Tag: living life fully

My George

Posted on by StaceyD in August Tips, Thursdays with Stacey

When I was first in therapy for anxiety and panic attacks, my therapist gave me an exercise: draw the anxiety. It ended up looking a little like E.T. but with a sour disposition. I named it, “George.”

The purpose of naming the anxiety wasn’t to adopt it permanently into my psyche; it was to have something that was NOT me to “blame” for anxious thoughts, feelings, etc. Though I don’t have panic attacks or much anxiety anymore, I still call George out when negative or illogical thoughts come to mind, causing me distress. This is a technique that I have shared with clients, most with success.

Here’s an example:

Jan works in an office with several other people. Because of her upbringing and low self-esteem, Jan believes that people don’t like her very much. In her quest to feel better about herself, Jan started therapy and named those ugly thoughts, “The Hulk,” because they feel angry and green.

On her way out to lunch, Jan passed her co-worker in the hall. Jan smiled, but the co-worker’s face did not change from one that looked a bit angry. “Oh no!” Jan thought. “Sheila is mad at me! What did I do?” Recognizing the angry, green feeling of her “Hulk,” Jan started questioning her thought.

“Have I had any interactions with Sheila that would cause anger on her part? No. I haven’t even spoken to her in a few days. Could there be another explanation for Sheila’s mood? Of course! She could be irritated or frustrated with a number of things that have nothing to do with me.”

As Jan focused on these questions, her “Hulk” turned back into mild-mannered Bruce Banner, who is way more manageable than his alter ego.

If you deal with anxiety, depression or just negative thinking, what does your “George” look like? What color, shape and texture is it? What is its name? By having a third party to “blame” for these thoughts, you are living healthier – for you are NOT your thoughts. And your thoughts do not have to direct your behavior. I have taken away George’s power to control me, and I’m much healthier for it!

Namaste’

 

Mark Twain’s Top 9 Tips For Living A Kick-Ass Life

Posted on by StaceyD in July Tips, Thursdays with Stacey

I actually came upon this article on Facebook, where some of my favorites come from The Mind Unleashed. I’ve always been a fan of Mark Twain, and he has some pretty good quotes regarding Self-Care. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did! Namaste – Stacey

***

mark-twainYou may know Mark Twain for some of his very popular books like The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. He was a writer and also a humorist, satirist and lecturer.

Twain is known for his many – and often funny – quotes. Here are a few of my favorite tips from him:

1. APPROVE OF YOURSELF. “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”

If you don’t approve of yourself, of your behavior and actions then you’ll probably walk around most of the day with a sort of uncomfortable feeling. If you, on the other hand, approve of yourself then you tend to become relaxed and gain inner freedom to do more of what you really want.

This can, in a related way, be a big obstacle in personal growth. You may have all the right tools to grow in some way but you feel an inner resistance. You can’t get there.

What you may be bumping into there are success barriers. You are putting up barriers in your own mind of what you may or may not deserve. Or barriers that tell you what you are capable of. They might tell you that you aren’t really that kind of person that could this thing that you’re attempting.

Or if you make some headway in the direction you want to go you may start to sabotage for yourself. To keep yourself in a place that is familiar for you.

So you need give yourself approval and allow yourself to be who you want to be. Not look for the approval from others. But from yourself. To dissolve that inner barrier or let go of that self-sabotaging tendency. This is no easy task and it can take time.

2. YOUR LIMITATIONS MAY JUST BE IN YOUR MIND. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

So many limitations are mostly in our minds. We may for instance think that people will disapprove because we are too tall, too old or balding. But these things mostly matter when you think they matter. Because you become self-conscious and worried about what people may think.

And people pick up on that and may react in negative ways. Or you may interpret anything they do as a negative reaction because you are so fearful of a bad reaction and so focused inward on yourself.

If you, on the other hand, don’t mind then people tend to not mind that much either. And if you don’t mind then you won’t let that part of yourself become a self-imposed roadblock in your life.

It is, for instance, seldom too late to do what you want to do.

3. LIGHTEN UP AND HAVE SOME FUN. “Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.” “Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

Humor and laughter are amazing tools. They can turn any serious situation into something to laugh about. They can lighten the mood just about anywhere.

And a lighter mood is often a better space to work in because now your body and mind isn’t filled to the brim with negative emotions. When you are more light-hearted and relaxed then the solution to a situation is often easier to both come up with and implement. Have a look at Lighten Up! for more on this topic.

Read quotes 4 – 9 here…

Credits: Written by HENRIK EDBERG of www.positivityblog.com, where this was originally featured.

Rough Seas Ahead

Posted on by StaceyD in July Tips, Tuesday Tips

I have been working with a certain client for a few years now. For simplicity, let’s call her Sarah (not her real name). Sarah is debating a common issue: what to do with a loveless marriage. Since divorce is no longer taboo these days, more women are considering it as an option than ever before. There are still women like Sarah, who believe that marriage is for “forever,” but at what cost?

I have to say something straight-up: I am not an advocate for divorce. Many couples still have a strong foundation that the rest can be supported upon and fixed. In my practice, it is always my intention to help two people salvage their marriage if both are willing to work at it. That being said, I am also not an advocate for the stagnation and lack of self-care that can come about when two people really don’t need to be together.

Sarah has only recently included divorce as an option for herself. She’s been married almost 20 years and has two children with her husband, Bryan (not his real name). She has cited history, children, not wanting to “fail” and not wanting to hurt “anyone” as her reasons for staying. She has not really loved Bryan for 2 or 3 years now, and they have grown apart, each focused on paths that don’t intersect any longer. Bryan is a good man; he is not abusive or adulterous. He is also not present in the relationship until Sarah brings up her discontent (usually after Bryan asks for sex). Then, he may focus more on the marriage for a week or two. But Sarah always ends up in the same place: alone, despite another person being there.

Bryan and Sarah have gone to couples counseling a few times and their therapist tells me that she doesn’t see much of a foundation there. Because I agree, I have been questioning Sarah about what her life would look like if she could wave a magic wand. Her magical world doesn’t involve Bryan.

This issue all boils down, as most issues do, to Self-Care. We all know that life is short, so why would we stay in an unhappy situation for one minute longer than we have to? Because we think we “have to!” Should Sarah decide to separate from Bryan, there will be some rough times. If she stays focused on her own needs and doesn’t try to own Bryan’s or the kids’ reactions, she will come through it in a healthy manner, being honest and open with her family.

Because women are raised in a society that teaches us to nurture at the expense of ourselves, the notion of doing what is best for us sometimes is very scary! But as Sarah and Bryan’s couples therapist said, “She needs to put on her big girl panties and do the ethical – and honest – thing for herself.”

What are some things in your life that you’re maintaining the status quo with because you can’t imagine another option? Are there really no other choices or are the other choices just things that you can’t imagine doing? If you don’t change your situation, how do you think this will affect you in the next year, 5 years, 10 years?

Sometimes, we have to weather the storm to get to calm, peaceful seas. Namaste.

at sea

I’m Free! Free Falling!

Posted on by StaceyD in Self-Care

Well, I must say I am going back and forth with my Self-care at the moment. I have a lot of work coming in and coming due, which is a good problem to have! I found a great app called 30/30 that lets me set blocks of time for work and breaks. And then there’s the day I went skydiving.

Yep. You heard me. I faced my long-standing fear and jumped out of an airplane at 14,000 feet, falling at 125mph breakneck toward the ground. And, as most things we fear, the anticipation and “what if” thoughts were WAY worse than the thing itself!

Phil, my tandem instructor, and me
Phil, my tandem instructor, and me

I thought I would go when I turned 40, almost 3 years ago. Nope. Chickened out. So, when a friend of mine got accepted into the Police Academy (with a full ride scholarship), something she’s wanted her whole life, I told her to pick something to do…my treat. I knew she didn’t drink or like to go to clubs, so I figured maybe a nice movie or dinner at a nicer place. Nope. Wrong again! SKYDIVING, she said.

Suited up!
Suited up!

I panicked at first, but then thought that there was no better time to do this – she had been a few times already and liked the place that we went. I got brave and said, “JUST DO IT!”

And I’m so glad I did! I was terrified at the open door of the plane, looking out, but Phil, who was tightly strapped to me, wasn’t going to let me stand in the way of my goal. He pushed forward and I was falling! I only had that yucky-stomach falling feeling for 2 or 3 seconds, then it was like I was on top of a giant fan! After we pulled the canopy, all of Nature’s beauty was sprawled out in front of us to enjoy. The fall only took about 60 seconds, but it seemed longer because I was so in the moment.

logo100I highly recommend this activity, as long as the place you go has qualified, knowledgeable instructors and and outstanding safety record. We visited Westside Skydivers in Sealy, TX, which is about an hour’s drive. There were closer places, but my friend had experience with Westside, so I didn’t mind the drive. My instructors, Bob and Phil, and my cameraman, Nate, were all wonderful and knew how to put me at ease! Thanks, guys! And yes, I’m going again!!

And Now for the Rest of the Story

Posted on by StaceyD in May Tips, Mind/Body Health, Mindfulness, Mindfulness Month, Thursdays with Stacey

Am I the only one who misses Paul Harvey? I bet not.

I digress. Sorry about the missing Thursday post! Life has been busy…isn’t it always? I volunteer a lot of my time at my local Police Department, and we had our giant yearly fundraiser on May 10, followed immediately by National Police Week activities. Thursday, I was wrapping muffins and preparing for the annual Police Banquet!

I offer this not as an excuse, but as a beginning. I am blessed to have so many things that I am passionate about in my life. Many people have problems finding one passion, much less several! These things bring purpose and fulfillment to my life, at least right now. It wasn’t always this way, however, and probably won’t be this way forever. The one thing we can always count on to stay the same is change!

I think back to when my daughter was born back in 1999. Like many of you, I had an unrealistic view of what motherhood would be and was thinking about finding a way to be a stay-at-home mom. It sounded ideal to me! I could raise my child my way, save on daycare and not have to work, at least outside of the home (we all know that SAHMs are some of the hardest working ladies out there!). I was assigning raising my daughter to be my purpose in life.

Many mothers, grandmothers, dads and other caregivers have found fulfillment in this for thousands of years – I figured that I could, too. But I was wrong. And because I was restless, depressed and felt purposeless, I didn’t enjoy my time with my baby girl. Instead of looking at changing my situation, I blamed my discontent on myself as some sort of character flaw. I thought that ALL mothers naturally felt such joy with their babies and something was wrong with me because I didn’t. Those thoughts snowballed into a severe, suicidal depression with a nice, juicy side of panic.

I can look back now and understand that there wasn’t anything inherently wrong with me…I was just trying to make myself fit into a box that was a different shape than I needed. Over time and with therapy and medication, I got to that understanding, went back to work and felt much better. And, of course, as the years passed and my daughter got older, my preferences and passions have changed into something I never really expected. That’s the awesomeness of life at work – if we stop trying to force ourselves into boxes and instead just roll with things, doors will open that we have never even considered!

I knew that y’all would be cool with me being late with this post because we’re all Living Self-Care here! Now, my challenge to you is to sit with yourself and try to identify your life passions and purposes. Are you living them? Do you even know what they are? If not, use mindfulness to observe when you are truly content and in the flow…where time passes without notice. Those are the things that you LOVE to do and are PASSIONATE about. Life is too short not to have passion in your life. Whether it’s a hobby, a part-time job or a full-time career, fulfilling your true purpose is essential to basic good health, well-being and Self-Care!

 Namaste

Family That Lost All to Fire Reminds Me That Life is What You Make It

Posted on by StaceyD in April Tips, Thursdays with Stacey

Life…you just never know what’s going to happen. I suppose that makes it exciting at times and stressful at others. I was just reading my last post. At that time, I had no idea how that seemingly innocuous thunderstorm would change my life.

Not too long after I finished writing, I heard fire engine sirens – a LOT of them. Not wanting to get in the way of emergency personnel, I called our local Sheriff’s Office to find out what was going on (yes, I’m nosey but I am also our Neighborhood Watch Chair, so it’s sort of my job to be). They confirmed a house fire, but couldn’t give me specifics. As my research went on, I finally found out that a home in my neighborhood had been struck by lightning.

The next morning, I went to the home to see if I could establish contact with the family, get details and perhaps begin a relief effort. I approached a man who was working in the garage, apparently sorting the salvageable from the unsalvageable. “Are you the homeowner?” I asked. “It depends who’s asking,” the man replied. I told him who I was and he seemed relieved. He told me that remodeling companies and legal firm reps had been stopping by to sell him services…less than 24 hours after his home had burned. I was incredulous for a few seconds, but then reality hit. Those people have to make a living too.

The homeowner explained that the lightning had struck the natural gas line (metal pipe) that led to the stove inside. This lit the gas and it basically exploded into his kitchen. I took a quick look inside and burst into tears. The kitchen was gone. The large television in the living room had melted. The water in their fish tank had boiled. The man said something soothing to me when he saw how upset I was and then reminded me that, “This is just stuff. The real valuables were not hurt (referring to his family).”

Indeed, his mother-in-law and youngest daughter had left the home to go to Mothers Day Out about 2 or 3 minutes before the explosion. His wife and older daughter were already at work and school, respectively. He heard about the fire from his next door neighbor, whose home security alarm was triggered by the excessive smoke coming from next door. “We are so blessed and will still have a happy Easter,” he assured me.

I left feeling a little dazed and in awe of this man’s attitude. I started sending out information to the community for relief, and generous folks from all over the area responded with clothing, toiletries, school supplies and gift cards. It was truly overwhelming. I spent much of Easter Sunday just resting and reflecting on what had happened. Perspective and attitude really does determine if one’s life is good or not!

It’s been a week since the fire, and the family’s needs have been met completely by their church, the insurance company and area residents. They will be in an apartment soon and can expect to have their home rebuilt in 6 – 8 months. Because of their faith, attitude of gratitude and perspective, this was just a bump in the wonderful road that is life.

Appreciate what you have. Don’t compare. It can change in an instant.

Namaste.

Persephone’s Journey: How Everything We Touch Changes

Posted on by StaceyD in March Tips, Mondays with Diane

daffodil-1920x1200

With the arrival of spring, I am always reminded of Persephone’s story and the lessons to be learned from the daughter of Demeter, mother earth, and her journey.

I was introduced to Persephone’s story a few years ago at a women’s retreat.  In Roman mythology, Persephone is the daughter of Demeter, Mother Earth, who leaves “the world above” to become Queen of the Underworld. Although some versions say she was abducted by Hades and taken against her will, I prefer to believe that she left because she had outgrown living as a child in her mother’s garden and wanted to fulfill her unique destiny.

While she is still in the Underworld, she brings healing and hope to the spirits of the dead. Wherever she walks, “a line of bright daffodils sprout in her wake. By her simple presence and passing, she brings color and life” to the darkness below. However, she might not have noticed these changes at all if Hades had not asked her to turn her head and notice the changes she’s brought to a path that for her was “already in the past.”

So, here are some questions for you to consider this week. “What flowers, what color, what brightness have you left in your wake? Often without noticing it? Can you take a moment to turn, to notice? Can you take in the power, and responsibility, of this reality-that you too change everything you touch?

When you look over your shoulder, what do you see? And how does that feel? What might this noticing change?”

Enjoy your week. Namaste.

Note: Quotes are taken from 2010 Mystery School Workbook, Diana’s Grove

Self-Care: Make It #1 on Your “To Do” List

Posted on by StaceyD in Guest blogger, March Tips, Self-Care Saturdays

Do you treat your body as if it is sacred? Do you have a regular exercise and fitness regimen? Are you eating healthy meals? When is the last time you went to a spa to pamper yourself?

Your body is your temple. Think about it. It is the only place ‘your self’ has to live in. Life’s responsibilities are countless for many of us. And in trying to juggle those responsibilities we neglect to take care of ourselves–our temple. We might think about our physical health but that is often where it begins and ends.

Most of my adult life has been weighted with high stress careers, once in the military, and now in corporate America. I rise before the aurora and retire long after sunset. Over the past few months my stress levels have been escalating, my body was feeling energy-drained, my skin was breaking out and my mental acuity was becoming dull. So I thought, “I can combat these negative forces and make improvements in my overall health if I just make taking care of myself number one on my ‘To Do’ list.” So I have taken steps to do precisely that and have seen steady progress. You, too, can make marked improvements in your health and fortify your body–your temple.

Make Self-Care #1

Self-care is an integral part of stress management. Our bodies are conditioned to respond negatively to unhealthy forces bombarding it. Granted, it tries to warn us, but often we do not listen. Bottom line is you can dial-it-back and condition yourself to focus on a healthy diet, exercise and relaxation. Increasing your relaxation response can prevent chronic stress from having a negative effect on your body and overall health.

Get started with these five basic tips:

  1. Make exercise a morning priority before your day gets started.
  2. Drink plenty of water (it flushes impurities from the body).
  3. Get a massage (it is known to promote relaxation and well-being).
  4. Go cold turkey on doing things that don’t fuel you.
  5. Take a break from your agent of stress (go on vacation).

Don’t wait for the body to warn you. Start today and put self-care higher on your own ‘To Do’ list.

SavionToday’s guest blogger is Dr. Sydney Savion. Dr. Savion is an applied behavioral scientist, member of the American Psychological Association and scholar-practitioner in the field of life transition for more than a decade. She views life transition as a gradual psychological progression of questioning self, others, the situation, seeking a new direction, and a quest to start to anew. It is a natural part of living that is triggered by an event that has a momentous impact upon and changes a person‘s life ecosystem in a manner that demands a person to cope and adjust. For example, this event could be a loss of a loved one, a marriage, your mental health, or even livelihood. She is the author of the Living a Blissful Life blog on HealthyPlace.com.

 

Maintaining Personal Power in Helpless Situations

Posted on by StaceyD in February tips, Self-Care Month, Thursdays with Stacey

power-of-attorney-480x450Personal power: it’s something we take for granted. We make our own decisions every day, from what to have for breakfast to where to live. But what if you found yourself in a position in which your personal power has been taken away? For example, a medical emergency could land you in the hospital. In this scenario, it’s very important to maintain the position of “calling the shots.” However, if you’re unable to for any reason, you must have an advocate who will.

We don’t usually sit and think about possibilities like this unless we’re dealing with a disease or long-term illness. It may be unpleasant to ponder, but drawing up a Medical Power of Attorney and a Living Will is just important as paying your car, health and life insurance every month. It’s also a very basic part of self-care, just like visiting a doctor once a year for a check-up.

Planning for the unexpected will not only make sure you are taken care of, but will take the confusion out of these situations for your loved ones. I have heard countless stories of someone falling ill suddenly or having something go wrong with a routine procedure. Without a Medical Power of Attorney, your healthcare decisions may be left in the hands of doctors who do not know you, as opposed to someone who knows you well and will make the decisions that are best for you and in line with your wishes.

These documents are readily available on the Internet and from area hospitals in most states and can be notarized and filed with the person you have chosen, as well as with your lawyer. In fact, you can have your Medical Power of Attorney put on file with any hospital that you wish! It’s a simple process, but may end up taking the complexity out of a sudden and dire situation.

Self-Care Month Guest Blogger: Kathleen Carroll and Mindful Eating

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Guest blogger, Self-Care Month, Self-Care Saturdays

regroup-betaHello Living Self-Care Community! My name is Kathleen Carroll, and I am the community manager at Regroup Therapy – a website that safely offers video sessions for therapists. I met Stacey and Diane through Regroup, and I have absolutely loved getting to know both of these inspiring women. Thank you Diane and Stacey for inviting me to post. I am grateful to be included!

Today, I want to write about Mindful Eating, and our complicated relationships with food. At Colorado College, I led a mental health support and advocacy group for students living with mental health issues. On our campus, eating disorders were the most prevalent concern. Colorado students are typically athletic and socially minded. The line between “outdoorsy vegan” and obsessively healthy-minded is often blurry, and as an ally, I felt it an important issue to address.

GROWWhen advocating for young people with eating disorders, mindfulness becomes a central focus. You must be mindful of triggers, mindful of coming off as judgmental and most importantly mindful of your own habits and areas for improvement. Preparing an Eating Disorder Awareness Week was one of the greatest creative challenges that I have ever faced! Thankfully, my friend’s mom is a mind-body specialist, who was eager to come out and visit her daughter. Dr. Claire Wheeler has both an MD and a PhD in Psychology. Her focus is solely on mindfulness and the mind-body connection. She came all the way out to Colorado with a prepared presentation on “mindful eating,” and its implications for both everyday use and for the the treatment of eating disorders. It was perfect! Not only was mindful eating a trendy response to preventative healthcare (and college kids respond to trendy), but it also allowed us to include a large scope of people, without the isolation that comes with, “this is for you, young people with eating disorders.”

hersheykissThe exercise began with a dark chocolate Hershey’s kiss. Claire asked us to let it melt on the tongue. We closed our eyes, as she led us in an almost meditative practice. I still remember how incredible it tasted – just a little chocolate Kiss! The entire process took about five minutes. She acknowledged that it would be all but impossible to assume that we can all mindfully eat for every meal. However, mindful eating allows both healthy control over food, and also a “reclaiming” of the experience of eating. She repeatedly emphasized food as fuel, taking the ritual out of mealtimes, and becoming present while eating, as necessary in creating a healthy relationship with food.

You may have a left-over chocolate from yesterday. Try eating it mindfully:

  1. Picture the chocolate – your mouth prepares by salivating;
  2. Put the chocolate in your mouth;
  3. Allow it to melt slowly, without biting into it;
  4. Experience all of the flavors and texture as it melts onto your tongue;
  5. Enjoy!

Happy post-Valentine’s Day to you all, and thanks again for having me, Diane and Stacey!

[Thank YOU, Kathleen! What a great exercise! You can do this with any type of food. And as Kathleen mentioned above, don’t expect yourself to eat mindfully every time you eat; however, if you do use mindfulness during a meal, note how much more you enjoy it! – Namaste’ – Diane and Stacey]