real mom experts

Self-Care During the Heat Wave

Posted on July 12, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in July Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Temperatures have been breaking records all over the country due to the extreme heat. Not only is it uncomfortable, but triple-digit temperatures can be the cause of illness and even death if you don’t take care of yourself!

Some self-care techniques may seem obvious when you step outside and immediately start sweating. Stay inside where there’s air conditioning, drink plenty of water, and, if you do have to be outside for more than 15 minutes, wear at leastSun Protection Factor (SPF) 30 sunscreen to protect your skin from dangerous sunburns and seek out shady spots and take breaks often. However, there are some facts about self-care in the heat that many are not aware of.

Pools are popular places for residents to go for relief from the heat. The cool water masks the fact that you are still most likely sweating. Also, the pool water can actually focus ultraviolet (UV) rays on to your skin in a more extreme manner than if you were out of the water. So if you think you have less of a chance of getting burned in the pool, think again. Don’t pass up that SPF 30 or greater sunscreen, and apply it often – about every 30 minutes. This also applies to visits to the beach or a lake!

Cloudy, breezy days also seem to encourage folks to come outside. Many people believe that since it is cloudy, their risk for sunburn is diminished. Unfortunately, UV rays easily penetrate even the thickest cloud cover can can burn skin just as quickly as they would on a clear day.

It is true that the best times of the day to be outside in weather like this is in the mornings before 10 a.m. or in the afternoons after 4 p.m. The sun is not high in the sky during these times and UV rays are not as harsh. However, if you are required to be outside for over one hour during the heat of the day, wearing long sleeved shirts, long pants and a hat will give you the greatest protection. It sounds backwards, but the clothing will protect your skin and will also help absorb moisture from sweat. In this case, it is essential to stop and drink water every 10 – 15 minutes to lessen the chances of experiencing heat exhaustion or heat stroke. It used to be common thought that sugar and caffeine found in sodas and other drinks actually dehydrated the body, but this has been found to be false. However, experts still agree that water is the best option for hydration in temperatures this hot.

It looks like the heat is here to stay for a while, but using the self-care tips outlined above, you and your family can navigate the summer free of sunburns and heat illness.

They Grow Up So Fast

Posted on June 7, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

It is almost noon and I am sitting here waiting for my teenage girl to wake up. It is now summer break, and she takes advantage of catching up on her sleep deficit. As I sit here, I’m feeling nostalgic and a little bit sad.

Yesterday, the kiddo and I made plans to spend the day together. It’s my day off and it seems like I don’t see her very often. She’s really good about doing all her chores and so her reward is being allowed to visit friends. And visit she does! I know her friends now know her much better than I do, thus the sadness.

I remember when she couldn’t wait to spend time with me. She was always a “momma’s girl” and really still is in a lot of ways. I know in my heart that this is what happens developmentally: adolescents focus more on their peers than on their parents. She’s developing her individuality. She’s proving the idea that “they grow up so fast.” But who says I have to like it?

This is our challenge, moms! We have to move into acceptance as our children grow up. It is our job to teach them and guide them so we can feel confident about them eventually going out into the big, bad world. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or whatever else you may feel. Just make sure you don’t let yourself go down the “hurt” road. Your child is not trying to hurt you on purpose; he/she is doing his/her job, which is growing up and launching him/herself out into the world. You don’t have to like it, but just know that’s how it is. Accept this and look back at all the things you and your partner have given your children: lessons learned, guidance, being there through sickness or emotional issues, and letting them know that you will always be here if they need you. That, my friends, is how it’s supposed to be!

Self-Care Challenge Day 5: Interior/Exterior

Posted on May 25, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

I never understood – in fact, I always had a problem with – airline instructions of putting on an oxygen mask on yourself first, then on to others … that is not until Saturday when my friend came over. The more she talked, the more apparent it became that she was stretched so thin and was so frazzled in her pursuit of perfection at work and parenting, that she was miserable. Then it clicked; she needed to put her oxygen mask on first. She needed to take care of herself first to be better in other areas of her life…but so do I. May is my month of improvement. I didn’t pick one technique; I chose all and try (and I say try) every day to remind myself that all these things were important – I was putting on my oxygen mask first.

I was so thrilled to be asked to write a guest post as I feel strongly in women’s self care. Since my blog, adetailedhouse.com, expresses my love of interior design, what better place than to start at home? A warm, welcoming retreat has a ripple effect in one’s overall well-being and life. Even animals need their dens and nests. I find the atmosphere in my home the most essential thing to my ability to relax. Chaos in my space unwittingly leads to chaos in my mind. Colors, styles, textures, art and tastes are very personal and each person has a visceral reaction to them. The key is finding what speaks to you so you can be soothed mentally, physically and spiritually.

I’d like to give a visual of what I mean, but without commentary so that you can feel the rooms and see what you respond to:

Lewis2 — Whitest whites

Pale and soothing

Lewis1 — Whitest whites

Pale and soothing

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Our guest blogger, Kearney, is the author of A Detailed House, a blog that shares tips and anecdotes about interior design and life with 2 young daughters.

Self-Care Challenge Day 3: Healthy Relationships

Posted on May 23, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips

As we like to say at livingselfcare.com, “Self-Care is like chocolate. You can never have enough.” During this week’s self-care challenge we’ll bring you daily tips and inspiration with a chance to win prizes that pamper. Click here to learn more.

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Just like we wear many “hats,” we maintain many different types of relationships: kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends. Sometimes it’s easy to avoid or ignore a relationship and let it die. At times, it’s essential to cut ties with people who are unhealthy for you. But what about the people we love, but won’t interact with?

Relationships die for many reasons. Conflict is a big factor in this. I have a friend who moved several years ago. She go that far; her home is just a few hours away (can you tell I live in Texas yet?). But I don’t know what’s going on in her life anymore and she doesn’t know about mine.

This is a woman I’ve known for 15 years. We used to talk about everything and help each other out whenever needed. What happened to us? We had a big argument right after she moved. Neither one of us would budge. Now I feel sad every time I think of her.

I’m afraid to call her. “What if she hates me?” I always think. Most likely this is a distorted thought. I know that if she called me, I would be glad to hear from her. So, I am going to make that call today.

I urge you to reconnect with anyone that is special to you who you have avoided due to conflict. It can be scary to face but most of the time, anger dissolves into relief once you take the steps to reach out.

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For more tips on how to preserve relationship health, check out our friend Mollee Bauer. Mollee is founder of pregnancy.org, a site which offers great advice on pre-conception, pregnancy and post-birth mind-body health. She’s also one of our Challenge Champions!

Self-Care Challenge Day 2: The Mind-Body Connection

Posted on May 22, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

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Welcome to The Self-Care Challenge, Day 2! These guest entries focus on the mind/body connection reminding us that what goes on in our minds has a significant impact on our bodies, whether we are aware of it or not!

Our first self-care tip was written by my (Stacey’s) mother, Nancy Lawrence. I cherish the talks we have, as she always has wise words of advice for me – when I ask for it! My mom has never pushed her ideas or advice on me, and I have always been grateful for her giving me the space I need to make mistakes and then helping me learn from them. Here’s her entry:

The difference between a thoughtful word and a thoughtless word is the difference between a lightning bug and a lightning strike. One word or phrase can uplift or beat down. Take the word “failure” for example. If you hear this word and it pertains to you, in that moment you have to make a choice.

Failure doesn’t exist, really. It’s always a lesson on what won’t work and the opportunity to alter your thinking to find out what does work. After all, we’d have no light bulbs if Edison had thrown in the towel! In the brief seconds after hearing a thoughtless word, the choice is yours: hang your head and feel awful; or find the lesson or the “silver lining.” There always is one!

Our second self-care tip is from Sue Suardi, a friend of Diane’s. If you ever find yourself talking yourself out of going to the gym (or running or skipping yoga class…), come back here and read Sue’s wonderful tip:

My friends and co-workers ask me why after a long day of work I bother working out. I do it for myself. I believe working out is not only healthy for me but also a release of the stress from the day. Working out is not a chore for me but a gift to myself. Sweating is a sweet release!

What great advice for our minds and our bodies! Stay tuned for more tips during our Self-Care Challenge Week!

Rules of the House

Posted on March 29, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

As a psychotherapist, I work with many adults who are still struggling with their childhood “programming.” These are the rules and beliefs that your family of origin used, often unconsciously. It is very easy for someone who grew up in an abusive household to think that abuse is “normal.” Then the cycle continues.

One very common “program” is the “Don’t Rock the Boat” rule. This means that no matter what, family members either act like a dysfunction isn’t there, or try to “sweep it under the rug.” For example, a family with an alcoholic mother may never talk about the subject and may even step over her and keep walking if she was passed out on the floor.

Another common “program” is the, “Everything is Fine” rule. With this belief in place, each member of the family puts on “masks” when they have to interact with other people. For example, the mother and father could be going through an ugly divorce, but the children are all smiles and act as if everything is great. The parents do the same thing when in public.

What these programs have in common is untruth. These families don’t want to express their pain and dysfunction, so they never give themselves a chance to work through their problems. When they get to my office, they can be holding a lot of anger towards their parents, children, siblings or other family members. These folks have a choice: anger or forgiveness. As Kambri Crews, author of Burn Down the Ground says, “Forgiving others and making peace with the cards you have been dealt is within all of us. Generally speaking, people aren’t purely evil or good. Life is much more complicated than that. ” Well said, Ms. Crews.

Calm Your “Inner Lizard”: Meet Your “Inner Wizard”

Posted on March 19, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Monday Musings

Since returning from vacation a week ago, my brain is not fully engaged but I wanted to share an experience I had which helped connect me with who I am behind my social roles (mom, wife, daughter, career woman), worries, and fears. Before I left, I was re-listening to Martha Beck’s Steering By Starlight in which she discusses how much we’re controlled by our “lizard”/emotional brain, which broadcasts fears of warning and dread constantly. She even suggests you name your “inner lizard” although I haven’t come up with a fitting enough choice yet.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to visit a shaman and participate in a sweat lodge where you literally sweat out physical and mental stress but never had the opportunity. While on vacation, one of the excursions went to do just that. How lucky can one gal get?

Instead of excitement though, my “lizard”started sounding the alarm. “Danger. Danger. Danger. Don’t go. You won’t last and then you’ll humiliate yourself when you have to leave. Worst than that, you could pass out. Even worse, you could have a heart attack in a remote part of the jungle and not leave alive.” You get the picture.

However, I’ve been practicing meditation for the last five years, and mindfulness more recently, and my “wizard”/observing self was able to recognize that my fearful thoughts were unfounded or at least unproven. So, I decided to go to the sweat lodge with the shaman and discover for myself what would happen. Tune in next Monday to find out what I learned.

This week, be mindful of when your “inner lizard” is running the show and as Beck describes your “Top 10 Tunes” of fear and worry. Write them down on a piece of paper and notice when they occur. Then name your lizard so you can learn to tame it. Let us know what you come up with.

What’s Missing?

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

You’re making an effort to take better care of yourself. Say you’re having a good week: you’ve exercised, eaten nutritious meals, and maybe even had a spa day. Great job!

Is something still…missing? We forget that we are by nature, spiritual beings. We are a spirit (that essence of life and divinity that makes us who we are) in a body (flesh & bones) possessing a soul (mind, will, emotions). However, we often forget this .

So how do we activate and nurture our spirituality? Motherhood is one tough job – no doubt about it. Sometimes our faith is the only thing that will get us through. Here are some easy ways to integrate spirituality in our daily lives:

• Prayer & meditation- we can speak or write them in a journal. It doesn’t have to be fancy. We can pray silently when brushing our teeth, driving, or even changing a diaper. Many chores don’t require a great deal of concentration. This is an excellent time to contemplate and recite prayers/reflections that apply to our challenges.
• Reading- spending a few moments in the morning or before bedtime reading inspirational material from the Bible and other sources can bring much needed guidance and peace to our lives.
• Spiritual retreats & worship services- others can teach us, inspire us, and give us greater perspective.

Keeping it simple can ensure an active and productive spiritual life. Mommie Kate offers tips and encouragement for busy moms at Practical Faith For Everyday Life.

The Magic of Fall: Persephone’s Journey

Posted on October 10, 2011 by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

I was introduced to Persephone’s story a few years ago at a women’s retreat. In Roman mythology, Persephone is the daughter of Demeter, Mother Earth, who leaves “the world above” to become Queen of the Underworld. While some versions say she was abducted by Hades and taken against her will, I prefer to believe that she left because she had outgrown living as a child in her mother’s garden and wanted to fulfill her unique destiny.

Have you ever felt a “calling” to step outside your familiar life and journey into the unknown, imagining that what lies ahead will help you become more fully who you are intended to be? Have you ever felt “shackled” by what others expect from you like Persephone who longed to be more than her mother’s daughter, conforming to her expectations? When the fall air tugs at your cheek and the trees shed their leaves, can you feel their sense of freedom and possibility, beckoning you to let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore?

This is the magic of fall. The time to release old beliefs and habits, and to sow the seeds of what we do want in our life so that when spring comes, we will be ready. Now, enjoy Mary Oliver’s “The Journey” which inspires us to pursue the life which is waiting for us like Persephone chose to do. You can do it too!

Contest Postponed: Taking Time for Self-Care

Posted on October 3, 2011 by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Last week I was reviewing plans for the self-care contest/challenge with Mollee Bauer of pregnancy.org when we realized the contest needed additional planning to succeed, so I’m postponing it from Oct.2-8 to Nov.14-18. Also, my emotional pitcher was nearing empty. As we often say, you can’t give others what you don’t have so I gave myself a 3-day weekend to recharge.

This weekend, I haven’t done anything special. In fact, I haven’t done much at all. Truly nirvana. However, I wanted to share a few gifts with you since the contest/challenge is delayed. Here they are. First, the theme of the contest will be gratitude and thankfulness. Each day we’ll have an activity to complete which expresses our theme. Over the next few weeks, if you come up with an activity we use during the contest, you’ll win a box of Godiva chocolates. Please put your suggestions in the comment section of this or future posts.

Second, the following are links to other web resources for living self-care from several wonderful women I’ve met online and other articles/interviews I’ve done recently. For pregnancy and post-birth health, visit pregnancy.org. For self-care tips, listen to my podcast with Darline Turner of mamasonbedrest. Read about making motherhood work for you on totstoteensmagazine or look at my 7 Sanity-Saving Tips at babycenter.com. Good suggestions for anyone.

Don’t forget to send us a contest idea and remember, “Self-care is like chocolate, you can never have enough.”

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