Tag: self-help

Spring (Give Me a) Break!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Hey, parents! What time is it? SPRING BREAK TIME! “What gave it away?” you ask. Yes, the students are bouncing off of the walls, but that’s not it. What alerts me are the bleary-eyed looks I get from parents when I mention the one-week school vacation.

Spring Break was designed to give students and teachers a rest from the rigors of the second half of the school year. Families sometimes take advantage of this time to go on trips and spend time together. But do we really do what we want to over the Break or are we too focused on doing what others are doing?

“Maria’s family is going to Disneyland,” my daughter reported one year after I told her we had no plans for Spring Break. I felt a twinge of guilt (synonym for mother) and inferiority when I thought about what Maria’s parents had planned for their family trip. In fact, most of my daughter’s friends were going out of town for at least part of the week. We were staying home, much to my kiddo’s chagrin.

When the week was over, Maria’s mom came by. I noticed the bags under her eyes and her eyelids at half-mast as she described their “incredibly fun” trip. “So, you’d recommend that we go some time?” I asked as she got up to leave. She stopped, turned to look directly at me and said, “I’d recommend that you do what you want to do. ‘Cuz doing what everybody else wants to do sucks.”

http://www.pearlandtherapy.com

I couldn’t have said it better myself! This Spring Break, ask yourself what it is that YOU want and need. Maybe it is a trip to Disneyland, but chances are, you and your family need a little rest and relaxation. And no matter how fun an amusement park is, it promotes anything but rest. The idea is to return to school and work feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, so give yourself a Break and make it happen!

Spring is the Time to Take Control

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Monday Musings

Spring has come to symbolize a time for new beginnings, starting from a clean slate, or thinking about the choices we’ve made or didn’t make. Take a moment to think about the past year, and how it played out. Are you satisfied? What would you change?

Paul Simon in a song said, “Seasons change with the scenery, weaving time in a tapestry…” Our lives are complex and at times complicated. Do we give ourselves the chance to start anew? How much do we care about what we’re going through at any given moment?

Logically, we all care on some level. That’s what self-care is all about. It’s more than getting a massage, being nice to yourself, or getting yourself flowers. Don’t get me wrong, that’s all great stuff, but we need to do more for ourselves, each other, and in our community.

The most common phrase we hear from other women (including ourselves) is, “I don’t have time to…” Why don’t we? What is the real reason? What prevents us from embracing inner peace, health and wellness, or achieving success?

More often than not it’s fear and doubt. This pair is among the top killers of innovation, success, and happiness. This spring, clobber the dirty duo and engage with your inner you, take charge and reset!

 

 

Today’s guest author is Mollee Bauer, founder of pregnancy.org, the premiere website for info and support for pregnant and new moms.

 

Regretfully Yours…

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Dictionary.com defines regret as “a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.” When I hear people speak of their regrets, they are usually thinking about their pasts. But we all know that we can’t change the past and we can’t predict the future. So, what function do regrets really have?

Author Rory Cochrane once said, “I do not regret the things I’ve done, but those I did not do.” So whether you’re thinking of something you wish you hadn’t done or maybe something you wish you had, regret can function as a guide for present-moment decisions. And all we have is the gift of right now – that’s why it’s called the “present.”

Personally, I can honestly say I have no regrets. I’m one of those people that believe that everything happens for a reason, so what is there to regret? The Cochrane quote really had a big impact on me the first time I read it. I have been an anxious person most of my life, and was allowing the fear to make my world smaller and smaller. Reading that quote made something “click” in my head and helped me say “yes” to things that I wanted to do but usually would have said “no” to out of fear of the unknown.

Are there things that you regret? Perhaps there’s a person that you’d like to reconnect with or a situation that you can correct. Today is the first day of March. While Spring doesn’t officially start until the 20th, why not start anew today? Fix the things you can and work on letting go of the things you can’t. Regret, like guilt, can be an excellent motivator, but hanging onto it too long is just a waste of precious energy.

“The Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  When asked to refrain from teaching this, he chose to end his life by drinking hemlock. For the last few weeks, this phrase keeps coming up in conversation which prompted me to write about it.

How does examining one’s life relate to self-care? Because part of self-care is learning to listen to our “inner voice” and become clear about who we are and what is truly nourishing. Not in a self-centered way but a self-respectful one. However, in today’s frenetic, “need to do one more thing” culture, we often don’t slow down and get quiet enough to hear what our “inner voice” is saying.

Likewise, it’s easier (and less painful) to lose ourselves in what we’re doing and what needs to be done than reflect on who we are and what we may need to change to create our best life. For example, someone who is in an unhappy marriage may focus their attention and energy on their children to protect them from knowing how miserable they are. Or a woman who has a demanding parent may exhaust herself trying to appease them rather than look at her own co-dependent need to be needed.

When we choose self-care, we send a message to ourselves that we are important and that our health-body, mind, heart and soul, is a priority. We quiet the noise of other voices and instead attend to own. Dangerous yes, but totally worthwhile!

What do you think???

When Did “NO” Become a Dirty Word? The Value of Setting Limits

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

I was watching an episode of House Hunters where a couple who had already lost $30,000 on their last house looked at a house which was $70,000 over their budget. I said to my husband they would never choose that house and he said, “They will.” And they did.

How did sanity lose out to granite counters and double sink vanities? When did we decide that we deserve what we want regardless of the consequences? How can we expect our children to control themselves when we don’t?

The same week I was sitting on a plane next to an older mom whose children were in their 20’s. We talked about the rules and expectations we had for our children which garnered me the title “meanest mom on the block.” We agreed that it’s more important to be a “parent” than a “friend” and that our children had turned out the better for it.

But parents today seem afraid to say “no.” Whether it’s putting their baby down to sleep when they’re crying, timing their 3 year-old out for yelling, or telling their 13 year-old they can’t do something just because everyone else is. They seem more concerned about their children liking them and not fussing at them, than being firm with clear expectations and rules. Has life has become so stressful we lack the energy to stand up and not give in?

So, let’s learn to say “no” to ourselves and our children. Limit-setting promotes responsibility and self-reliance. Valuable qualities, indeed.

Pick Your Pie

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

“For those of you who feel overwhelmed and yet can’t see what you could eliminate from your schedule, I’d like to address a few things here. First, I want you to know that life really isn’t a competition. I think we can all agree that a little competitiveness is good-it motivates, keeps us on our toes and helps us do our best. But when you feel everything you do is being compared to someone else, it can make you a little crazy!

I’m not knocking being the best at something. But there are tons of other positions in life. You’re probably familiar with them despite killing your Self to be number one. I’m urging you right now to just do the best you can (and let your kids do the same) and then relax.

Instead of ‘putting your fingers in so many pies’ I’m urging you to limit your kids’ activities to one, maybe two, things a week. Just think how much more family time you’ll have! I’m urging you to choose one, maybe two volunteer activities you feel passionate about and let the others go. You will find you have more time and energy than you’ve had in a long time. Believe me when I say no one is judging you for what you are or aren’t doing. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives to give yours more than a brief notice.”

Today’s author is Stacey Glaesmann, MA, LPC. Her book is What About Me?

Remembering Lost Loved Ones

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Today is Memorial Day which honors the memory our lost loved ones. In life, we experience many kinds of losses -the deaths of a spouse, child, family member, beloved friend or cherished pet. The loss of a job, a divorce or our children moving away.  Some of these are talked about openly. Others are not.

One loss which is rarely discussed is when a baby dies either during pregnancy or soon after delivery. Maybe you or someone close to you has gone through this.  Whether it occurs early or late in pregnancy, does not lessen its importance or impact on the woman/couple. While losses after 20 weeks are generally more traumatic, this isn’t always so. For couples who are struggling with fertility issues, each failure to conceive is a loss not only of becoming pregnant but also their dream of the child/family they hoped for.

If you’re supporting a woman/couple who’s going through a pregnancy/neotnatal loss, never assume that you know what their experience of grief is. Many times remarks made with good intentions like “These things happen for a reason or  I know things will get better,” are perceived as insensitive and offensive. If you’re not certain what to say, don’t say anything.  When people are grieving, often what they need most is for you to just listen. You cannot take away their pain or make it hurt less but you can support them with love and compassion.

For more, visit By the Brooke, Grieve Out Loud and Share.

PPD Recovery and Renewal

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized, Wednesday Wisdom

I was listening to a mother in our postpartum support group as she described small victories; she was recovering from postpartum depression (PPD) and was feeling good about herself and how far she had come. I wondered why more women don’t celebrate recovery and victory over depression, anxiety, grief, and other emotional challenges.

A few years ago while offering phone support, one mom mentioned that after recovering from PPD, her Mother-in-law said she didn’t like who she’d become. Why was that?  What was different about her? She’d emerged a stronger, more confident woman, able to voice her needs and take care of herself.  A well-fought victory!  We laughed about her mother-in-law’s reaction and celebrated the woman she is now who is so different than when I first spoke to her.

After two personal experiences with PPD, I like the woman and mother I have become. I feel strong for fighting and winning against PPD, to date it is the most difficult thing I have experienced in my life. Now I ask for what I want and take care of my needs. I have self confidence in who I am and my abilities as a mother. That terrible experience molded me into the person I am today. Today, celebrate the woman you are becoming and have become!

Real Moms Geralyn and Linda

Linda Meyer is the Executive Director of Mother to Mother in St. Louis, MO. Mother to Mother offers telephone and group support to women experiencing emotional difficulties during pregnancy and postpartum.

Bonding With Your Baby

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips, Uncategorized

Bonding  prenatally and after delivery creates a foundation for the parent-child relationship.
Here are some bonding tips:

  1. Place your baby on your chest after birth and put a warm blanket over both of you. Hold, touch, and talk to your baby. Your body releases hormones that encourage bonding and attachment to your baby. You and baby do not need to be separated during the first hour after delivery unless there is a medical concern.
  2. Have dad take off his shirt and hold baby skin to skin.
  3. Massage your baby.
  4. Sing to your baby. Sing whatever you want, it doesn’t have to be kids music.
  5. Read to your baby. Read prenatally and post-delivery to your baby. Babies can hear in the womb and respond to your voice.
  6. Talk to your baby.
  7. Tell your baby “I love you.”
  8. Soak in the smell of your newborn. Who doesn’t like the smell of a newly washed baby?
  9. Your breastmilk is composed of the things you eat, so it tastes different at each feeding. Eat a variety of foods to treat yourself and your baby.
  10. Smile! Babies love faces and newborns can see from their mother’s breast to her face.
  11. Use a wrap, sling or carrier and keep your baby close to you.
  12. Play with your baby during diaper changes. Peek-a-boo and This Little Piggy are fun games.

Jamie Bodily is founder and director of ParentsCount. Jamie offers private and group “Happiest Baby on the Block” classes encouraging gentle baby calming for fussy babies.  For more-www.parentscount.com.

Spring Is In the Air: Time for Emotional Cleaning

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Spring is in the air.   As the days get longer and the weather warms, we feel a growing urge to refresh and renew our lives.  The blossoming season brings with it the opportunity to release what we’ve held on to mentally or emotionally, which no longer fits.  Spring cleaning indeed.

Clearing away old beliefs.  Just like our physical space, our minds are often cluttered with wornout beliefs and ideas.  In cognitive therapy, clients learn to monitor their negative beliefs and refute them.  If someone grew up being criticized, they may have the belief “I’m no good”.  As an adult however, they may have a successful career or be a caring parent, evidence that this belief is not true.  Changing automatic assumptions is empowering and liberating. 

Sow the seeds of intention: Step One.  Along with releasing negative thoughts, we must clarify what we want.  Why is this challenging?  First, our minds  chatter constantly over urgent but not important matters.  Like what we said that offended someone we hardly know or putting the laundry away.  Instead, we need to quiet our “monkey mind” through prayer, meditation and relaxation.   Stillness allows connection with our deeper selves.

Sow the seeds of intention: Step Two.  When our mind is still, we see more clearly how we want to live.  Then during our daily meditation/prayer, we can set our intentions for serenity, peaceful relationships, health, etc., allowing our intention and energy to flow in the direction we desire.  Creating the life we want one day at a time.