Tag: pregnancy

Calm Your “Inner Lizard”: Meet Your “Inner Wizard”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Monday Musings

Since returning from vacation a week ago, my brain is not fully engaged but I wanted to share an experience I had which helped connect me with who I am behind my social roles (mom, wife, daughter, career woman), worries, and fears. Before I left, I was re-listening to Martha Beck’s Steering By Starlight in which she discusses how much we’re controlled by our “lizard”/emotional brain, which broadcasts fears of warning and dread constantly. She even suggests you name your “inner lizard” although I haven’t come up with a fitting enough choice yet.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to visit a shaman and participate in a sweat lodge where you literally sweat out physical and mental stress but never had the opportunity. While on vacation, one of the excursions went to do just that. How lucky can one gal get?

Instead of excitement though, my “lizard”started sounding the alarm. “Danger. Danger. Danger. Don’t go. You won’t last and then you’ll humiliate yourself when you have to leave. Worst than that, you could pass out. Even worse, you could have a heart attack in a remote part of the jungle and not leave alive.” You get the picture.

However, I’ve been practicing meditation for the last five years, and mindfulness more recently, and my “wizard”/observing self was able to recognize that my fearful thoughts were unfounded or at least unproven. So, I decided to go to the sweat lodge with the shaman and discover for myself what would happen. Tune in next Monday to find out what I learned.

This week, be mindful of when your “inner lizard” is running the show and as Beck describes your “Top 10 Tunes” of fear and worry. Write them down on a piece of paper and notice when they occur. Then name your lizard so you can learn to tame it. Let us know what you come up with.

“I’m a Good Mom”- Count Your Strengths

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

My friend Diane Sanford, PhD, co-wrote an incredible book with Ann Dunnewold, PhD, for new mothers, called Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide. She mailed me a copy, and since I received it a few months ago, I occasionally turn to it when I’m having one of those “I’m a terrible mother” days. You know those days? I hope you don’t, but I think they’re an inherent part of this motherhood gig, unfortunately.

This book is one I wish I could loan to all of my pregnant postpartum friends–but I can’t bear to part with it. So I’ll recommend it instead. Especially this exercise in the book, called “Two Minutes for Yourself”:

Two Minutes for Yourself

Take out a sheet of paper. Fold it in half length-wise. On one side, write your strengths. The flip it over and write, “The mom I want to be” on the other side at the top. List the ten qualities that you think make a good mom. Your list may include virtues such as patience, drive, and organization, or more diverse elements such as joyfulness or an affectionate nature. Now take a deep breath and view the lists. Which qualities do you intrinsically posess? Many of these attributes may already be on your strengths list. Circle the matching ones on both lists. Recopy these (or the top five, if you have more than five) onto a three-by-five note card with the heading “Qualities I have which make me a good mom.” Tear up the other list and throw it away. Rather than fretting about what personal aspects of a stereotypic good mom you lack, focus on the strengths you bring to this new relationship. There are as many ways to be a good mother as there are opinions about getting a baby to sleep through the night. Put the card in your purse or wallet and review it regularly to build your confidence in this new role.

Doesn’t that sound like a lovely way to spend a few minutes? When I did this exercise myself, I was surprised to see that many of the qualities I listed as possessed by a good mom are ones I had also listed as my strengths. I think you will be similarly surprised.

Today’s author is Jaime of  jamesandjax.com a wonderful blog for new and veteran moms.

Love ThySelf-To Thine Own Self Be True

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

There are bucket lists, rainy day lists, pros and cons lists, but what about a DO list? Do you have a list of things you actively want to do for yourself but just “can’t find the time?”  Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to put that plan into practice.

While most people associate Valentine’s Day with lovers, and couples, kids and families, the perception that we can love ourselves gets a raised eyebrow. I’m not talking about THAT kind of love. I’m hinting about love of self and pampering ourselves for a change.

We already know that women don’t take the time or feel that they can’t.

Here are some easy and quick ways to be loving yourself this holiday.

  1. Get a massage or spa treatment of your choice. You deserve it!
  2. Splurge on a nice “something-something” for yourself you’ve had an eye on.
  3. Get yourself some flowers – and they’ll be the perfect choice!
  4. Like to journal? Start a fresh journal for the year and write about the ways you can practice self-care!
  5. Do you find that you’re very self-critical? Give yourself a break, at least for today.

The heart can be a mysterious place but it doesn’t have to be. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Today’s guest author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org, the premiere website for info and support for pregnant and new moms.

Give yourSELF a Valentine

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Please indulge me for a moment whilst I tell you about my outlook on Valentine’s
Day (VD). Remember that I am married, so while I have a “Valentine,” I believe that NOBODY is “ineligible” for VD.

I think VD is a “Hallmark Holiday.” It’s a day for the flower, card, candy and nice
meal sellers to cash in. It’s a day filled with joy – yes, for some. But it’s also a day for loneliness, depression and guilt for others. I asked my husband years ago to not buy me anything for VD. I’d rather get a token of his affection on a random day when it’s not expected. Instead, I indulge my Self on VD. I’d like to challenge you to make this VD all about your Self, too, no matter what your “Valentine” status is.

So how do you do this? Some of the things that I have done include going for a mani/pedi (go during the middle of the day so they are not crowded if
you can), getting a massage, locking my Self in my bedroom and reading ALL DAY, looking on the Internet for my favorite flower arrangement to buy for my Self the day after VD (at a real discount!), and cooking my Self my favorite dish to enjoy on my own.

What things can you think of that you might like to do for your Self on VD? It doesn’t have to cost any money, can be done any time of day or night, and does not require another person (though maybe you’d like to share your VD gift to your Self with someone). It’s your challenge! Leave your ideas in the comments section!!

Loving the Body You’re In

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

One of my guilty pleasures is People Magazine. I was looking through this week’s edition and found myself paused at an article about actress Kelly Preston. She is the wife of John Travolta, and they tragically lost their 16 year-old son in 2009. Miraculously, she got pregnant in 2010 and gave birth to a baby boy last year at age 49. I paused because the article was not about how resilient she is or about her new family – it was about how she lost 42 lbs. in 14 months.

Can I get a collective “WHO CARES” here? It’s not the weight loss that I wanted to know about, but I didn’t have a choice. Society is so hyper-focused on appearance! “This diet is great! 30 is the new 50! Size 14 is the new Size 2!” Huh?

Today is the second day of February, a month often dedicated to love and
relationships. Here at Living Self-Care, we’re going to be focusing on that, too. Today, I want you to take a look at your relationship with your Self; the part of your SELF that carries you around every day, keeping you alive and doing the physical stuff: your body. How often do you look in the mirror and compare what you see to popular media, friends, family…everything? Comparisons are useless. Somehow, we always lose. The grass is always greener and all that.

My challenge to you this February is to look in the mirror daily and find one thing you either like or feel neutral about. It can be anything about your face, yourbody, your sense of style, your hair – anything. Acknowledge it. Appreciate it. And then try not to compare…because there’s no one quite like you!

Making Your Resolutions Stick!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

January is coming to an end and our New Year’s resolutions are in full swing…or are they? How do we make the resolutions we committed to come to fruition? These ideas might help you get rid of bad habits and kick-start that new phase in your life.

1. Pick just one thing. If you’re aiming to change your life, don’t try to do it all at
once. Pick one area or thing to change and start there.
2. Plan ahead. To ensure success, research the change and plan ahead so you’re
prepared.
3. Anticipate problems. There is always going to be something. Identify what
could possibly crop up.
4. Pick a start date (one that’s really attainable). Who says you have to make
these changes today? Pick a date and stick to it.
5. Just “Go for It.” When you hit that date, go for that goal 100%. Make the
commitment; write it down on a card. Keep that card with you at all times to
reinforce the goal.
6. Accept failure. We’re human. Realize that you’re not going to be perfect.
7. Plan on rewards. If you hit your goal, and keep to your resolutions, reward
yourself with something that really makes you tick.

Whatever your plans for 2012, we wish you the best on your endeavors.
Don’t forget that your life is your own; you make your own luck, and decide how you get there!

Today’s author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org where smart, savvy moms go for the best advice and support on the web.

Meet Stacey Glaesmann, Our New Self-Care Expert

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Hi! My name is Stacey Glaesmann, LPC. I am a counselor in private practice near Houston, TX. I wrote my first book, “What About Me? A Simple Guide to Self-Carein the 21st Century,” in 2007. If you want to take a look, visit http://www.pearlandtherapy.com.

What got me interested in self-care is that I kept noticing ALL of my clients were
concentrating on other people and external situations. This was draining their
mental resources. Some clients even made themselves sick because they never
took time for themselves. And honestly, I was doing the same thing. I felt unimportant because all I did was give. Now, with a daily self-care regimen that includes yoga and 30 minutes of “me time,” my cup gets replenished and THEN I can be of service to others.

I have been through a lot in my life, as I am sure you have. I have a
12 year-old daughter and a wonderful husband. I suffered from Postpartum Panic Disorder and Depression and I now know that one of the reasons I got sick was because I was NOT taking care of myself.

I am thrilled to be joining Diane at Living Self-Care. It’s my passion and I hope that my input makes a difference in just one life (more would be cool, too!). If you have any questions please feel free to email me at sglaesmann@yahoo.com. I’ll be seeing you on Thursdays! Remember: if your cup isn’t full, you won’t have anything to give others. Keep that cup full!

Are You Ready to Make Change Stick?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Einstein said “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it. ” So how are you prepared to approach your New Year’s resolutions differently this year in order for them  to succeed?

The truth is good intentions only go so far and then there is the hard work of continuing to change day after day.  The following are some recommendations to help you make change stick.

  1. Think big.  Start small.  Break down the change you want to make into attainable steps.  For example, if you want to exercise and you haven’t been to the gym in years, dedicate 30 minutes twice a week to go for a walk or take a fitness class.  Create goals you can maintain.  Once you’ve mastered one step, take the next one.
  2. Remember change is a process.  Habits take time to learn and longer to unlearn.  How long have you been smoking? Overeating? If it’s been longer than a year or two, it’s probably something you do automatically.  Start by consciously monitoring when you smoke, overeat, etc. and making a different choice which will eventually become a new, healthier habit.
  3. Be accountable.  Only you can make change happen whether it’s losing weight or quitting smoking.  No matter how much work or relationship stress you experience, doesn’t mean you have to reach for a Big Mac or a cigarette. Only you have the power to change your life.

What are your New Year’s resolutions? How are you making change stick? What’s working or not?

Give Yourself to Love, Light and Laughter

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

In 1982, Kate Wolf wrote “Give Yourself To Love.” The lyrics go as follows: “Give yourself to love if love is what you’re after; Open up your heart to the tears and laughter; And give yourself to love, give yourself to love.” While it’s a short song, her point isn’t missed on us. The song is about conquering our fear of intimacy and opening our hearts.

With New Years here, we rush to get out our proverbial paper and pen (or computer/tablet) and create grand lists of resolutions to conquer our challenges. From weight loss and eating healthy to getting more sleep, our good intentions often fail because we try to do too much.

What if our tasks and resolutions were as simple as “I’ll laugh or smile more,” or  take five minutes for ‘me-time’ every day? Wouldn’t these seem more practical, meaningful and important to incorporate and stick to than “I resolve to run a marathon or climb Mt. Kilimanjaro.” While a marathon or a mountain climb would be a great feat, does it really count more than the simple act of smiling at ourselves and our loved ones on a daily basis?

From our family to yours, we wish you and yours a tremendous 2012. Create the steps that carry you to fulfilling all your self-care goals!

Today’s author is Mollee Bauer, founder of Pregnancy.org which gives moms the tools they need to empower themselves, conquer their challenges and overcome obstacles to self-care.

Make Self-Care Your Holiday Gift

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

This past week I went to Hilton Head, SC for a conference on the psychology of health, immunity and disease, or how our emotions and thoughts affect our biology. I loved it and got to attend with one of my best friends which made it most enjoyable. Even so a week beforehand, I started to panic. How could I abandon my clients during the holidays? How could I be so insensitive and selfish? What was I thinking when I made my plans in August? Clearly, I wasn’t.

However, when my plane left St.Louis last Wednesday, I felt happy and peaceful with my Starbucks in one hand and Real Simple in the other. My guilt pangs lessened. In fact, my joy and contentment heightened as my journey progressed. I wasn’t dwelling on the responsibilities I’d left behind or the distressed calls which might greet me when I returned. I was giving myself a self-care holiday and it felt great!

I even chose to stay an extra night so I wouldn’t have to rush home just as the conference ended. Instead, I walked on the beach, visited the bookstore, got the best facial ever, and watched a movie in my room while sitting on my bed eating tuna salad followed by white chocolate bread pudding. Truly, heaven on earth.

Now, whatever happens, I’m ready-refueled and restored. Except maybe for a little more dessert.

What are your self-care plans this week? As we say, self-care isn’t selfish it’s self-preserving and it feels great!