Tag: self-help

Healthy Relationships: A Must for Self-Care

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Cultivating healthy relationships and eliminating harmful ones is essential to proper self-care.  Whether it’s with a spouse, child, parent, sibling, friend or co-worker, a healthy relationship is one that is characterized by RESPECT- for us and the other person.

This includes:

  1. Courtesy – Be polite. Follow through. Be on time. Avoid shouting, insults, nagging, and manipulation.
  2. Boundaries- It’s okay to set limits, to say “no,” and to expect respect. Honor the other’s personal limits as well.
  3. Personal safety- Violence is NEVER justified or okay. Everyone has a right to be safe from physical and/or emotional abuse.
  4. Honesty- Deception and lies hurt both parties.  The truth always comes to light. Trust is easy to keep but almost impossible to repair.
  5. Clear communication- Say what you mean. Don’t expect others to read your mind. If you are unsure about what someone means, ask questions.
  6. Realistic expectations- Consider the other person’s role and the limits of that role.  Don’t expect the same intimacy from co-workers as spouses.  Even if the other person doesn’t like what’s said, we are each responsible for our own happiness. 
  7. Flexibility and understanding- Plans change. People disappoint. Life is a moving target.  Learn to adapt and adjust.
  8. Grace- No one is perfect. Sometimes we have to forgive and overlook shortcomings.  Other times, we must ask for forgiveness.
Mommie Kate

 

Good relationships (including with ourselves) are treasures. They must be nurtured.  Make time for them. Cherish them. Enjoy them.

Today’s author is Mommie Kate.  Visit her at http://faith4moms.blogspot.com/.

January:The Journey of Self-Care Begins

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

This month we’ve talked about how to make self-care changes which will stick, and how to appreciate the blessings of everyday life which is self-care in practice. While we’ve heard these ideas before, it’s “doing” them that’s challenging.

To summarize what we’ve said about making self-care part of  our daily routine:

  1.  Set small attainable goals, like 15 minutes a day.
  2.  Break the change into smaller steps.
  3.  Make it part of what’s already in the schedule.  Mommie Kate had some great advice on this.
  4.  Intend/visualize what we want to happen.
  5.  Don’t become self-critical of missteps.  Learn from the experience and try again.
  6.  Have a positive attitude about self-care.  Remember it’s a choice.
  7. Self-care and self-love gives us the energy to love others.  As Laura Nash said, “You can’t give what you don’t possess.”  

Now, for the big picture.  Self-care is not just a set of skills we practice, it’s an attitude for how we view and approach our lives.  With all life’s ups and downs, even in a single 24 hours, there’s much to be appreciated.  Often it’s in the small things-sunshine, our children’s smiles, flowers budding in spring or a kind word.  When we put our attention on life’s abundance, we feel loved and cared for. 

Buddha said, “If we could see the miracle of a single flower, our whole life would change.”  Embrace this year with wonder and positive intention.  Be grateful for all that is and all that is yet to be.  Self-care is a path to health, happiness and awakening the soul.  Let’s journey well together.

Scheduling Self-Care

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

I spent 2010 in a new-mom fog, topped off with postpartum depression. It seemed the day my son was born, I forgot how to care for myself as I learned to care for him. Now that I’m recovered from PPD and the shock of new parenthood, this year I’m refocusing on myself.

In 2011, I plan to spend less time on laundry and dusting and more time taking a bubble bath and reading a book.  Less time overscheduled, angry, and worried and more time playing, giggling, and snuggling.

But how can this be accomplished without neglecting my obligations? I hear so many mothers ask themselves and each other this.  Ironically, I feel the answer is  scheduling—relax, it’s the good kind! Grab your calendar and pick one date each week to devote 2 hours (or a whole evening if you can) to doing something JUST FOR YOU. I’m not talking about an hour online replying to emails! I mean a shopping trip for a new (maybe impractical) pair of shoes or a solo trip to the local coffeehouse with your favorite novel or best friend. If you have children,

Real Mom James with Jax

the minute you have your dates selected for the month, grab your phone and plan your childcare for the entire month. Trust me, this will keep you accountable!

Simple enough, right?  To nurture others, you must first nurture yourself.

Today’s author is James of James & Jax, a blog about discovering her new self after becoming a mom.

Simple Strategies For Self-Care

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Think you don’t have the time or money to pamper yourself? Not to worry… I want to share some ways I squeeze in inexpensive “quickies” to nurture myself. Utilize 5-15 minute increments sprinkled throughout the day to take care of yourself while taking care of everything and everyone else.

  1. Flavor your coffee with fancy creamer BEFORE the rest of the family awakes. Read something uplifting or humorous to start the day on a positive note.
  2. If your children are jumping on that last nerve, put yourself in time out. For 3-5 minutes breathe deeply then hum a happy tune.
  3. Bathe young children during the day. While they’re playing in the water, read a novel or catch up on your favorite blogs on a laptop/smart phone right there in the bathroom.  It’s also an excellent opportunity for a facial scrub/mask or to paint fingernails (one thin coat of light iridescent pink dries fast and chips are less noticeable).
  4. Utilize kids’ nap time for craft projects, a good movie, or a nap yourself. Resist the urge to do chores. Resting IS productive.
  5. Time/childcare permitting, make a date with yourself. Spend an hour or two visiting the library, coffee shop, salon, or art galleries-whatever you enjoy.
  6. Monitor and eliminate negative self-talk. Speak kindly to yourself. Challenges are just opportunities to find another way.
Photobucket
Real woman Mommie Kate

Each day, be good to yourself. You’re worth it! Today’s author is Mommie Kate who offers tips and encouragement for busy moms at Practical Faith for Everyday Life.

New Year for a New You

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

There’s always the classic “Top 10” list for resolutions: 1. More time with
family and friends; 2. Fitness; 3. Tame the bulge; 4. Quit smoking; 5. Enjoy life more; 6. Quit drinking; 7. Get out of debt; 8. Learn  something new; 9. Help others; and lastly: 10. Get organized. What seems to be missing from this list? Self-care! Granted some of these “Top 10” touch on the concept of self-care, but what does it really mean to create a “new you” and stick with it all year round? What are you going to do to make sure you break your bad habits and take care of yourself more and really mean it?

Real woman Mollee Bauer of pregnancy.org

Last time I touched on how self-care should be a revolution. I still believe that whole-heartedly. Taking time out of your day to meditate, laugh a bit,  eat right, do for yourself first, even smile with yourself, is crucial to being a productive and happy woman. It’s a new year – a clean slate – let’s fill that slate with powerful and beneficial actions of self-care! Find a tip or two on this site! You won’t be sorry!

At  www.pregnancy.org, we’re in a similar business. We give women the tools to not only empower themselves, to feel safe and secure but also advice on how to take care of themselves, pamper themselves, and make certain they have the tools necessary to meet each daily  challenge.

Today’s guest author is  Mollee Bauer,  Founder & General Manager of www.pregnancy.org.

Stress Getting the Best of You? Just Breathe

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

When first introduced to breathing as a relaxation technique, we wonder how something so simple can work.  My favorite story about “breathing” was finding my 10 year-old daughter playing the deep breathing/relaxation CD I’d made to a friend who was spending the night  and having trouble sleeping.  She said, “Just listen–you’ll feel better.”  Fifteen minutes later, they were both asleep.

Deep breathing works so well because we spend so much time physically  and emotionally stressed.  Psychologist Alice Domar states that the average US adult experiences the fight or flight response 50 times daily.  While adaptive for cave-dwelling ancestors running from saber-toothed tigers, the flood of stress chemicals through our bodies makes us edgy, irritable, and more vulnerable to physical and emotional health problems.  Likewise, it results in short, shallow breathing which fuels rather than diminishes the stress response.

The busier we are, the truer this is, especially for moms with small children who already feel physically and emotionally depleted.  The more rundown we are, the more likely the fight-flight response is to trigger.  Research has shown that five minutes of deep breathing several times a day leads to lower stress hormones by day’s end.  Why wait?  If we can delay bedtime to pick up the house, certainly we can take 5 minutes, 3 times a day, to improve our physical and emotional well-being.  Although it may feel strange at first to be still and breathe deeply, it feels good.

This week’s mantra: “I always have my breath to destress.”

Read more.

The Shape of LIVING Self-Care to Come

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

Though the initial 21 day self-care challenge has wrapped up, LIVING self-care is regrouping to inspire you to carry on. Here’s the blueprint:

  • Each Monday, we’ll review a daily tip and discuss ways for you to apply it through the week, day by day.
  • Each Wednesday, we’ll inspire you with words from a  “Challenge Champion,” acquainting you with some of the resources who offer incredible support and information for real women like you.
  • Each Friday, we’ll strive to make you laugh, reinforcing humor as a cornerstone of wellness.
  • Each weekend, we’ll take time off, while we practice self-care ourselves!
  • In between, we’d love to hear from you, with a goal of sharing your successes and dilemmas.

Bit by bit, fifteen minutes at a time, you can build a lasting habit of self-care. To request a PDF of ALL the tips in this first challenge, email ann{at}realmomexperts.com.

Real woman Allison

Be inspired by these testimonials from real women on some of the Challenge Champion sites:

  • Thanks for this challenge!  I sure did learn alot… and now have better ways to cope with the day-to-day.
  • Done.  Great challenge!  I learned a lot, and I WILL remember to take care of myself, too.  🙂
  • Thank you for this challenge! I am going to try to keep myself near the top of my priority list.
  • If only for a moment at a time self care forced me to think of myself in a positive way. Thank You for caring.
  • Thanks–this was fun!
  • Thanks for the inspiration!

    • You Haven’t Missed The Self-Care Challenge

    Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

    Just letting everyone know that although the 21-Day Challenge ends on the 26th, LIVING Self-Care will keep going.  Each week we’ll take a tip from the 21-Day challenge and spend the week blogging about it with tips, comments, articles, links, and videos.  Everything we can think of to help you succeed at making self-care part of your daily routine.

    Several bloggers who’ve just joined are under the impression that the challenge will be over soon, but honestly we’re just beginning.  We’ve discovered these last couple of weeks that many of you made a great start but keeping it up for 21 days was too high a goal.  Don’t be discouraged.  Changing habits involves ups and downs, gains and losses.

    So, we’ll be here for the long haul while we practice right along side you.  We welcome your comments and wisdom as together we build a community of women and moms to help support each other to lead healthier, more balanced lives.  Stick with us and we’ll stick with you.  Remember, making self-care part of your daily routine is a marathon not a sprint.  We can do it!