monday after she gets back from her fabulous trip to Spain! Hopefully we’ll get to hear all about it!
In the meantime, I wanted to share an experience of my own with you. My family and I recently decided that it was time for my mother to move in with us for several reasons. I felt such a mixture of emotions at the thought: happiness because I’ll see her more and because I’ll be there if she needs anything medically; apprehension because of our past relationship (though it has since been healed); and wariness that I might fall back into my childhood relationship patterns with her.
She’s only been here a couple of days and I have to keep myself from treating her like a guest. My impulse is to ask, “Can I do something or get something for you?” In reality, all she wants is to find her own way and settle into her own routine that is harmonious with ours. My offers to do things for her would just enable her to be more dependent than independent, and neither of us want that.
We have agreed on a code of complete honesty, even if that may mean hurt feelings. We have discovered the hard way through the years that mind reading is just not possible!
This is a big change for all of us, and I struggle to remember that. Holding myself back from offering things and allowing myself to be calm in spite of my mother’s habitual anxiety is a challenge. But my intuition is telling me that this is a good situation, so I’m focusing on an attitude of gratitude instead of stressing out. It’s not easy, but I am worth it – and so are YOU!
Body Language: Louder than Speech
I was in session with a client yesterday who was telling me that she felt her whole life had been one giant obstacle. “Nothing goes right for me,” she said tearfully. She wondered why the people in her life seemed to always take advantage of her or make her feel inferior to them.
As I listened, I took note of her body language. She was slumped down on the couch, holding a pillow on her lap and looking down at the floor as she spoke. She was obviously feeling dejected and defeated.
I asked her to become aware of her body language in that moment. She brought her awareness to the position of her body, noted the pillow on her lap (which she hadn’t realized was even there), and looked up as if a light had just turned on in her mind. “People know things about me before they even meet me, don’t they?” she asked. After I asked for clarification, she wisely replied that her slumped position indicated that she had given up and the pillow on her lap conveyed her general fear of the world (the pillow was protection) and her feelings of helplessness.
Whether we know it or not, body language is a huge part in human communication. You may find someone standoffish but not know why or be introduced to a new person and find them immediately annoying for no obvious reason. Many times, it’s our subconscious picking up and interpreting the other person’s body language.
If someone is standing with their arms folded in front of them, that can be interpreted as standoffish, aggressive and/or unapproachable. The person could be the nicest guy or girl in the world, but his/her posture unwittingly prevents anyone from wanting to get to know them.
As you go about your day, pay attention to your body language. What messages are you sending out to the world by the way you walk, sit, stand and talk? Head up, arms down to your sides in an open position and a straight, but relaxed posture, is more likely to attract the people you would like in your life and put those you already know at ease. If you need to adjust your body language, please practice – and also be on the lookout for the subtle messages you receive from the people around you. You may be surprised at how you interpret folks at first glance!
How Much is Your Decal Giving Away?
In the past few years, it seems to have become fashionable to advertise your children’s activities or your family structure on the back window of your vehicle. It’s all in good fun, and parents as well as kids feel proud to display their achievements. But exactly how much information are you really giving out to strangers?
From the decal above, we can figure out that there are 2 parents, 3 boys and 2 dogs. It appears as if this family enjoys surfing and boogie-boarding. That’s pretty vague isn’t it? But what happens when you use a more specific decal?
Now we know there’s a boy named Bobby who plays baseball in jersey # 18. If you live in a big city, this still leaves a lot of questions as to who “Bobby” might be. If you live in a small town, this may tell you exactly who Bobby is! And believe it or not, decals get even more specific than this!
I was behind a mani-van that had a sticker on the back that advertised a Cub Scout Pack, gave the Pack number and the name of the child! All I would have to do is a minimal amount of research on the Internet to find out where and when this pack meets, show up and ask for the child whose name I saw on the back of the van. If I were to really conduct this kind of experiment, I would hand the child a letter, telling his or her parents how I found the child, how easy it was to do and to encourage a little more anonymity in public.
I wish I could say it’s a completely safe world out there, but we all know that I’d be lying. Taking care of yourself and your family often times means using your common sense and critical thinking skills instead of following the pack blindly. There are many decals that don’t give away much information, but if you have one that might, please remove it and spread the word to others. We want all of our readers to be safe and happy!
Web Therapy: New Options for New Moms
If any of you have seen Web Therapy starring Lisa Kudrow on Showtime, then you know that this type of interaction is possible (though we hope no counselor is as awful as Kudrow’s character). Therapy is indeed coming into the 21st Century, with resources available to folks that may have had none before.
Regroup Therapy is one such example of how resources are reaching out to new moms instead of them having to research, coordinate and get to a therapist’s office. Regroup offers both group and individual sessions from the comfort of your own home or office. Each group and session is led by a licensed mental health professional with extensive training in the field of perinatal mood disorders. Clients just need a computer with a web cam, a microphone and head phones or earbuds, which most modern machines come equipped with.
This service is useful in many situations. Folks who live far away from any resources, moms who may be just too depressed to get to an appointment, new moms who want a group experience where no groups are available, and even moms who like the less personal interaction with a therapist on the computer screen can all benefit from Regroup’s services.
I am proud to be a part of Regroup, and ask that you spread the word to anyone who may benefit from a service like this. Please take a look at our website and stay tuned for exciting new things to come! Therapy can be a very vital part of self-care, and with Regroup, it can be much easier, too!
Making Positive Ripples
The image of dropping a stone into a body of water has been used throughout time to illustrate The Butterfly Effect – or the ripples it causes. There has been a spotlight in the last couple of years on the concept of “paying it forward.” But what does all this mean?
We have no idea how many people our actions touch. The ripples in the water represent not only those people that we know we’re influencing (the rings in the center), but the folks that we would never guess we affect (the outer rings). For example, Jean decided to clean out her closet and donate her used clothing to a charity that helps clothe indigent women. The clothes arrive at the charity and get assigned to various women. The volunteer who helps each woman feels good about her work. Her client, Bess, looks in the mirror and, for the first time, sees someone who has confidence. Bess goes on a job interview and the interviewer thinks she is very professional looking. The mail guy, Mike, is doing his rounds and catches Bess’s eye. He asks her out after her interview and she says yes. They successfully date for a year and then get engaged. So, to hit this point home, Jean thought she was just donating clothes when really, indirectly, she helped two people find each other.
Keep in mind that the ripples from our words and actions go far. Be selective about what you say and do. Choose words of kindness and encouragement (especially when using self-talk). Do positive things, from helping a single person to changing the world. Always put your best foot forward because you never know whom you will touch in those outer ripples!
P.S. Happy Birthday to my Daddy! You’re still awesome!! – Stacey
Be Your Own Advocate
What a great Self-Care Challenge we had! Thank you to all who participated! Diane and I will announce winners and prizes next week, as I am on my way to a training today. We put ourselves first, and instead of rushing and scrambling to get things out this week, we are moving it back. It is always our hope to be good role models for you!
As I write this, I am in the Emergency Room at a hospital in the Houston Medical Center with a good friend who fell ill this morning. As I talk to various healthcare professionals, it struck me just how important advocating for your own healthcare is. Not only do we need to supply information, but we need to ASK for information. If a doctor or nurse wants to treat you with something, it is your right to ask them exactly what they are doing. If you don’t want that treatment or if you have questions about an alternate treatment, speak up!
It’s only natural to feel at the mercy of a doctor. Our society teaches that folks such as doctors, lawyers, police and teachers are authority figures who can’t be questioned. The truth is that your healthcare team is actually working for YOU. Use critical thinking and ask questions; try to get past any feelings of intimidation. And if someone is rude or mistreats you, make sure you take action by reporting that person to their supervisors or filing a complaint with a Patient Liason.
Hopefully you won’t see the inside of a hospital anytime soon, but if you do, remember that YOU come first!
To read more, check out this article from The Hospitals and Health Networks.
Self-Care Challenge Day 3: Healthy Relationships
As we like to say at livingselfcare.com, “Self-Care is like chocolate. You can never have enough.” During this week’s self-care challenge we’ll bring you daily tips and inspiration with a chance to win prizes that pamper. Click here to learn more.
***********************************************************************
Just like we wear many “hats,” we maintain many different types of relationships: kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends. Sometimes it’s easy to avoid or ignore a relationship and let it die. At times, it’s essential to cut ties with people who are unhealthy for you. But what about the people we love, but won’t interact with?
Relationships die for many reasons. Conflict is a big factor in this. I have a friend who moved several years ago. She go that far; her home is just a few hours away (can you tell I live in Texas yet?). But I don’t know what’s going on in her life anymore and she doesn’t know about mine.
This is a woman I’ve known for 15 years. We used to talk about everything and help each other out whenever needed. What happened to us? We had a big argument right after she moved. Neither one of us would budge. Now I feel sad every time I think of her.
I’m afraid to call her. “What if she hates me?” I always think. Most likely this is a distorted thought. I know that if she called me, I would be glad to hear from her. So, I am going to make that call today.
I urge you to reconnect with anyone that is special to you who you have avoided due to conflict. It can be scary to face but most of the time, anger dissolves into relief once you take the steps to reach out.
***********************************************************************
For more tips on how to preserve relationship health, check out our friend Mollee Bauer. Mollee is founder of pregnancy.org, a site which offers great advice on pre-conception, pregnancy and post-birth mind-body health. She’s also one of our Challenge Champions!
drdianesanford.com 