Author: Dr. Diane Sanford

Psychologist Dr. Diane Sanford has been passionate about helping women improve their health and lead happier lives since counseling her first postpartum mom 25 years ago. She has re-focused her efforts on mind/body health, which is a part of greater Self-Care.

50 Shades of Grey Mama Style

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Did you know that one of the two most common complaints women report to their doctors is low libido? Well, the popularity of the new novel 50 Shades of Grey certainly suggests otherwise. So where’s the disconnect? Check out what Mollee Bauer of pregnancy.org had to say about this.

“It’s not easy feeling sexy in regurgitated breast milk and hair that is matted with mashed bananas (which of course has been strategically placed by your wee one).

Sex and motherhood – is that an oxymoron?

These days, it seems that women aren’t necessarily raised with a sense of entitlement to sexual expression. Moms face antiquated notions that maternity and sexuality shouldn’t even be in the same room. Lots of mothers mention that their desire for sex didn’t go away when they had children. Instead, they insist the desire gets buried under mounds of conflicting demands for their time and attention.

If you ask a mom about her sex life, you’ll most likely hear, “Sex? What’s sex?” It’s a well-known statistic that parents who are living with children (especially younger children) only spend 20 minutes each week being intimate with one another. There are always exceptions but sadly this seems to be the norm.

How does sex and motherhood fit into self-care? Fulfillment in this arena is just as important for your overall self-esteem, not to mention emotional and physical well-being. Like meditation, sex is good for the soul. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you’re dead.

Today’s guest Mollee Bauer, is founder of Pregnancy.org, the premiere online health site which gives moms the tools they need to empower themselves, feel safe and get advice
on how to take care of, pamper, and check-in with themselves. These tools help them conquer their challenges and overcome obstacles to self-care.”

A Good Kind of Stress

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Monday Musings

I just got back from a wonderful vacation to Disney World with my daughter and my dad. It was a great week, but I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation! This got me thinking about the stress we experience from good things – it’s called “eustress.”

Whether it’s a vacation, getting married or getting a promotion, even good experiences have stress attached to them. At Disney, we did a lot of walking and waiting in long lines in a high heat and humidity climate. We had to navigate crowds and deal with air travel. So while we all had a fabulous time, all 3 of us are now taking a couple of days to relax from the eustress we experienced.

Many people don’t realize the amount of stress that’s involved with positive events. And if they feel stressed-out, irritable or anxious, they think that there’s something wrong with them instead of acknowledging the eustress that accompanies good events. Thoughts like, “How can I be feeling so bad? I’m on vacation!” can increase anxiety and cause guilt. But when folks accept that yes, even positive situations are stressful, the anxiety and guilt will usually decrease or go away altogether.

When we chose the dates for our vacation, we purposely booked the flight home on a Friday so we would have the weekend to decompress from our eustress before going back to work on Monday. I have been relaxing, watching movies and playing around on the computer all weekend. Laundry and other chores need to be done, but they will still be there tomorrow when, hopefully, I will feel recovered from my vacation eustress.

What are some of the coping techniques that you have used to dissolve your eustress? We’d love to hear what works for you!

P.S. We will be announcing the winners from our May Self-Care Challenge on Thursday! Stay tuned!

Sensible Weight Loss for New Moms (and the Rest of Us)

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Losing post pregnancy pounds can be hard work and whereas some mums find that the weight falls off easily with breastfeeding, many mums struggle with losing baby weight.

The most important thing to remember is that there is no rush to lose the weight by a certain date.  Yes the celebrities seem to do it in record time but they have a whole raft of helpers, nannies, chefs, cleaners and night nannies to help them and the average mum certainly does not.

A mum should only think about losing weight when they feel 100% ready. For some mums this could be more than 12 months after their baby is born; others may want to start sooner. For every mum it is a personal and individual decision.

If a mum does decide to lose weight, it is crucial to do it in a safe and healthy way. This means no extreme dieting or diets that cut out food groups or include weight loss accelerants.

Top 5 tips for losing weight

 1.     Include more fruit and vegetables in your diet. Make sure half your dinner plate is filled with vegetables.

2.     Don’t eat processed white bread, pasta or rice. Instead include more whole grains in your diet. Try grains such as Quinoa as a substitute for white rice.

3.     Eat more lean protein as protein will boost your metabolism and help you feel full longer.

4.     Cut out junk food which will not give your body nutrients and will leave you craving more sugar.

5.     Incorporate incidental exercise into your day such as walking to the shops, doing squats whilst making a cup of tea or dancing with your baby.

Today’s author is Rhian Allen founder of The Lose Baby Weight diet and exercise plan, specifically created for mums post pregnancy. For more info on her healthy eating and sensible exercise program, visit http://www.losebabyweight.com.au.

Dads Matter Too!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

We pay a lot of attention and respect to moms, why can’t we do the same for dads? Father’s Day is a great way to start.

Father’s Day isn’t just another “Hallmark Holiday.” It’s a time to honor the other
half of the parenting equation. While there are exceptions to that equation – mainly single moms, families with two moms or no parent left at all – dads can and really do play a key role in their children’s lives.

Dads shouldn’t be passed over or forgotten. Unfortunately over the last 10
years, moms have been the primary focus. I think this causes an imbalance in
the parenting “force.” Fathers not only add balance to a child’s life, but they help
prepare them for adulthood, push and challenge their envelopes and yes, even offer a man’s point of view. It all adds up to dads fostering positive development in their kids. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with that.

I don’t claim that all dads are perfect or are as responsible as they should or could be. We have to accept that we don’t live in a perfect world – a world where all parents, moms and dads alike — are amazing or the relationships are spotless.
All relationships take hard work, especially parenting. However, it’s important to
remember that dads are an integral part in raising children, too.

I’d like to add that there are all kinds of families out there. There is no right or
wrong way to be a family. It doesn’t matter if there are two moms, two dads, one
mom, one dad, no mom or dad, or even the grandparents raising the children.
Family, the entity itself is what matters. Family is as family does.

This Father’s Day, take the time to honor those who raised you and if you’re a dad yourself, kudos to you for a job well done!

Today’s author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org, the premiere online site for info about health and wellness during pre-conception, pregnancy and motherhood. Please visit her at www.pregnancy.org.

Making Positive Ripples

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

The image of dropping a stone into a body of water has been used throughout time to illustrate The Butterfly Effect – or the ripples it causes. There has been a spotlight in the last couple of years on the concept of “paying it forward.” But what does all this mean?

We have no idea how many people our actions touch. The ripples in the water represent not only those people that we know we’re influencing (the rings in the center), but the folks that we would never guess we affect (the outer rings). For example, Jean decided to clean out her closet and donate her used clothing to a charity that helps clothe indigent women. The clothes arrive at the charity and get assigned to various women. The volunteer who helps each woman feels good about her work. Her client, Bess, looks in the mirror and, for the first time, sees someone who has confidence. Bess goes on a job interview and the interviewer thinks she is very professional looking. The mail guy, Mike, is doing his rounds and catches Bess’s eye. He asks her out after her interview and she says yes. They successfully date for a year and then get engaged. So, to hit this point home, Jean thought she was just donating clothes when really, indirectly, she helped two people find each other.

Keep in mind that the ripples from our words and actions go far. Be selective about what you say and do. Choose words of kindness and encouragement (especially when using self-talk). Do positive things, from helping a single person to changing the world. Always put your best foot forward because you never know whom you will touch in those outer ripples!

P.S. Happy Birthday to my Daddy! You’re still awesome!! – Stacey

We Can’t Choose Our Families But…

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Monday Musings

June is National Family Month. I didn’t know until a friend told me which leads to the topic of this post. While we can’t choose the families we come from, we can create “families of choice” comprised of people who support us in our life’s journey. Of course, it’s wonderful when part of our “family of choice” is a parent, sibling, cousin or relative but this is not always the case.

First, let me emphasize that the intention of creating a “family of choice” is not to alienate or upset our “families of origin.” Although I am not particularly close to my siblings, I am friendly and accepting of them. If we were not related by blood, it’s unlikely we’d associate with each other. Learning to accept our differences and the limitations of our relationships has helped me grow as a person.

It’s enabled me to understand that just because someone is part of your family, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be close to them even though we grow up thinking this. In some families, people need to distance themselves from parents, siblings and other relatives who are a negative influence on them or abusive.  Still, it’s hard to abandon the idea of having a caring, connected relationship with close relatives. However, sacrificing our own emotional health to preserve an unhealthy connection is not a good option.

This is where “families of choice” come in. These are the individuals-friends, teachers, co-workers, we bring into our lives because we want to and feel there is something to be gained from each other. They are supportive, caring, mutually nourishing, and growth enhancing. They are not one-sided, negative or abusive. They help us feel good about ourselves and we do the same for them.

Who is in your “family of choice?” How are they different from your “family of origin?” What do you think of this idea?

They Grow Up So Fast

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

It is almost noon and I am sitting here waiting for my teenage girl to wake up. It is now summer break, and she takes advantage of catching up on her sleep deficit. As I sit here, I’m feeling nostalgic and a little bit sad.

Yesterday, the kiddo and I made plans to spend the day together. It’s my day off and it seems like I don’t see her very often. She’s really good about doing all her chores and so her reward is being allowed to visit friends. And visit she does! I know her friends now know her much better than I do, thus the sadness.

I remember when she couldn’t wait to spend time with me. She was always a “momma’s girl” and really still is in a lot of ways. I know in my heart that this is what happens developmentally: adolescents focus more on their peers than on their parents. She’s developing her individuality. She’s proving the idea that “they grow up so fast.” But who says I have to like it?

This is our challenge, moms! We have to move into acceptance as our children grow up. It is our job to teach them and guide them so we can feel confident about them eventually going out into the big, bad world. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or whatever else you may feel. Just make sure you don’t let yourself go down the “hurt” road. Your child is not trying to hurt you on purpose; he/she is doing his/her job, which is growing up and launching him/herself out into the world. You don’t have to like it, but just know that’s how it is. Accept this and look back at all the things you and your partner have given your children: lessons learned, guidance, being there through sickness or emotional issues, and letting them know that you will always be here if they need you. That, my friends, is how it’s supposed to be!

How the Universe Conspires to Help Us

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Monday Musings

When I was brainstorming today about a topic for my post, my older daughter and her friend suggested I talk about “accepting help” and how I finally have a new website thanks to Kay Murray my talented web designer. Since we’ve been discussing the value of support, this seemed perfect and then it occurred to me. The story of my meeting Kay goes beyond receiving support to how the universe conspires to “help us” when we make our intentions known.

For years, I’ve been trying to revise my website without success. I spoke with several designers who didn’t work out in addition to realizing I couldn’t do it myself. I didn’t know where else to turn so I stopped looking. Then last December I was sitting at the auto license bureau waiting to renew my license when I overheard a conversation. Two young women were discussing plans for their new businesses and one was a web designer.

Because I’ve learned to listen when the universe speaks, I turned around immediately, apologized for interrupting, and asked the web designer about possibly working with me. Kay and I met a few weeks later and decided to move ahead. In May, my new website launched and I can’t thank her enough for her wonderful design and tech skills (which I do not have) and mentoring me.

Now besides livingselfcare.com, you can visit me at www.drdianesanford.com. The site is designed for moms and health providers and allows you to download my book and relaxation CD. Please stop by and let me know what you think.

This week, make your intentions known so the universe can help you. You never know what may happen.

P.S. A neighbor just stopped by to tell me my book was reviewed in a paper I’d thrown away. Click here for the story.

Be Your Own Advocate

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

What a great Self-Care Challenge we had! Thank you to all who participated! Diane and I will announce winners and prizes next week, as I am on my way to a training today. We put ourselves first, and instead of rushing and scrambling to get things out this week, we are moving it back. It is always our hope to be good role models for you!

As I write this, I am in the Emergency Room at a hospital in the Houston Medical Center with a good friend who fell ill this morning. As I talk to various healthcare professionals, it struck me just how important advocating for your own healthcare is. Not only do we need to supply information, but we need to ASK for information. If a doctor or nurse wants to treat you with something, it is your right to ask them exactly what they are doing. If you don’t want that treatment or if you have questions about an alternate treatment, speak up!

It’s only natural to feel at the mercy of a doctor. Our society teaches that folks such as doctors, lawyers, police and teachers are authority figures who can’t be questioned. The truth is that your healthcare team is actually working for YOU. Use critical thinking and ask questions; try to get past any feelings of intimidation. And if someone is rude or mistreats you, make sure you take action by reporting that person to their supervisors or filing a complaint with a Patient Liason.

Hopefully you won’t see the inside of a hospital anytime soon, but if you do, remember that YOU come first!

To read more, check out this article from The Hospitals and Health Networks.

It’s Memorial Day-Let’s Show Our Support for Each Other

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

During the self-care challenge last week, several of you commented on the posts about support from other women. Because this is so key to self-care, we wanted to share them.

“When I was a first time mom, reaching out to other moms via moms groups, support groups and early childhood meetings was invaluable! Knowing that these other moms were struggling and questioning themselves about their parenting abilities, made me feel so much better! Another step I took that helped me to become more positive and confident was to write down the “positives” of the day, this would help dispel the “negatives” that would instantly enter my head in certain situations. Both of these actions were simple ways of taking caring of myself.”-Linda Meyer, Executive Director, Mother to Mother Phone Support Program. For info and support, call 1-800-644-7001.

The tip I’ve been  trying to practice is #8: Nourishing relationships with family and friends. As a new mom and someone new to the area, it’s been important to me to reach out to other women for support and friendship. I’ve been able to do this by joining the Mother to Mother postpartum depression support group and by taking several parenting classes. I’ve never been the type to reach out and ask for friendships, but in this case, I realized that if I didn’t take a bold step to fast track these relationships, that they might take a long time to cultivate. There was this one lady in the support group that I felt a particularly strong connection with the first time I met her, so I invited her to come visit me. She did, and we’ve been great friends ever since. Now that I look back on my life, I wish I had taken the initiative to pursue more friendships by asking people to my home or suggesting activities we could do together. I guess this old dog has learned a new trick!-Jennifer, mom of 7 month-old at home after 17-year career.