Tag: diane sanford

Self Care: How Not To Do It

Posted on by StaceyD in Guest blogger, Self-Care Month

jennifer_mcc_portraitToday’s Self-Care Month Guest Blogger is Jennifer McCullough. She is a 20-year PR and Marketing professional turned stay-at-home mom slash blogging fanatic. You can learn more about her and read her crazy mom antics at http://www.mommyhooddom.com. Please stop by and say hello. She’d love to meet you!

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After my son was born in the fall of 2011, with the exception of two trips to the pediatrician’s office, I didn’t leave my house for a month. I mostly just cried all day and ate Peanut M&Ms. The idea of self-care, or taking even a minute for myself, was nowhere on my radar.

At the same time I was getting my sea-legs as a mom, I was mourning the loss of my mother, who had died a month before my son was born. In the course of a year, I moved to a new city far away from friends and family, had a baby and lost my mom – that’s a pretty good recipe for emotional upheaval!

One of the main reasons I didn’t go out more right after my son was born was because I wasn’t comfortable breastfeeding in public. My breasts were humongous and hard to conceal. Pumping hurt, so I didn’t like to do that either.

I didn’t much like breastfeeding in those early days, but my son LOVED it. It seems like he wanted to nurse every 20 minutes, around the clock. I found out what real sleep deprivation is like. It’s not the kind you experience when you’re having fun in college. It’s the kind that goes on for weeks on end and that is actual torture.

During that first month, I didn’t talk to many people. I rarely showered. I guess maybe that’s why they didn’t talk to me. I don’t know.

To say I neglected my needs for basic things like sleep, nutritious food, exercise, shampoo and emotional support would be the understatement of the century.  I was a case study in self-care:  how not to do it. Those first 30 days were tough to say the least, but things slowly got better.

I will never forget the first trip I made to the grocery store, which was also my first time out of the house alone, about a month after my son was born.

I guess my brain had forgotten how to process so much sensory stimulation because I remember being overwhelmed with all the colors and shapes lining the shelves! I couldn’t focus on any one thing. The barely audible overhead music combined with the sounds of shopping carts and occasional chatter from the other shoppers bombarded me like a Mardi Gras parade.  I realized I needed to get out more often or else risk becoming someone who could not go out – at all. And that thought frightened me – a lot.

I wish I could say I started going out all the time after that grocery shopping experience, but I really didn’t. Living in a new place where I didn’t know anyone made it tough. The weekly trips to the grocery store and the occasional weekend trip to the mall were big adventures. Mostly, we stayed at home, my infant son and me, while my husband was at work. The long winter days melted together.

The next spring, my son and I did start having a few play dates here and there. It was great to connect with other moms. My son loved the social time with other little ones. We worked our way up to visiting the library.

When it warmed up, we walked around our neighborhood. I remember being so happy just to get fresh air. It was such a small thing, but after being inside for months on end, fresh air felt like such a luxury!

Eventually, I started getting my hair done again. For the longest time after my son was born, I either cut it myself or went to one of those drive-thru hair cutters for the easiest, most low-maintenance style possible. It’s called a pixie and it takes forever to grow out!

My son turned two-years-old a few months ago and to celebrate, I went out with one of my girlfriends and got a manicure and a pedicure. It was awesome! It was only the second manicure I’ve ever had in my life and it was my very first pedicure! I thought surely they’d give me a discount! They didn’t, but that’s ok. I’m still going to go back.

I still breastfeed my son several times a night and before his nap, and whenever he gets an “ouchy.” But, I do sleep a little more these days. I’m still looking forward to getting a good 8 hours of uninterrupted slumber. I know it will come, eventually.

I joined a health club last week. Crazy, I know! I haven’t actually worked out yet, but I don’t want to do too much too fast. They say you should start slow. I figure I’ll get ON the treadmill around the first of March.

I started a blog called Mommyhooddom. Writing is great self-care therapy for me. I like to write sad stories about missing my mom and funny stories about being a mom. Connecting with other parents online is a huge blessing! They make me feel human on the days I feel like a wind-up mom.Mommyhooddom_logo150

I have a long, long, long way to go before I can say I’m good at taking care of myself. But, I have high hopes that by the time my son starts pre-school in the fall, I’ll be well on my way to remembering what it was like to have both of my legs shaved at the same time.  One can dream, even while awake at night!

©2014 Jennifer McCullough

Confessions of A Recovering Mind-less Eater: The Benefits of Mindful Eating

Posted on by StaceyD in Mondays with Diane

By Diane Sanford

I wanted to follow up on our guest blogger’s Kathleen’s post from Saturday about Mindful Eating and encourage you to read her post (below) if you haven’t already. I have experienced issues with food since my mid-teens. By my mid-twenties while in graduate school, I weighed 40+ pounds more than my ideal body weight. I had gained and lost weight multiple times by then but couldn’t keep it off. Now, few people believe me when I tell them this but it’s true.

To keep the weight off, I had to come to terms with my relationship with food. In turning my attention to my eating, I discovered I was using it to cope with my emotional life and relationships with men. I would eat if I was happy, sad, bored, and mostly stressed. It was my family’s way of dealing with our emotional life. I also ate because every time I became slimmer, more men would be interested in me and I didn’t have the self-esteem then to deal with them assertively.  Although the reasons are slightly different for each of us, they are present. Two wonderful books for exploring this are: Why Weight by Geneen Roth and Fat is A Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach.

As I became aware of what was behind my mind-less eating, I began cultivating a more mindful relationship with food. I learned to distinguish physical hunger from emotional hunger and eat to physically nourish my body. I would eat slowly and intentionally without the distraction of TV, or reading or answering the phone. Just sit there and eat. We didn’t have cell phones or tablets or electronic devices to distract us then but I would include those now.

I learned to chew my food, one bite at a time, and pay attention to the texture and taste. While I’ve always LOVED food, it was much tastier and more satisfying to eat this way. By the end of a meal, I felt physically full not thinking about what I was going to eat next. We didn’t call it mindful eating then but looking back, that’s what I was learning to do.  I found it extremely worthwhile and I know each of you will too whatever your size and weight.

Please read Kathleen’s post just below this one and try the “chocolate kiss” exercise. Let us know how it goes. Remember, we’re in this together. Have a good week. Namaste.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Don’t Forget to Love YOURSELF!

Posted on by StaceyD in February tips

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The Science Behind a Happy Relationship

Posted on by StaceyD in February tips, Tuesday Tips

I had the honor of being a “pioneer” at Happify, which is a site (an app) that uses scientific methods to help the user increase his/her happiness levels. They have just released this infographic, and I am “happy” to share it with you!

Click on the image below to view the entire thing.

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Mindfulness For Self-Care: Informal Practice

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in February tips, Mental Health Education, Mondays with Diane, Self-Care Month

I’ve been teaching my new mindfulness class “Don’t Worry. Be Mindful.” for the past two days so I thought I’d share some of the info here since mindfulness can be one way of practicing self-care. If you’re new to mindfulness, it’s defined as “paying attention to the present moment on purpose without judgement.” Now, if this sounds like something more to add to your to-do list, it’s not. One benefit of mindfulness is that you can practice it while you go through your day without adding anything.

We call this “informal” practice. For example, when you’re showering, direct your attention to the sensory experience of taking a shower-sounds, touch/feeling, smells, sights and taste (well, maybe not taste although when shampoo gets in my mouth…). If thoughts occur, note them by saying “Thought-Planning-Overthinking, etc,” and then re-direct your attention back to the sensory experience of the shower. At first, you may spend most of going from thought to sensation, thought to sensation and back again. Don’t worry, that’s completely normal. The idea is to let whatever happens happen without judgement which is another benefit of mindfulness. It teaches you to treat yourself with self-compassion instead self-judgement or self-loathing which we in the western world are ever so good at.

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As in mindfulness, self-compassion or self-love is a key aspect of self-care. Likewise, letting go of your worries and thoughts and just allowing yourself experience the richness of the moment you’re in, helps nourish you-mind-body and spirit. Research has shown that practicing present moment awareness, i.e. mindfulness, diminishes stress, tension, pain, depression, and anxiety and strengthens your ability to cope with life changes, improves your health and immunity, and increases feelings of joy and well-being.

Last week, Time magazine ran a feature article about “The Mindful Revolution” which you can read by clicking on this link-http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2163560,00.html.

This week your assignment (should you choose to accept it), is to pick one activity you do on a daily or regular basis, like showering, doing the dishes, driving to work, and focus on your sensory experience of the activity rather than the thoughts or “tickertape” running through your head, as one class participant described it Saturday. Do this without judgement, understanding that your mind is likely to drift from thought to sensation and sensation to thought frequently. Remember, mindfulness is realizing your mind has wandered, so when this occurs, stop, take a breath, and re-direct your attention to the moment you’re in. That’s mindfulness!

Namaste.

Celebrate Your Awesomeness with Kid President

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in February tips, Mental Health Education, Mondays with Diane, Self-Care Month

I was looking for something fun and inspiring to kick off “February is Self-Care Month” when this Kid President video arrived in my e-mail. It’s about what he would tell someone if it were her “first day here.” I think that if you follow his advice and say these things to yourself, you’ll feel better and more accepting of yourself, which Buddha reminds us “you as much as anyone else in the universe deserve your love and affection.”

Please watch this video until you’re convinced of your awesomeness. Play it as often as you need to quiet your inner critic. It’s a great way to practice self-care. Enjoy!

Preview of February Self-Care Month Events

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in January tips, Mental Health Education, Mondays with Diane, Self-Care Month

As you may have seen, Stacey and I decided to designate February as self-care month. With Valentine’s Day not far off, it seemed that the idea of self-care and showing ourselves “a little love” was timely.

During February, we’ll be writing and having guest posts on topics pertaining to self-care, self-compassion, self-love, wellness, mind/body health and other POSITIVE mental health topics. If you have something to say about the importance of self-care, have an established a self-care regimen that works for you or have questions about how other women (ourselves included) make self-care work, then please contact us using the form on our post announcing Self-Care Month.

If you live in St. Louis,we’ll be hosting several self-care classes at my office, Midwest Mind Body Health Center which are:

Mindful Stress Reduction: Saturday, February 8th 10am-noon

Join Dr. Sanford for this 2-hour class to learn clinically proven techniques to reduce anxiety, depression & stress, and improve health & well-being. Mindfulness skills include: breathing exercises, meditation, relaxation training, mind-body movement, thought-releasing techniques & self-compassion.

Mindful Moms: Mondays 9:30-10:45am

Start your week off in a calm, peaceful way with Mindful Moms. Practice basic mindfulness skills with other moms. Learn meditation, breathing exercises, mind-body movement, thought-releasing techniques and self-compassion to stress less & live better.

Women’s Self-Care: Wednesdays 7-8:15pm *Preview 1.28

Is it time for Code Lavender? Time to reduce stress and increase overall health and well-being. An intentional self-care map will make 2014 a year of transformative personal & professional growth!

Mommy 411: Thursdays 9:30-10:45am

Join Jamie Bodily, PLPC, for this on-going 4-session class and support group. Topics include mom & newborn physical care; coping with postpartum emotional adjustment; dealing with relationship changes & developing healthy sleep habits and schedules.

 

Free Yourself To Be Yourself

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in January tips, Mental Health Education, Mondays with Diane

In a conversation with a client last week, we talked about how difficult it’s been for her to focus equally on what’s in “her best interest” as well as those of others. While she’s finally doing this more in her 50’s, it’s been hard to overcome the message that women often learn growing up of taking care of others in spite of the emotional cost to themselves.

I still remember when I said “No” for the first time to one of my family members and they threw a jar of mayonaise at my feet. Although I was startled by their response, I knew I had to stand my ground. One of the most revered Jewish teachers, Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now when?”

In her remarkable poem “The Journey,” Mary Oliver describes how ultimately we must abide by our “inner voice” if we are to survive. This is also one of Maria Shriver’s favorite poem which she presented for National Poetry Day at the 2011 Women’s Conference, and which I advised my client to listen to last week.

So sit back, relax (well maybe) and enjoy the following rendition of “The Journey.” Then let us know what you think. Is this too radical to imagine or not? If so, what may be standing in your way? What would it take to free yourself to be yourself?

Click on the black box below to listen.

Transforming Your Life One Day At A Time

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in January tips, Mental Health Education, Mondays with Diane

It’s the New Year and the question on many of our minds is, “What will I choose to do with my life this year?” Some of us will resolve to lose weight, quit smoking, start exercising and improve our physical health. Others may resolve to be a better parent, spend more time with friends, or de-clutter our homes. For women who work outside their homes, the focus may be on improving our careers, getting a new job or finding more work-life balance. Whatever it is, most of us view the New Year as a fresh start in becoming a better version of ourselves.

Here at livingselfcare, our commitment is to help provide you with inspiration and information to help you lead the best life you can-body, mind, heart and soul. While Stacey and I draw upon our life experiences and resources we’ve found to write our posts, we’re always looking for ideas and recommendation about other blogs, websites, books and resources that offer information on women’s mind-body health and well-being. Just this past week my colleagues introduced me to two new website, workingwomen.com and  healthywomen,org, both which I highly recommend. The more women I meet through the web, the more convinced I become that it is women who will reshape the world into a more humane and peaceful place which we desperately need.

What I’d like to say today is that while the New Year provides an opportunity for change, each day brings the chance to start anew. Here are some guidelines for mind-body health and well-being from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Resolve to follow these four agreements daily and your other goals are more likely to be achieved.

1. Always be impeccable with your word.

2. Don’t take things personally.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

4. Always do your best. 

Transform your life one day at a time with commitment, effort and persistence. Yes, you can!

P. S. Please let us know what books, websites, blogs, and other resources inform and inspire you to share with our livingselfcare community.

Coping With Holiday Stress: An Attitude of Gratitude

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in December Tips, Holiday Sanity, Mondays with Diane

For many people, the holidays are times of emotional unrest. After a most unsettling experience with a family member several years ago, I let go of my remaining expectations of holiday bliss and decided to let in whatever happened, ups and downs, sorrows and joys, pleasant and unpleasant experiences. The  season in all its splendor and NOT, like people bumping into you at the mall and grimacing when you look at them. Holiday spirit for sure!

Here’s a poem from Rumi, one of my favorite poets, about accepting life as it comes. A holiday gift to each of you to hold in your heart when holiday stress gets the best of you. It’s a reminder to always have an attitude of gratitude. Hope you enjoy it too.

“The Guest House” by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival. 

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor. 

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight. 

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in. 

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.