Tag: parenting

Self-Care Challenge Day 4: Support and Positive Thinking

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

As a first-time mom of a 16-month-old daughter, this past year has been the most rewarding, challenging and exhausting of my life. From the time my precious R was born, we have struggled with sleep issues.  First, she woke every hour letting us know that being put down was overrated. The next few months she could only sleep while breastfeeding which usually resulted in my being pinned to a chair (or bed) with my breast in R’s mouth. By month 7  we saw a sleep specialist, made some changes and things improved with occasional setbacks.

But this post isn’t about sleep training or my complaints, it’s about how I’ve taken care of myself during this year plus of sleep deprivation. The answer is two-fold: First, I created a network of support for myself that I rely on when I feel like I can’t go on and second, I think positively.

I cannot stress the importance of having a network of other moms. Whether it’s to say aloud, “I am so tired and I just don’t think I can go on like this” or “What did you do when your baby didn’t sleep?”- the support I have gotten from other women- some I know well and others I don’t- has been invaluable. It makes me feel stronger knowing that these women are there for me. What a treasure!

Thinking positively has also helped. When my friend’s babies started sleeping through the night at eight weeks and I was up 3-4 times a night and R wouldn’t nap anywhere but on me, I reminded myself to savor our cuddles and time together. Now when she wakes at 6 am, I think how lucky I am to take a walk with her before I go to work. Refocusing my attention on our “precious moments” gives me the energy to face the day.

Taking care of myself is good for my precious R because it makes me a better mommy.

Jessica is a first-time mom, LCSW and creator of the moms’ community on Facebook mamaSpace where you can to connect with other mamas. Reach Jessica at info@mamaspace.net.

Self-Care Starts with You-Let the Challenge Begin!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

As we like to say at livingselfcare.com, “Self-Care is like chocolate. You can never have enough.” During this week’s self-care challenge we’ll bring you daily tips and inspiration with a chance to win prizes that pamper. Click here to learn more.

The tip I’ve chosen to talk about from our Top Ten Tips Plus Two is #6-“Accept yourself and others wholly.” To love one’s self unconditionally, both strengths and limitations, may be one of the biggest challenges most of us face. Without self-acceptance, it’s impossible to feel secure, peaceful and accepting of others.

Exercise: Five Minutes for Yourself (from Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide):

Try to remember a day in your life when you felt happy, peaceful, and self-confident. It doesn’t matter if the memory is recent or from long ago. If you don’t have an actual memory to draw on, imagine what a day like this would look like. Are there people around or are you alone? Are you at the beach, in an office, on stage, snuggled in bed? Picture as vividly as possible the details of your surroundings. Use all five senses—identify sounds, smells, tastes, textures, and colors. Now pay attention to what your body feels like on this wonderful day. What is your breathing like? Can you feel your heartbeat? Are your shoulders relaxed? Can you feel your happiness clear to the tips of your fingers?

Now take a mental snapshot of this scene. You can return here whenever you need to take a break, whenever you need to feel refreshed and renewed. It only takes a few minutes. You only have to close your eyes and look at the snapshot again. It will all come flooding back to you: the sounds, colors, tastes, textures, and smells; the feelings of happiness, peace, and self-confidence radiating out into each part of your body. No one can take this away from you. It’s yours to keep and to draw on whenever you are in need.

Practice accepting your unique, wonderful self all week long. Remember, “progress not perfection” is the goal.

Self-Care Challenge Starts Monday

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips

Are you ready to live self-care? We hope so and our May 21-25 self-care challenge/contest will provide you with the tools and encouragement you need to get started or keep going if you’ve already begun.

Each May and October, we at livingselfcare.com offer a week long contest/challenge to help you make self-care part of your life. For our May 21-25 2012 challenge, we are asking you to take a look at Diane’s List of Ten Plus Two and choose a technique that you either already use or would like to try out. Then write a brief paragraph letting us know what you did and how it worked for you and email it to Stacey. Your submission qualifies you for our prize giveaway which includes a massage envy gift certificate, pedicure kit, Amazon gift certificate and more.

Our Challenge is not a competition. Instead, it is designed to encourage and support women as they move themselves to the top of their lists in order to support themselves as well as they do others.

We will also be tweeting and posting about how we’re doing personally with practicing our favorite self-care tips during  the challenge/contest at  www.twitter.com/realmomexperts and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/livingselfcare. Remember, progress, not perfection, is the goal!

Battling the Bulge While Embracing Equilibrium

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips

We all have our battle scars when it comes to our bodies and losing weight. I’m living proof of someone who often turned herself into a guinea pig – all in the name of getting healthy…and possibly finding balance.

“Hi, my name is Mollee and I’ve struggled with my weight for over 15 years. I am a self-admitted foodie who historically has had a hedonistic relationship with food.” While saying that “out loud” doesn’t magically make the pounds disappear, acknowledgment and transparency does at some point.

Frustrated at having tried just about everything, I came across a picture of my friend and she looked fabulous. I immediately contacted her and said, “Hey, you look amazing. What are you doing?” Turns out she took HCG drops. This controversial lifestyle changer has some people thinking it’s worse than Darth Vader, and others proclaiming their lives transformed because of it. I’m in the later camp.

I did my exhaustive research and decided that the only thing I had to lose were my bulges. I went by the book, didn’t cheat, made sure I had plenty of protein, vitamins and vegetables and by the end of my first round, 45 days later, I was 27 pounds lighter, with 28 inches melted off my body.  It sounds too good to be true, doesn’t it?

I became acutely aware of how much I was overeating, and learned how to make more intelligent food and lifestyle choices. I am enjoying being more aware of how my body works, too. But it’s not all about me.

What I want you to walk away with is the fact that if you put your mind to what you want, be it a project, mission, way of doing something, you are 100 percent capable of doing so. The only thing getting in the way is you. If you’re committed to yourself, change happens.

I found and embraced my equilibrium, will you?

Today’s author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org and one of next week’s challenge champions. Join us May 21-25 as we challenge and support each other to make self-care part of our daily lives.

Time Magazine Asks Moms to Judge If We’re “Mom Enough”?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

Shame on them. Isn’t there enough competition among moms already? First, it was the debate over whether we could work outside of our homes and still care well for our children or if we needed to stay home for our children to thrive . With 70% of moms currently working outside of our homes to contribute to our families’ financial support, I guess they had to find something new for us to judge ourselves and each other about.

So, they picked how we parent, implying that only the toughest and most determined moms/parents could succeed at attachment parenting. The goal of attachment parenting is to create a secure bond between mom and baby through breastfeeding on demand, co-sleeping and baby-wearing (keeping babies close to moms in a sling, on her lap while working, etc.) While parents are not encouraged to neglect their needs for sleep, nourishment, restorative activities-foundational self-care skills, it seems likely.

More important, the goal of all successful parenting is to create a secure bond between parent and child, whatever approach. In general, if we are attentive to our child’s needs while encouraging them to develop their independence to safely explore and master the world with your support, all will be fine. Flexibility and a willingness to grow and change ourselves is key. Finally, the research consistently shows that parents must balance their needs with those of their children for the best health outcomes.

Let’s not take the bait from Time Magazine and get caught in judging ourselves or other moms. There’s nothing to be gained. Whether we compete over how we raise our children or bringing the best school snack, losing the invaluable support of other moms isn’t worth it. Not for me!  The poet Rumi said, “Out beyond ideas of right-and wrong-doing, there’s a field. I’ll meet you there.”

This week is women’s health week and the week before our self-care challenge. Let’s join arms together to declare that women deserve to make their health and well-being a priority by making your health and well-being a priority this week and next. Now, that’s a battle worth fighting.

The Bare Necessities

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Self-Care Month, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

This month, we are writing about specific techniques to reduce stress based on Diane’s Top Ten Tips Plus Two. Today, I’d like to concentrate on, “Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.” It sounds like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? But when we chop this tip into pieces, we can see where we’re lacking.

1. Nourish Your Body With Food: I’m fairly sure that everyone that’s reading this eats every once in a while. But with busy days, sometimes we don’t take the time to make or buy something healthy. We end up going through the drive thru or getting a bag of chips out of the vending machine. This kind of diet will make you gain weight, raise your cholesterol, and increase your chances to develop Diabetes and heart disease. Think about it – how can you make time for eating healthy foods when you’re on the run? Many fast food chains offer some healthier choices, but cooking at home is the best because you’ll know everything that’s in your meal and can control its caloric content.

2. Nourish Your Body With Sleep: Raise your hand if you get 7 – 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night. Since I don’t see any hands up, I’m assuming you’re trying to live on 4 – 6 hours per night. Some of you may be operating on even less, especially if you just had a baby. The trick is to get at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night. You may need to get your partner or family member involved so you can sleep while the other person tends to the baby. All of you other women who are not sleeping enough: find a way to go to bed earlier! Lack of sleep can also increase your risk for heart disease, stroke and depression.

3. Nourish Your Body With Activity and Rest: So many jobs involve sitting behind a desk or in front of a computer. This creates a very sedentary day! If your workplace has stairs, use them! Take a walk on your lunch break. Do stretches at your desk. Most experts agree that getting aerobic exercise for at least 20 minutes, 3 times a week will help you lose fat, gain muscle and make you feel great! Exercise releases endorphins, which are the same neurotransmitters that are released during orgasm! On the other side of the spectrum, we also need to take time out to rest. Not sleep – rest. Lie on your couch and breathe. Let the stresses of the day evaporate and let yourself slowly transition from work to home (or from homemaker to peace and relaxation).

Which tips are you already using? Which ones would you like to use? If you give these tips a try, let us know how it goes and you will be entered into our May Self-Care Challenge! Good luck!

Sanford’s “Five A Day” For May

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

Last week, Stacey and I declared May Self-Care Month, and asked you to pick a self-care tip from our Top Ten Tips Plus Two to practice for the month. Many of you responded by saying you agreed.

Long before this blog was born, I discovered the only way to take good care of those we love is to take good care of ourselves. That’s how I developed my “Five A Day”- self-care skills critical to health and well-being. Since several of you mentioned working on these, #2 on our self-care list, here they are:

1.    Nutrition.  Eat at regular intervals to keep your body fueled and substitute healthy snacks for meals when needed.   Consume food mindfully without distractions like TV or cell-phones.  Eat healthy 75% of the time.

2.    Sleep.  Research shows that we need 8-9 hours of sleep for mental and physical health.  So, create a bedtime routine which quiets your mind instead of working until your head hits the pillow.  Lack of restful sleep diminishes  physical and emotional health.

3.    Physical Activity.  Recent studies indicate there are many successful ways to exercise from 15-20 minutes daily or  3-4 times weekly for an hour.  A combination of cardio, strength, and flexibility is best. Remember, exercise improves mood and longevity.

4.    Rest.  Take breaks.  Periods of activity/energy expenditure require periods of recuperation.  Our bodies aren’t designed to run full-tilt 24/7.

5.    Stress. Be aware of physical signs of stress: muscle tension, headaches, and GI symptoms.  If these occur, do something restorative-nap, workout, read, or whatever soothes you.  Don’t wait!

As a mom, wife, and daughter, I know it’s easy to neglect our health needs while insisting that our loved ones attend to theirs. I remember when my children were young, eating what they left on their plates for my meal. Taking a break was throwing in a load of laundry or picking up. I joke with friends that I didn’t exercise for 15 years although every day was a workout. With regard to stress management, suffice it to say I didn’t.

Please join us in declaring May self-care month. It’s worked for us. It can work for you.

May is Self-Care Month-We Need You!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Stacey and I are declaring May Self-Care Month, but we need your help choosing the self-care tips we’ll discuss. Last May, we offered our Top 10 Tips Plus Two. Here they are:

How to Live Self-Care

1.      Make your health and well-being a priority

2.      Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.

3.      Manage stress wisely.

4.      Be a positive thinker.

5.      Don’t make assumptions.

6.      Accept yourself and others wholly.

7.      Trust your inner guidance.

8.      Nourish relationships with family and friends.

9.      Respect yourself and others.

10.  Do what makes your heart sing.

11.  Practice compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

12.  Connect with spirit through gratitude, service, and intention.

This week, we’d like each of you to vote for the top tip you’d like us to write about by commenting on it at livingselfcare.com. Then, we’d like you to choose one tip to practice this month and send us a paragraph about what you’re doing to make it stick.  For participating, we’ll enter you into our self-care contest/challenge which will run from May 21-25 and features many wonderful prizes. Check out our contest section to see what we gave away last November.

Stacey and I will also be choosing our top tips, blogging about them and practicing with you. We have learned the hard way that caring for ourselves-body, mind, heart and soul, is better for us as well as our loved ones. When our emotional pitcher is dry, everyone loses.

Join us in declaring May Self-Care Month. While we can’t control everything, we can create a life filled with health, happiness and purpose if we align our actions and thoughts with living self-care body, mind, heart and soul.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it count!

Don’t Scratch That Itch-“Surf the Urge” Instead

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Last Monday I talked about spending 15 mindful minutes daily to reduce stress and improve health. Today’s strategy is called “urge surfing.” Developed by Alan Marlatt to help alcoholics resist the “urge” to drink, it works equally well with compulsive behaviors like eating, shopping, excessive TV and gambling. Likewise, it’s a great way to curb compulsive “thoughts.”

As with other mindfulness techniques, the underlying idea is that experience is fluid and that positive and negative feelings, thoughts and urges come and go. Emotional suffering occurs because we worry that if we don’t give in to the urge to take a drink, binge eat or spend too much time online, we’ll bring on an uncomfortable feeling that we won’t be able to tolerate. For example, I tend to stress eat when I’m nervous, worried or mildly sad rather than experience these feelings directly. Or I might obsess over what a friend said to me rather than feel the hurt or anger.

The goal of “urge surfing” is to endure the discomfort of the feeling, thought or urge, without scratching it. For me and my eating, it’s learning to sit mindfully with the feelings that come up when I don’t stress eat and watch their ebb and flow, like waves on the ocean. Sometimes, the feelings may be very strong and uncomfortable; other times they are weaker and less compelling. But the truth about life is that nothing bad or good lasts forever. By learning to be the “observer” of our experience, we are less attached to the ever changing peaks and valleys of our feelings, thoughts and urges.

This week, experiment with “urge surfing” by choosing a compulsive behavior or recurring thought and not giving into it. Some examples are: stress eating, nail biting, dwelling on your to-do list, drinking, and always being plugged in to phones or notepads. Be creative and choose some behavior or thought that speaks to you. Then spend 15 minutes not pursuing it and “surfing” the feelings that arise. Watch them come and go with acceptance and non-judgement.

Cowabunga!

It’s Monday: Do You Know Where Your Mind Is?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in April Tips, Monday Musings

Right now. This minute. What are you thinking about? Are you focusing on this post or is your mind elsewhere? Maybe you’re thinking about your to-do list or recalling or your visit with a good friend yesterday or waiting to hear from a colleague? But chances are that you’re not attending to the present moment, simply because most of the time we don’t.

This lack of present moment awareness, which afflicts us is affectionately called “mindlessness.” Studies show that we spend the majority of our time thinking about the future or past. However, the moments in our life which matter most are the ones in which we show up. Remember the last time you savored playing with your child, eating a tasty meal, walking in nature or taking a long, warm shower. Now, that’s satisfaction!

Since I just returned from a two-day conference on mindfulness, it’s on my mind and I plan to keep it there by posting about it. As a therapist, mom, woman and person, I think mindfulness is one of the best remedies for creating more joy and less stress. Research on mindfulness shows that it improves our health-body, mind, heart and soul, and that it may increase longevity.

But don’t take my word for it, try it yourself. Spend 15 minutes each day sitting quietly and focus on your breath, flowing in and out of your body. It may help to notice the rise and fall of your belly, your chest or sensations of the breath around your nostrils. Don’t judge your experience. Accept whatever happens. When thoughts occur, gently return your attention to the breath and observe its cycle from inhalation to exhalation.

If sitting still proves too challenging, choose any activity and pay attention to the accompanying sensations. When your mind strays, and it will, bring your focus back to what you’re doing. Like a lion, the mind runs wild but with time and practice, it can be tamed.

As always, let us know how it goes. All questions and comments are welcome.