Tag: pregnancy

Living Self-Care Goes Global

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Yesterday we got our first global subscriber from London. England has historically been a leader in providing humane treatment to women with postpartum depression/psychosis. Today, a clerk asked about our e-mail, “realmomexperts,” which led to a conversation about how she had stayed home with their children and her husband wondered why she was so tired. Now that their roles are reversed, he can’t understand how she got so much done.

Even moms-to-be are interested. Just this week an excerpt from our book on “Obstacles to Self-Care” was featured in The Expectant Mother’s Guide- http://www.expectantmothersguide.com/library/stlouis/obstacles-to-self-care.htm. Lack of self-care is a global epidemic among women of all ages, life stages, roles and vocations.

Here’s an exercise to reinforce the necessity of self-care:

Find a quiet place. Close your eyes. Practice breathing deeply, so slow that your abdomen rises and falls. For two minutes, repeat to yourself  with each exhaled breath: “Taking care of me benefits everyone around me.”

When you take care of yourself, are you filling your pitcher, building  your bank account, or recharging your batteries? Pick the metaphor that works  best for you. Picture that image in your head while you repeat the phrase.

Each time thoughts weasel into your head, chastising you that something  else is more important than taking time for you, take a deep breath and  practice this exercise. This may seem silly or strange at first. You may doubt  how this can work. Just try it for a few days before you judge its value.

Stop “Living in the Wreckage of the Future”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Continuing our conversation about how to free ourselves from the unhealthy  thinking habits we’ve cultivated for years, today’s post is about how to stop “living in the wreckage of the future.”  This is a phrase one of my clients taught me from AA which is intended to help folks in recovery not “catastrophize” about what tomorrow will bring and live “one day at a time.”  In truth, none of us knows what’s ahead but we like to believe we do to experience a sense of control and predictability about life.

Mark Twain said, “Most of my life’s worst experiences never actually happened.”  This quote is about how many of our worst expectations and fears don’t materialize although we think about them so much that we frighten and worry ourselves as if they had.  Recall the last time you were convinced something bad would happen and it didn’t.  How did you feel?  Was there a sense of relief or not?  Often we’ve built up so much anticipatory anxiety, it still takes days to calm down.

A new day

Since August is often stressful as kids return to school and we leave summer behind, opportunity for “living in the wreckage of the future” looms large.  So, tell your “catastrophizing self” I appreciate your concern but what I really need  is for you to shut up.  While this isn’t easy, with practice it improves and we can rest in the awareness that the present moment is usually okay.

Free Yourself to Be Yourself: Mary Oliver’s “The Journey”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

To continue the theme of examining your life from Monday’s post, we wanted to share a favorite poem “The Journey” by Mary Oliver in which she describes how ultimately we must abide by our “inner voice” if we are to survive. Imagine our delight when we discovered this is also Maria Shriver’s favorite poem which she presented for National Poetry Day at the 2011 Women’s Conference.

So sit back, relax (well maybe) and enjoy the following rendition of “The Journey.” Then let us know what you think. Is this too radical to imagine or not? If so, what may be standing in your way? What would it take to free yourself to be yourself?

“The Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  When asked to refrain from teaching this, he chose to end his life by drinking hemlock. For the last few weeks, this phrase keeps coming up in conversation which prompted me to write about it.

How does examining one’s life relate to self-care? Because part of self-care is learning to listen to our “inner voice” and become clear about who we are and what is truly nourishing. Not in a self-centered way but a self-respectful one. However, in today’s frenetic, “need to do one more thing” culture, we often don’t slow down and get quiet enough to hear what our “inner voice” is saying.

Likewise, it’s easier (and less painful) to lose ourselves in what we’re doing and what needs to be done than reflect on who we are and what we may need to change to create our best life. For example, someone who is in an unhappy marriage may focus their attention and energy on their children to protect them from knowing how miserable they are. Or a woman who has a demanding parent may exhaust herself trying to appease them rather than look at her own co-dependent need to be needed.

When we choose self-care, we send a message to ourselves that we are important and that our health-body, mind, heart and soul, is a priority. We quiet the noise of other voices and instead attend to own. Dangerous yes, but totally worthwhile!

What do you think???

For Prego Moms: Beat the Summer Heat!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom", Uncategorized

We’ve been discussing all types of ways to engage in self-care.
No time is more important than when you’re pregnant.

Prego Factoid: During your pregnancy, your body produces
approximately 50% more blood and body fluids to meet the needs of the developing baby. Swelling is a normal part of pregnancy that is caused by this additional blood and fluids. Normal swelling, which is also called edema, is experienced in the hands, face, legs, ankles, and feet.

Swelling can happen at any point during your pregnancy but is
usually noticeable around your fifth month; it can increase while you are in
the third trimester. Here’s why it happens: Summertime heat, standing for longer periods of time, “long” days of activity, diets low in potassium, higher
levels of caffeine consumption, and too much sodium.

Now for the self-care part! Eating foods that are high in potassium such as bananas and avoiding caffeine can reduce your swelling. Here are helpful hints:

  • Avoid standing for long periods
  • Minimize outdoor time when it is hot
  • Rest with your feet elevated
  • Wear comfortable shoes, avoiding high heels if possible
  • Wear supportive tights or stockings
  • Avoid clothes that are tight around your wrists or ankles
  • Have your legs massaged
  • Remove your rings before your fingers swell up
  • Drink water which helps flush the body and reduce water
    retention
  • Minimize sodium (salt) intake, avoid adding additional salt to
    meals

If you follow a regimen of self-care, you’ll always feel better!  Today’s guest author is Mollee of pregnancy.org.

Even More Benefits of Self-Care

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Self-Care Makes Us a Better Role Model:  By
modeling self-care, we are setting a good example for our children.  Watching us take time to care for our own health and well-being, encourages them to do the same and helps them learn to practice self-care when they are young.
Our daughters in particular learn that it is important to care for themselves as well as they do others instead of sacrificing their health and well-being to
solely meeting others’ needs.  It teaches both our sons and daughters self-respect and to be respectful of everyone because we expect them to value us as we do ourselves.

In Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide we say, “A pitcher of water provides a clear demonstration of what we mean. Imagine that you are a pitcher of water.  You keep pouring out, giving and giving as you take care of the needs of those around you: baby, children, partner, family, friends and pets. If you do not take action to fill the pitcher up again, pretty soon it will be empty.  No one is a bottomless pitcher. What do you need in order to fill up the pitcher again?”

What are you doing this summer for self-care?  If you’re aren’t, get started. Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me.  If I am only for myself, what am I?  If not now, when?”  Need help?  Comment and we’ll respond.

Redefining “vacation” (when you have kids)

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I’m on “vacation” right now. I put the word in quotes because, well, it doesn’t exactly feel like vacation.

Sure, we’re staying in a family friend’s lovely condo (for free!) in North Carolina,  steps from a gorgeous pool and a 30-minute drive to the beach.  How lucky are we?

But with a 5-year-old daughter and 2-year-old son along, this week has been a lot more work than relaxation. Starting with the two-day road trip to get here, during which my son cried and coughed most of the way. Oh, and hotels? Two-year-olds don’t seem to “get” the concept, period. I got maybe
two hours of sleep that night.

In between naps, stopping to pee, retrieving endless snacks and drinks (kids don’t seem to get the concept of “meals,” either), beach trauma, pool trauma, carseat discomfort – you name it – we’re happy to get even an hour a day of true R&R during our vacation.

But, the kids are having fun.  My daughter invented the sport of “wave jumping” in the ocean (with help from Mom or Dad) and is quite proud of herself. My son has decided swimming is the best thing ever, even if he has no fear of drowning or clue about how to actually stay afloat.

From packing and traveling to settling in and returning home, I can’t help but wonder: Is going on vacation really worth it? And when do I get a vacation to recover from this one?

Today’s author is Susan Wenner-Jackson of WMAG.

The Benefits of Self-Care

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Press Release

When we take good care of ourselves, there are multiple benefits to us as well as others.  While self-care may seem self-indulgent, it’s not.  Just as we’re instructed to put our oxygen mask on first if there’s an emergency on an airplane so we can help others, self-care enables us to help ourselves and others more.

Self-Care Improves Our Health:  Self-care tends to improve our
immunity, increase positive thinking and make us less susceptible to stress,
depression, anxiety and other emotional health issues.  Taking time out to care for ourselves helps remind us and others that our needs are important, too.  Feeling well cared-for leads to feelings of calm and relaxation, and conveys to others that we value ourselves which contributes to long-term feelings of wellbeing.

Self-Care Makes Us a Better Caretaker:  People who neglect their own needs and forget to nurture themselves are at danger of deeper levels of unhappiness, low self-esteem and feelings of resentment. Also, sometimes people who spend their time only taking care of others can be at risk for getting burned out on all the giving, which makes it more difficult to care for others or themselves. Taking time regularly for self-care can  actually make you a better caretaker for others.

What are you doing for self-care this summer?  Have family/social demands eaten into me-time?  Do you feel like you need a vacation from your vacation as Susan writes about Thursday?  Let us help.  Send us a comment or preview “Obstacles to Self-Care” at  www.realmomexperts.com.

Noticing Your Gains When Things Don’t Work Out

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Since it’s summertime, we thought we’d lighten the mood. What follows looks at what can be gained when things don’t work out.

While on vacation in May, I tried to whiten my teeth. The first time I attached the plastic whitening strip to my lower teeth, it fell off. After several attempts, I gave up and decided it wasn’t my thing. Then this Saturday, I tried again and succeeded immediately. Although this example may seem trivial. life is filled with large and small tasks which if we give up the first time we fail, we’ll never learn what we can accomplish.

Last week one of my clients described the trouble she’d had with several tile contractors. She openly acknowledges her perfectionism and has been working on learning to let things go so she can feel better. Honestly, she’d done fine until the second tile guy lost it because she asked him to replace a cracked tile and to reset another which wasn’t level with the rest.  He’d advertised himself as “no drama, no trauma.” LOL.

What did she learn? First, to trust her gut. She’d thought about terminating him the week before but was trying to adjust her expectations instead.  Sometimes the other person really is the problem.  Second, although things went poorly it wasn’t a disaster and she didn’t torture herself by dwelling on it.

So, the next time things don’t work out, look for something to be gained. Then, shift into self-care mode, breathe deeply and smile 🙂

No One Feels Good All the Time

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Even when you practice self-care daily, you won’t always feel good especially if you’re going through a major life change.  Times in women’s lives when significant physical, mental, emotional and situational changes collide include becoming a mom, adolescence, leaving home, getting married, getting divorced, losing a parent, perimenopause and menopause.

Here are the range of postpartum emotions women report, “I am so irritable. I am full of awe. I cry all the time. I can’t sleep. I am so in love. I can’t get going. I can’t think straight. I feel so worried. I am so bored. I can’t feel anything. I have scary thoughts. I am ecstatic. I grieve for my old life. I feel like a failure. I feel so alone. I feel so nervous. I feel I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Doesn’t this sound like how you feel when experiencing a life-changing event whether motherhood-related or not? Last week we wrote about letting go of our “Motherhood is Bliss” myth. Likewise when you go through a major life change, it’s impossible to feel good all the time. Because we are spiritual beings having a human existence, we are going to experience emotional ups and downs in response to what’s happening.

So next time you’re feeling bad when a major life shift occurs, take a deep breath and remind yourself it’s normal. Just another part of life.

However, if bad feelings persist, call your health provider to rule out a significant physical  or emotional health condition, e.g.diabetes, depression.