Tag: self care tips for women

“I’m a Good Mom”- Count Your Strengths

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

My friend Diane Sanford, PhD, co-wrote an incredible book with Ann Dunnewold, PhD, for new mothers, called Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide. She mailed me a copy, and since I received it a few months ago, I occasionally turn to it when I’m having one of those “I’m a terrible mother” days. You know those days? I hope you don’t, but I think they’re an inherent part of this motherhood gig, unfortunately.

This book is one I wish I could loan to all of my pregnant postpartum friends–but I can’t bear to part with it. So I’ll recommend it instead. Especially this exercise in the book, called “Two Minutes for Yourself”:

Two Minutes for Yourself

Take out a sheet of paper. Fold it in half length-wise. On one side, write your strengths. The flip it over and write, “The mom I want to be” on the other side at the top. List the ten qualities that you think make a good mom. Your list may include virtues such as patience, drive, and organization, or more diverse elements such as joyfulness or an affectionate nature. Now take a deep breath and view the lists. Which qualities do you intrinsically posess? Many of these attributes may already be on your strengths list. Circle the matching ones on both lists. Recopy these (or the top five, if you have more than five) onto a three-by-five note card with the heading “Qualities I have which make me a good mom.” Tear up the other list and throw it away. Rather than fretting about what personal aspects of a stereotypic good mom you lack, focus on the strengths you bring to this new relationship. There are as many ways to be a good mother as there are opinions about getting a baby to sleep through the night. Put the card in your purse or wallet and review it regularly to build your confidence in this new role.

Doesn’t that sound like a lovely way to spend a few minutes? When I did this exercise myself, I was surprised to see that many of the qualities I listed as possessed by a good mom are ones I had also listed as my strengths. I think you will be similarly surprised.

Today’s author is Jaime of  jamesandjax.com a wonderful blog for new and veteran moms.

Don’t Let Conflict (Or Fear) Destroy Your Relationships

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

February is the month that is the most closely associated with romantic relationships. But what about other relationships? We have many of them: kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends. Sometimes it’s easy to avoid or ignore a relationship and let it die. At times, it’s essential to cut ties with people who are unhealthy for you. But what about the people we love, but won’t interact with?

Relationships die for many reasons. Conflict is a big factor in this. I have a friend who moved away several years ago. She didn’t move that far; her home is just a few hours away (can you tell I live in Texas yet?). But I don’t know what’s going on in her life anymore and she doesn’t know about mine.

This is a woman I have known for 15 years. We used to talk about everything and help each other out whenever needed. What happened to us? We had a big argument right after she moved. Neither one of us would budge. Now I feel sad every time I think of her.

I’m afraid to call her. “What if she hates me?” I always think. Most likely this is a distorted thought. I know that if she called me, I would be glad to hear from her. So, I am going to make that call today.

I urge you to reconnect with anyone that is special to you who you have avoided due to conflict. It can be scary to face but most of the time, anger dissolves into relief once you take the steps to reach out.

Love ThySelf-To Thine Own Self Be True

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

There are bucket lists, rainy day lists, pros and cons lists, but what about a DO list? Do you have a list of things you actively want to do for yourself but just “can’t find the time?”  Valentine’s Day is a perfect time to put that plan into practice.

While most people associate Valentine’s Day with lovers, and couples, kids and families, the perception that we can love ourselves gets a raised eyebrow. I’m not talking about THAT kind of love. I’m hinting about love of self and pampering ourselves for a change.

We already know that women don’t take the time or feel that they can’t.

Here are some easy and quick ways to be loving yourself this holiday.

  1. Get a massage or spa treatment of your choice. You deserve it!
  2. Splurge on a nice “something-something” for yourself you’ve had an eye on.
  3. Get yourself some flowers – and they’ll be the perfect choice!
  4. Like to journal? Start a fresh journal for the year and write about the ways you can practice self-care!
  5. Do you find that you’re very self-critical? Give yourself a break, at least for today.

The heart can be a mysterious place but it doesn’t have to be. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Today’s guest author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org, the premiere website for info and support for pregnant and new moms.

Give yourSELF a Valentine

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Please indulge me for a moment whilst I tell you about my outlook on Valentine’s
Day (VD). Remember that I am married, so while I have a “Valentine,” I believe that NOBODY is “ineligible” for VD.

I think VD is a “Hallmark Holiday.” It’s a day for the flower, card, candy and nice
meal sellers to cash in. It’s a day filled with joy – yes, for some. But it’s also a day for loneliness, depression and guilt for others. I asked my husband years ago to not buy me anything for VD. I’d rather get a token of his affection on a random day when it’s not expected. Instead, I indulge my Self on VD. I’d like to challenge you to make this VD all about your Self, too, no matter what your “Valentine” status is.

So how do you do this? Some of the things that I have done include going for a mani/pedi (go during the middle of the day so they are not crowded if
you can), getting a massage, locking my Self in my bedroom and reading ALL DAY, looking on the Internet for my favorite flower arrangement to buy for my Self the day after VD (at a real discount!), and cooking my Self my favorite dish to enjoy on my own.

What things can you think of that you might like to do for your Self on VD? It doesn’t have to cost any money, can be done any time of day or night, and does not require another person (though maybe you’d like to share your VD gift to your Self with someone). It’s your challenge! Leave your ideas in the comments section!!

Why Weight To Be Fit and Fabulous

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Like Stacey, I’m a People magazine fan (what a great escape!) and last night at the grocery I noticed Demi Moore on the cover with the caption she’s “barely eating” because her life’s falling apart. While I hate to see anyone suffer, I did wonder why celebs don’t eat themselves into a stupor when they feel stressed out like the rest of us. At least indulge a little, right?

I used to indulge a lot From my early teens to mid-twenties my weight bobbled up and down 50 lbs. I tried all kinds of diets, including my favorite where I ate a light breakfast, one giant chocolate-covered ice cream cone for lunch and a light dinner. I actually lost weight on it because I enjoyed the ice cream so much.

It wasn’t until midway through graduate school when I stumbled across a book Fat Is A Feminist Issue that I figured out what to do. In it, Susie Orbach discusses how women use weight to deal with relationships with men as well as the conflict over being valued for their brains or bods.

Reflecting on her ideas, I realized that every time I slimmed down, I got more welcome and unwelcome attention from men. Since I wasn’t assertive, it was easier to pile on the  pounds than tell them to back off. Also, when I weighed more men took me more seriously and as a women who values being “brainy,” this worked better too.

With the help of Orbach’s book and some soul-searching, I was able to remove the obstacles to maintaining a healthy weight. I learned that if I was clear about who I was inside, the outside could reflect that without hiding behind extra pounds. I could be smart, sexy, strong and assertive. I didn’t have to sacrifice one for the other.

This week think about how your appearance reflects your inner life. What do you need to change on the inside before you change on the outside? What’s getting in your way?

Loving the Body You’re In

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

One of my guilty pleasures is People Magazine. I was looking through this week’s edition and found myself paused at an article about actress Kelly Preston. She is the wife of John Travolta, and they tragically lost their 16 year-old son in 2009. Miraculously, she got pregnant in 2010 and gave birth to a baby boy last year at age 49. I paused because the article was not about how resilient she is or about her new family – it was about how she lost 42 lbs. in 14 months.

Can I get a collective “WHO CARES” here? It’s not the weight loss that I wanted to know about, but I didn’t have a choice. Society is so hyper-focused on appearance! “This diet is great! 30 is the new 50! Size 14 is the new Size 2!” Huh?

Today is the second day of February, a month often dedicated to love and
relationships. Here at Living Self-Care, we’re going to be focusing on that, too. Today, I want you to take a look at your relationship with your Self; the part of your SELF that carries you around every day, keeping you alive and doing the physical stuff: your body. How often do you look in the mirror and compare what you see to popular media, friends, family…everything? Comparisons are useless. Somehow, we always lose. The grass is always greener and all that.

My challenge to you this February is to look in the mirror daily and find one thing you either like or feel neutral about. It can be anything about your face, yourbody, your sense of style, your hair – anything. Acknowledge it. Appreciate it. And then try not to compare…because there’s no one quite like you!

Making Your Resolutions Stick!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

January is coming to an end and our New Year’s resolutions are in full swing…or are they? How do we make the resolutions we committed to come to fruition? These ideas might help you get rid of bad habits and kick-start that new phase in your life.

1. Pick just one thing. If you’re aiming to change your life, don’t try to do it all at
once. Pick one area or thing to change and start there.
2. Plan ahead. To ensure success, research the change and plan ahead so you’re
prepared.
3. Anticipate problems. There is always going to be something. Identify what
could possibly crop up.
4. Pick a start date (one that’s really attainable). Who says you have to make
these changes today? Pick a date and stick to it.
5. Just “Go for It.” When you hit that date, go for that goal 100%. Make the
commitment; write it down on a card. Keep that card with you at all times to
reinforce the goal.
6. Accept failure. We’re human. Realize that you’re not going to be perfect.
7. Plan on rewards. If you hit your goal, and keep to your resolutions, reward
yourself with something that really makes you tick.

Whatever your plans for 2012, we wish you the best on your endeavors.
Don’t forget that your life is your own; you make your own luck, and decide how you get there!

Today’s author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org where smart, savvy moms go for the best advice and support on the web.

Oh, Where Does the Time Fly?

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

[OK, please don’t smack me!] Wow! It’s already more than half way through
January, 2012! Can you even believe it? One of the things that I have never truly
been able to do successfully is to set aside a normal “regular” day to be more of
a “really important” one here and there. If you look at every day as a gift, true “lesser important” days can’t even occur.

Every day is as significant as the last; however, it may just not appear that way because a lot of “normal ol’ stuff” and “regular” days do have a lot of overlap. Yes, we get up, go to work, perhaps go to the gym, rinse and repeat. That’s one of the reasons health and fitness professionals suggest that a varied routine is one that you will stick to over the weeks, months and years – well, that, and getting a workout buddy! There’s just something nice about knowing that another person is trying to do the exact same thing you are and is probably experiencing the exact same obstacles, too. Put your two heads together and perhaps you’ll be able to surmount the same challenges in half the time!

If working out isn’t your thing, buddying up with someone pursuing the same goal still improves your chances for success. In fact, social support is key in making change stick. Join us in encouraging each other to keep livingselfcare one day at a time. Together, let’s create the changes and lives we desire.

Making Changes That Fit With Who We Are

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

This month we’ve been talking about how to succeed at our New Year’s resolutions. If you’re just joining us, we’ve discussed: 1) setting goals which are realistic, attainable and important; 2) drawing inspiration from and encouragement from others; 3) remembering change is a process which occurs in steps; and 4) accepting personal responsibility for what we want to happen.

After reading the latest issue of Oprah on how to “Express Yourself” and getting an e-mail from Jean Houston on  “Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose,” I thought about another important ingredient. Being certain the changes we want to make fit who we truly are or reflect the “essence” of what’s inside of us. If that sounds heady, it’s not but it is challenging.

As women, we often choose goals that reflect what we think other people want for approval and security. We choose careers, interests and relationships that may not nourish us but are the “right” thing to do. Then we wonder why we don’t feel motivated to exercise more, organize our house or prepare healthy meals. It’s because these changes don’t necessarily reflect who we are. Not that everything can but at least something should.

This year resolve to choose one change that feeds your soul. Express your creativity through writing, photography, or art. Desiring more adventure, go ziplining, whitewater rafting, or skydiving. Visit Lesley Carter’s site for great ideas. Release your inner diva through song, dance and personal style-like The Cubicle Chick. Whatever you choose, be fearless and make it your own!

Make New Year’s Resolutions You Can Keep

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

The New Year is a time of renewal and change, but what, exactly, ARE New Year’s Resolutions?

Dictonary.com defines “resolution” as: the mental state or quality of being resolute; firmness of purpose. Resolute alludes to making a decision; a popular one being losing weight. However, the difference between a decision and a resolution is significant. It’s easy to say, “I’m going to the gym three times per week this year.” It is also easy to NOT go to the gym three times per week. So, unless you stick with a plan (or resolution), you have not made a decision.

So, what makes a good New Year’s Resolution?

Number one: it has to be realistic. You cannot expect yourself to go from exercising only when you go up the stairs to getting to the gym 5 days per week! Number two: you have to know it’s attainable: if there’s no gym in your town and you would have to drive 25 miles to get there, then how attainable is that, really? Number three: it has to be important. If you make a resolution to lose 10 pounds and you really don’t care if it happens, then its not important to you.

Here are some ideas for Self-Care New Year’s Resolutions:

Stacey Glaesmann, LPC

• Take 15 minutes every day for “me” time
• Set aside 30 minutes to 2 hours per week to be completely lazy (do nothing
productive during this time)
• Say “no” more often
• Visualize yourself in your “Happy Place” five minutes per day