Tag: March self-care challenge

More ZZZ’s for Mom and Baby: Consistency is Key

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips

When your baby is born, she/he will be alert and ready to bond with you during the first hour.  Afterwards, she will go into a deep sleep for about 4 hours as she begins adjusting to life outside the womb.  During the first 2 weeks, she will eat about every 2-3 hours and sleep a total of 10-18 hours a day.  You may even have to wake her for feedings.

By week 3 having acclimated more to life outside the womb, her eating habits will become more regular although still inconsistent and prone to changes during growth spurts.  Around the third month of life, your baby’s sleep cycle should be more regular and he/she should be sleeping for longer stretches.  What a sense of timing.  Welcome changes indeed! 

While you cannot force your baby into a predictable sleeping pattern, you can guide her.  When you get up, open the blinds and turn on the music, creating a routine for your baby to follow. When you get ready for bed, dim the lights, bathe your baby, and put on soothing sounds.  Consistency is critical for developing well-regulated sleep habits.

If your baby awakens between feeding times, gently pat his/her back, sssh, and offer a pacifier, to help your baby learn how to self-soothe. The less noise and more consistency you provide, the more you help your baby adjust and learn to develop healthy sleep patterns.

Jamie Bodily is the founder and director of ParentsCount.   A Birth and Postpartum Doula in St. Louis, she assists new parents in developing healthy routines, adjusting to a newborn, calming tips and breastfeeding assistance.

Wait-Watch-Listen

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

It’s so easy to get caught up in the frenzy of daily life, we often forget that the answers to our problems aren’t instantaneous like a text message.  Because most women are “fixers,”, it’s challenging to wait for the solution to emerge rather than forcing our agenda.  One of the lessons my younger daughter taught me is to take a break when we’re at an impasse rather than pursuing her doggedly which rarely ends well.

Along these lines, I’ve been practicing the skills of “wait-watch-listen” to keep myself from overreacting to situations and build confidence that “the need goes out and the answer appears.”  While I may have been more skeptical years ago, I’ve seen enough evidence now to trust this works.  Sometimes it takes more time than I’m willing to give it, but I’m learning to be patient.

Today I had lunch with a good friend who brought me the solution to a problem I’ve had.  Although I hadn’t figured it out myself, I had decided to wait until a clear answer emerged because none of my ideas had worked.   So I kept telling myself, “Don’t take action or make any decisions until you’re certain of how to proceed.”  I wasn’t, but when my good friend made her suggestion, I knew it was the way to go.

Life has a way of unfolding although not necessarily on our schedule.  The next time you feel stuck, watch and listen for the answer you’re seeking.  It’s well worth the wait!

A Shout Out to All Moms

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Friday Funnies

This is one of our favorite videos about motherhood.  Since Wednesday’s post was on loosening the bonds of self-criticism, it seemed fitting to consider all the things that moms do each day which go unrecognized.  It’s exhausting to think about but deserving of our attention.

Instead of putting ourselves down, we need to remember to pat ourselves on the back whether anyone else does.  To appreciate all our hard work which keeps our families going.  But it’s Friday, so for now have fun with this YouTube video and take some me-time this weekend.

Loosening the Bonds of Self-Criticism

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

So, I thought I’d “mastered” blogging (lol) when I discovered Monday night I’d erased Monday’s post and on Tuesday am, didn’t schedule it right.  After chastising myself for “ruining” Monday and Tuesday, I thought I can either keep feeling bad or let it go.   Yes, it was a mistake but not fatal or harmful, except for my beating myself up.

And isn’t this how life goes?  Whether it’s being a “good enough” mom, wife, daughter, worker, blogger, we as women focus tirelessly on where we’ve fallen short, feeling worthless and unhappy.  We are our own worst critic.  We would rarely be as unforgiving of someone else.  But we’re convinced, we deserve it!

How do we get out of this rut?  First, by practicing self-care and making our health and well-being a priority.  My “mistakes” followed two crazy weeks of non-stop activity but I was so energized by what I was doing, I told myself that would carry me through.  It didn’t.  The more depleted we become, the more likely we are to make mistakes, and vulnerable to self-criticism because negative thinking comes easier and seems truer.

Next, we need to “befriend” ourselves and extend the same kindness and generosity we would to a good friend who was feeling badly about herself.  Yes, it’s okay to treat ourselves as well as others.  It is the key to releasing self-criticism, knowing we are deserving of love although we are imperfect and make mistakes.  Unconditional love towards ourselves. 

A most important self-care skill to practice.

Surviving PPD: The Princess Who Saved Herself

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Tuesday Tips

This past weekend, I participated in a training for Mother to Mother, our free volunteer phone support program for pregnant and post-birth moms in Missouri.  One conversation which stood out for me was how surviving postpartum depression (PPD) can help us become stronger and more confident.  Not that anyone would willingly choose this, but sometimes it chooses us. 

Experiencing mild depression after my first baby, took me by surprise.  After completing my doctoral degree, getting my psychology license, and seeing 30 clients a week, I thought I could handle anything.  Certainly, motherhood couldn’t be more challenging.  How wrong I was!   

As a new mom I doubted myself about many things, including if I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.  I felt incompetent, inadequate and that I wasn’t “good enough” to be the mom my daughter deserved.   I thought sleep, self-care and sex were permanently gone.  On bad days I was convinced life as I knew it was over and I’d be trapped in motherhood hell forever. 

But gradually, the landscape changed.  Surviving the ups, downs and uncertainties of new motherhood, I emerged feeling stronger and self-assured.  More capable of meeting life’s changes.  Empowered with renewed strength and confidence.

For all moms, including those with PPD,  listen now to “The Princess Who Saved Herself.  It is a reminder and affirmation that while others may help us through  challenging and stressful times, making our way through the darkness is ultimately what saves us.

Laughter: “An Instant Vacation”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Friday Funnies

I was teaching a self-care class on Wednesday to hair stylists, who certainly do their share of counseling, when one commented she’d seen this great sign, “Laughter is an instant vacation.”  I agree wholeheartedly so when my younger daughter sent me this cat picture a few months ago, I saved it for when I need a good laugh and decided this week to share it with you.  Hope this tickles your funny bone.

"Jabba" the Cat

May “the force” of laughter be with you.  Enjoy your weekend!

PPD Recovery and Renewal

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized, Wednesday Wisdom

I was listening to a mother in our postpartum support group as she described small victories; she was recovering from postpartum depression (PPD) and was feeling good about herself and how far she had come. I wondered why more women don’t celebrate recovery and victory over depression, anxiety, grief, and other emotional challenges.

A few years ago while offering phone support, one mom mentioned that after recovering from PPD, her Mother-in-law said she didn’t like who she’d become. Why was that?  What was different about her? She’d emerged a stronger, more confident woman, able to voice her needs and take care of herself.  A well-fought victory!  We laughed about her mother-in-law’s reaction and celebrated the woman she is now who is so different than when I first spoke to her.

After two personal experiences with PPD, I like the woman and mother I have become. I feel strong for fighting and winning against PPD, to date it is the most difficult thing I have experienced in my life. Now I ask for what I want and take care of my needs. I have self confidence in who I am and my abilities as a mother. That terrible experience molded me into the person I am today. Today, celebrate the woman you are becoming and have become!

Real Moms Geralyn and Linda

Linda Meyer is the Executive Director of Mother to Mother in St. Louis, MO. Mother to Mother offers telephone and group support to women experiencing emotional difficulties during pregnancy and postpartum.

Bonding With Your Baby

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips, Uncategorized

Bonding  prenatally and after delivery creates a foundation for the parent-child relationship.
Here are some bonding tips:

  1. Place your baby on your chest after birth and put a warm blanket over both of you. Hold, touch, and talk to your baby. Your body releases hormones that encourage bonding and attachment to your baby. You and baby do not need to be separated during the first hour after delivery unless there is a medical concern.
  2. Have dad take off his shirt and hold baby skin to skin.
  3. Massage your baby.
  4. Sing to your baby. Sing whatever you want, it doesn’t have to be kids music.
  5. Read to your baby. Read prenatally and post-delivery to your baby. Babies can hear in the womb and respond to your voice.
  6. Talk to your baby.
  7. Tell your baby “I love you.”
  8. Soak in the smell of your newborn. Who doesn’t like the smell of a newly washed baby?
  9. Your breastmilk is composed of the things you eat, so it tastes different at each feeding. Eat a variety of foods to treat yourself and your baby.
  10. Smile! Babies love faces and newborns can see from their mother’s breast to her face.
  11. Use a wrap, sling or carrier and keep your baby close to you.
  12. Play with your baby during diaper changes. Peek-a-boo and This Little Piggy are fun games.

Jamie Bodily is founder and director of ParentsCount. Jamie offers private and group “Happiest Baby on the Block” classes encouraging gentle baby calming for fussy babies.  For more-www.parentscount.com.

More Spring Cleaning

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Here are some additional thoughts on how to renew ourselves and release old, worn thoughts and habits.  Spring cleaning from the inside out.

Discover what’s nourishing.  Just as plants need water and sunshine to grow, we need physical, emotional, and spiritual sustenance.  Start with eating healthy foods, getting regular physical activity, sleeping 8-9 hours, and taking breaks for your mind and body.  Do one thing you enjoy daily, whether it’s phoning a friend, listening to music or walking your dog.  Nurture your spirit through prayer, meditation, or communing with nature. 

Let go of un-nourishing relationships.  Being honest about admitting and detaching from relationships which aren’t good anymore can still hurt especially   ones involving family and long-term friends.  If we’ve spoken to them about what needs to be different and things haven’t changed over time, release them with love.   Clearing space for nourishing relationships to enter.

Cultivate optimism.  Looking more on the “sunny” side of life can be learned by shifting attention away from negative thoughts to more positive ones.  There are few situations which are all good or all bad.  Our great job may sour when we get a new boss.   An untimely move lead to a wonderful neighborhood with friends with love.  Prune your mind of unnecessary negativity. 

Practice gratitude. 

Photo by Real Mom Kim

When we feel grateful, our souls are nourished and restored.  We have a more positive attitude toward today and what lies ahead.  We feel connected to something bigger than ourselves.  Supported in the deepest sense.  Abundant and alive.

Hello, Me. Long Time No See.

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Something happened when I became a mother.

I became disconnected from my thoughts, feelings and desires. With two little people depending on me, I spent my time on their needs and wants. When I wasn’t taking care of them, I shifted my attention to my work, husband and home life. Then, back to the kids.

Gone were the childfree days of college and young professional life, when I would spend hours alone, contemplating my place in the world, journaling (oh, the journals I have filled!), taking long walks in the woods, imagining life’s possibilities and going after them one by one.

As a mom, my only times alone with my thoughts have been 10 minutes in the shower or commuting to work. And guess what I was thinking? “Man, this shower feels good” or “I really hate this $#&@ing traffic.” Deep stuff.

Perhaps because my almost-5-year-old is more independent and my 19-month-old is no longer a baby, I’m now emerging from the mom-cocoon. It also helps that I work for myself, from home, with child care. As I poke my head (antennae?) out, I’m looking around saying, “What about me? What do I want?”

I’m allowing myself to move up my priority list. How do I want to spend my time? What do I want to experience or accomplish? It’s exciting to ponder these questions. I’m still a mom, with all the responsibilities and joys that come with it. But I’m also a person — who’s enjoying getting reacquainted with herself again.

Today’s author Susan is co-founder of Working Moms Against Guilt.