Tag: Perspective

Confessions of A Recovering Mind-less Eater: The Benefits of Mindful Eating

Posted on by StaceyD in Mondays with Diane

By Diane Sanford

I wanted to follow up on our guest blogger’s Kathleen’s post from Saturday about Mindful Eating and encourage you to read her post (below) if you haven’t already. I have experienced issues with food since my mid-teens. By my mid-twenties while in graduate school, I weighed 40+ pounds more than my ideal body weight. I had gained and lost weight multiple times by then but couldn’t keep it off. Now, few people believe me when I tell them this but it’s true.

To keep the weight off, I had to come to terms with my relationship with food. In turning my attention to my eating, I discovered I was using it to cope with my emotional life and relationships with men. I would eat if I was happy, sad, bored, and mostly stressed. It was my family’s way of dealing with our emotional life. I also ate because every time I became slimmer, more men would be interested in me and I didn’t have the self-esteem then to deal with them assertively.  Although the reasons are slightly different for each of us, they are present. Two wonderful books for exploring this are: Why Weight by Geneen Roth and Fat is A Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach.

As I became aware of what was behind my mind-less eating, I began cultivating a more mindful relationship with food. I learned to distinguish physical hunger from emotional hunger and eat to physically nourish my body. I would eat slowly and intentionally without the distraction of TV, or reading or answering the phone. Just sit there and eat. We didn’t have cell phones or tablets or electronic devices to distract us then but I would include those now.

I learned to chew my food, one bite at a time, and pay attention to the texture and taste. While I’ve always LOVED food, it was much tastier and more satisfying to eat this way. By the end of a meal, I felt physically full not thinking about what I was going to eat next. We didn’t call it mindful eating then but looking back, that’s what I was learning to do.  I found it extremely worthwhile and I know each of you will too whatever your size and weight.

Please read Kathleen’s post just below this one and try the “chocolate kiss” exercise. Let us know how it goes. Remember, we’re in this together. Have a good week. Namaste.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Don’t Forget to Love YOURSELF!

Posted on by StaceyD in February tips

Valentines-Day-Love-Facebook-Timeline-Profile-Cover-Photo

We Can Only Control Ourselves, or NERDS RULE!

Posted on by StaceyD in Thursdays with Stacey

jgreenIt’s no secret that most people make their own stress. We worry over things, which accomplishes nothing, and ruminate about the past, which is equally useless. I’m pretty good at catching myself when I am out in the worry-zone. This is a result of years of practicing present-moment awareness, which is something that I find extremely useful to manage my stress. My daughter, however, is another story.

She is a freshman in high school and a bit of an over-achiever (I have NO idea where she gets THAT from!). My husband and I both have been diagnosed with anxiety disorders, so we made a special effort to raise her in a laid-back atmosphere, which also helped us chill out. She seemed to be pretty mellow until about 6th grade, when the homework increased. And when I say increased, I’m talking going from an hour or so nightly to 4+ hours of homework every night. Part of the reason that happened is because she took many more pre-AP (pre-advanced placement) classes than she had before. This sent her into overdrive in junior high. Her anxiety levels got so high and she was so distressed that we got her some help from a therapist and a psychiatrist. That seemed to help a lot…until high school.

Now, she gets very upset if she makes a low A or (heaven forbid) a B in a class on her report card, progress report or even an individual assignment. I was obviously concerned with this unnecessary standard she has for herself, so I asked her why. She claimed that “everybody” already knew what University they were going to and what they were going to major in. She was worried that she wouldn’t be “good enough” to get into whatever college or University she decided to go to (and yes, she has some choices picked out). All I could think of was my 9th grade self, totally oblivious to colleges and majors. After all, I was a freshman. My college kind of got picked out for me when I was a Senior because I got a free ride to Blinn Junior College for graduating in the top 10% of my class (I still don’t know where that overachiever gene comes from). And even after I transferred to the University of Houston, I changed my major a couple of times. I always thought that college was where you figured out “what you wanted to be when you grew up.”

My daughter tells me that times have changed and that things are just more competitive than they used to be. That may be true; I have seen evidence of it in my readings and from parents of other (and older) high schoolers. But that pressure is nothing compared to what she puts on herself. I have a friend who teaches at my daughter’s high school and she told me that the friends that my daughter hangs out with are the “high stress” crowd. You know, the nerds. While I am proud that my kid has such great taste in friends (Who rules the world? Mean girls? No…NERDS!), their influence seems to be counterproductive to my daughter’s overall stress management.

It’s been my challenge to try and explain this to my sweet girl. Nothing I say seems to get through, to the point of frustration. She knows about present-moment awareness and uses it in extreme anxiety situations. She knows it works. But she won’t or can’t use it when it comes to her future. As a parent, it kills me slowly inside to see my daughter suffering while I hold the key to the “cure.” But I can’t make her take it. She has to get there on her own. The only thing I can do is be supportive of her, answer her questions honestly and tell her that I’m proud of her. Oh yeah, and stay in my own present moment, even if she won’t. I am the adult with more life experience and I know that this, too, shall pass.

Namaste’

nerdfighters

Woman Plans; the Universe Enhances

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Self-Care Month, Thursdays with Stacey

Like most of us, I keep a calendar to make sure that I am aware of my daily appointments and things to do. However, on more days than not, my day ends up looking a lot different than my calendar! The opportunities that the Universe presents are abundant if I just keep my eyes open.

I am active in our local Citizens Police Academy Alumni Association, so I am often up at the Police Department, helping them out with whatever I can. Yesterday, I was up there installing a new computer for our association to use (the old one still had a 3.5″ floppy disk drive in it!). My plans were to visit with a friend afterward.

I was finishing up when an officer came in to the workroom and asked the volunteers present if anyone could help him out with a CIT (Crisis Intervention Training) class that he was teaching that day. He needed two people to role-play mentally ill folks in crisis so that the trainees could practice what they had learned. I called my friend, who was happy to come up and help, and so we ended up helping to train local police officers on how to deal with the mentally ill!

Not only was this a great opportunity to assist the police department, but also a chance to speak up about the stigma of mental illness and give feedback about how we, in the role of someone in a mental crisis, felt we were treated by the officers. The scenario I chose to play out was one of a severely depressed and suicidal new mother. Basically, I was re-visiting my past and got to see what might have happened had my crisis gotten so bad that my husband had called the police.

Being trained police officers, all of the trainees, save one female officer, were lacking empathy and ended up escalating my anger with their approaches rather than making me feel like cooperating. After the role-play, we did a de-briefing in which I got to tell them about how I felt about what they said and did. Only one team even picked up on the fact that not only was I suicidal, but that I had a plan (I kept asking for the time because my “plan” was to walk out into rush hour traffic). It was a wonderful opportunity to educate the officers about subtle clues and essential questions to ask should they come across a woman in that situation.

I left feeling great that not only had I assisted the police department in general, but also educated the class about postpartum depression! My schedule just “happened” to be open that afternoon, allowing me to participate. The Universe does things like that all the time…we just have to pay attention! So, keep your eyes and ears open, evaluate each opportunity that presents itself, and act on the ones that your intuition says “yes” to!

Namaste’

Validation

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in February tips, Self-Care Month, Tuesday Tips

Diane’s video reminded me of one I first saw years ago, before TJ Thyne became famous for his role in Bones. It’s not what I expected, and that’s what’s so great about it. It’s a little over 15 minutes long, but I hope you take these moments for yourself and watch the whole thing. And then maybe pass it on… Namaste.

Guest Blogger Sherry Duson, MA – “Speaking of Time”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Guest blogger, Self-Care Month, Self-Care Saturdays

phpThumb_generated_thumbnailjpgWelcome to Self-Care Month! We’re proud to present our readers with our first Saturday guest blogger, Sherry Duson, MA. Sherry holds Professional Counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist licenses in Texas and she’s also a State of Texas board-certified clinical Supervisor for both licenses. She’s about to expand her practice to include The Center for Postpartum Family Health. You can read more about Sherry at SherryDuson.com or on Facebook.

★

Do you ever find yourself running through your day at a pace that leaves you exhausted?  Are you frantically trying to cram in more errands or mark one more item off of your to-do list, only to find it leaves you depleted and spent?  For most women, our relationship with “time” is a complicated one. This leads me to an item of self-care which I believe is not discussed often enough, which is our conscious use of TIME.  Perhaps it is a remnant of the deeply embedded American work ethic, but many of us corrupt the quality of our days by taking on more to do than is realistic, and then carry a mantra of negative self-talk about not getting enough done.  This year might be a good time to re-think your relationship with time, and make the adjustments necessary to help you feel that you run your day instead of it running you.

I would challenge you to find a pace which is realistic for YOUR UNIQUE SELF, based on an honest assessment of your energy and stamina and a conscious decision to adjust accordingly.  If you have no idea of how much is too much, you may need to start with a little self-discovery.  Begin by taking inventory of your well-being throughout the day. Take a break every two hours and take a quick check of how you are feeling in that moment.  Just give yourself a number on a scale of 1-10. Notice how it changes throughout the day. If you start your day at a high number and then it deteriorates throughout the day, ask yourself why.  The answer is often some sort of self-judgment about your perceived lack of accomplishments.

Once you know a bit more about how you feel during your day, consider the tasks you lay out before you.  Are you asking yourself to conduct your day with a sense of nurture and self-preservation? Or is guilt driving your choices, making you feel badly about every lack of accomplishment? One way to figure this out is to ask yourself what you would say to a good friend if you saw her going through her day at a frantic, maybe even damaging pace. If you really loved your friend, you might say something like, “Wow, you are really hard on yourself! Why don’t you slow down and relax? You don’t have to do it all today. I am concerned about you, and I don’t like seeing you so stressed out!”  Now, consider being your own best friend.  Cultivate that feeling of love and nurturing towards yourself.  Chances are if you can do that, you will be more forgiving and less judgmental about what you do or don’t accomplish.

Finally, ask yourself how you would like to feel at the end of your day.  Do you want to be able to have a little patience and reserve left over for your family and loved ones? If so, it may require altering your day, so that you can do just that.  Connection with others requires some energy and patience.  If you have run yourself ragged all day, chances are nothing will be left over for those you care most about. Make the adjustments necessary to be your “best” self with those who matter most to you.

In closing, I remind us all that an important feature of self-care is to take responsibility of those aspects of our daily lives that we have control over. Your schedule is probably one of those things  Sometimes the reason we over-extend ourselves with commitments and appointments is because we are afraid to ask for help, or can’t admit we are doing too much. Once we set a realistic expectation for our day based on what we know of our personal energy capacity, we need to work to quiet any guilty feelings which accompany it, and tell ourselves that it is okay.  Perfection is not the goal.  Going through the day using a pace that works for us and those we love is a goal worth pursuing!

SNOWPOCALYPSE 2014: Humor for Stress Relief

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursdays with Stacey

For those of you who didn’t know, I live in the Houston, Texas area. The recent “polar vortices,” or SNOWPOCALYPSE, as the satire sites call it, have us Texans all in a bother.

Now, don’t get me wrong; there are many of us who take the cold rather well. But there are also many folks who get goosebumps once the temperature drops below 70F! Add “wintry mix” in the form of sleet, ice, and snow flurries and people down here lose their minds. School districts shut down (which is actually needed, as many buses have to drive on overpasses to get the kids to the schools, which is obviously dangerous when they are iced over), people stay home from work and the streets and freeways look like ghost paths.

Humor is a great way to combat depression and laughter actually helps relieve stress, as it produces hormones such as oxytocin and endorphins, which are our natural feel-good body chemicals. With that statement, here are some chuckles for you from various sites that poke fun at us Texans when the cold weather hits (and unfortunately, many of these ring true):

Articles:

Picture humor:

Where can you experience 4 seasons in 2 days?
Better cancel school!
This is the best we could do.
Temps are dropping…better close Texas!
On the highways…

I had volunteered to work with the Police Department at our city’s annual Winterfest on January 25. I had to report to my station at 8:30am and temperatures were still in the low 30’s, even though it was sunny (and it eventually warmed up nicely). To keep warm, I had a sweater under a fleece hoodie, with a hat under that, gloves and thermals under my jeans. I was told I looked like the Unabomber! The redness under my nose was caused by me constantly blowing it. Yes, even I am not immune to the horror of sub-40 degree temps! 🙂

The real Unabomber
I don’t see a resemblance! 😉

Intuition Helps Solve “Mid-Life” Crises

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursdays with Stacey

I am in the middle of the developmental stage when most Americans hit their “mid-life crisis.” This generally occurs between the ages of 35 – 45 (I am 42). And yes, there is something to the mid-life crisis. Obviously, it isn’t universal, but most people experience a big change or the urge to make a big change during these years. From buying the clichéd red Corvette to changing careers to marriages and divorces, big transformations are often afoot.

I am currently assisting several clients with break-ups of all sorts (marriages, engagements, relationships), total career changes, and a few that are focusing on their “bucket lists,” experiencing now what they said they would, “some day.” The last category is especially exciting to help with, as the client is generally joyous and looking forward to each day, planning travel, visiting family, etc. The break-ups are tough, but on some level, each person knows that what’s happening is for the best in the long run, even though it’s painful now. I can personally identify with the folks making career changes because I am, too!

Don’t worry – I am not going anywhere! I am actually transitioning from counseling to exclusively writing and designing websites. It’s strange to think of “retiring” from a profession at age 42, but the inner voice that Diane referred to on Monday has been directing me to do this for quite some time. I have been listening and stopped taking new clients months ago, but only lately have I started making some real changes, such as designing a website (caution: under construction!) for my new business, updating things on my LinkedIn profile and researching ways to market my services. I’ll admit that it’s a bit scary, but since these actions are aligned with my inner voice, I am confident that I am following the “right” path.

This has happened to me once before, back in 1999 when my daughter was born and I was working in computer science. I had gone through and recovered from postpartum panic disorder and anxiety and felt something tugging at me. After feeling frustrated for a while, knowing I needed a change but not knowing how or what, I had one of those “spiritual experiences” that people talk about here and there. All of a sudden, I had visions of my future flash before my eyes – going back to school, working with addicted persons and then sitting across from a new mother, counseling her as she went through a postpartum mood disorder. These visions lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like longer. Even though I had been shown the path, it took me a while to find the school (I got in by the skin of my teeth because someone turned down one of the 20 spots offered per year). I got a job immediately after school working with drug trials to help addicted people stop using. And in 2004, I opened the doors of my private practice, where I specialized in postpartum mood disorders.

Here it is 10 years later and my inner voice is telling me what my next move needs to be. My mid-life crisis may involve a big change, but I am confident that I am doing what is best for me. The good news for YOU is that you have an inner voice, too! You don’t have to meditate or chant to hear it, though those things work for some people. There are simple techniques you can use to “tune in” to your intuitive self and have major questions answered!

  • Use the breath. Breathe in slowly and ask your question silently. Breathe out and listen for your answer. Make sure you are in a quiet, peaceful environment and are as relaxed as possible. You may have to repeat this several times, but the answer will come if you’re listening!
  • Trust your “hunches” and “gut feelings.” If you have a vague, bad feeling about something, then that is your inner voice telling you that is not a good choice for you! Conversely, if you feel “right” about your decision, path or choice, then it is a good thing!
  • Use a pen and paper or computer. Start writing about the situation you are in and then let go of controlling which words you write or type. Just write down whatever comes to mind. Journaling can take you from Point A to Point Z in a few minutes!
  • Work in your sleep. Before going to bed at night, take a few minutes to think about your situation. Then tell yourself that you intend to work it out in your dreams. When you wake up, immediately write down anything that comes to mind.
  • Do not listen to your ego-driven thoughts. These are the thoughts that cause confusion instead of clarity. Anything that is judgmental or starts with, “What if…” is definitely an ego-driven thought! Intuitive messages usually appear in your mind as images or you feel them in your gut or heart.

I hope that you’ll find one or more of these suggestions helpful! If you’re facing a “crisis” and have always wanted to try meditating, this would be a good time to start. For more information on meditation, visit http://www.how-to-meditate.org/.

Media-Driven Mental Health Stigma: How We Can Help Stop It

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Mental Health Education, Thursdays with Stacey

I was not feeling well recently and so I had time to catch up on my “guilty pleasure” reading. In the December 23, 2013 issue of Star Magazine, there was a long article called, “Olivia Newton-John: No Regrets.” I’ve liked Olivia since I saw Grease when I was a kid, so I took the time to read it.

The paragraphs under the heading “Tragic Turns” mentioned Ms. Newton-John’s divorce in 1995, adding that, “She later admitted to undergoing therapy after the divorce.” Further down the page, the article reported that her partner of 9 years post-divorce disappeared during a fishing trip and that, “Olivia has admitted to taking anti-depressants during the dark period that followed. ‘I took them until I could see the light again and never did them again,’ she said.”

Is it just me or do you get a certain message “between the lines” because of the language that was used? The World English Dictionary defines admit as, “To confess or acknowledge (a crime, mistake, etc).” Basically, that means to acknowledge something negative. And when someone says they “never did [a drug] again,” it generally alludes to a dangerous or illegal substance, right? In any case, it sounds very negative once again.

Unfortunately, this is not the only media outlet to use language like this. The January 13, 2014 issue of People Magazine featured a 3-page spread about “America’s Dumbest Criminals.” The first on the list was Hannah Sabata, a young woman who robbed a bank and stole a car, then proceeded to make a video about it and upload it to YouTube. On the surface, it does sound not-so-bright; however, further down the paragraph, it was stated that Sabata was mentally ill. She was quoted as saying, “…I was just manic…” This may mean that she suffers from Bipolar Disorder. In a manic state, people deal with impulsivity and dangerous behaviors. It’s not because they’re dumb; it’s because they are ill.

So what can we do when we come across things like this? I took the time to email letters to the editors of both magazines. I don’t know if they’ll be printed or not, but they probably will be read by someone. Perhaps that will create a ripple effect. I am also canceling my subscription to People (the Star magazine was given to me by someone else). I cannot in good conscience support a magazine that perpetuates the stigma.

If you’re tired of the media making self-care, self-help, therapy and psychiatry out to be shameful, then take a stand. When you come across something like the examples above, please take some time to write to the editor, contact the station manager or webmaster. If one single person hears you, then perhaps eventually the whole country will.

Blessings to you and yours!

Striving for Underachievement

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursdays with Stacey

In honor of my “sick day,” I am re-posting an oldie but goodie! Enjoy! – Stacey

Have you noticed that we live in an achievement-oriented society (at least those of us in the U.S.)? Many people feel like they are wasting time if they are not producing, attaining or completing something. It can get exhausting at times! Sometimes the only occasion we give ourselves a break is on vacation – and many times even those are meticulously planned out to the minute, leaving little real relaxation time.

When is the last time that you aspired to “underachieve?” I’m talking about taking a day off to do “nothing” like watching TV, movies, reading a book, staying in your pajamas, eating ice cream? Have a day to turn off your phone and computer, to not do any errands or chores, take a nap or go within? When is the last time you were able to take a whole day to “play it by ear?” I hope your answer involves some time recently, but if it doesn’t, why not try “underachievement” soon? When you give yourself permission to not do anything productive, there’s no reason to feel guilty. You may, however, feel a little pampered – and that’s generally a pretty good feeling!