self care tips for women

They Grow Up So Fast

Posted on June 7, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

It is almost noon and I am sitting here waiting for my teenage girl to wake up. It is now summer break, and she takes advantage of catching up on her sleep deficit. As I sit here, I’m feeling nostalgic and a little bit sad.

Yesterday, the kiddo and I made plans to spend the day together. It’s my day off and it seems like I don’t see her very often. She’s really good about doing all her chores and so her reward is being allowed to visit friends. And visit she does! I know her friends now know her much better than I do, thus the sadness.

I remember when she couldn’t wait to spend time with me. She was always a “momma’s girl” and really still is in a lot of ways. I know in my heart that this is what happens developmentally: adolescents focus more on their peers than on their parents. She’s developing her individuality. She’s proving the idea that “they grow up so fast.” But who says I have to like it?

This is our challenge, moms! We have to move into acceptance as our children grow up. It is our job to teach them and guide them so we can feel confident about them eventually going out into the big, bad world. There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or whatever else you may feel. Just make sure you don’t let yourself go down the “hurt” road. Your child is not trying to hurt you on purpose; he/she is doing his/her job, which is growing up and launching him/herself out into the world. You don’t have to like it, but just know that’s how it is. Accept this and look back at all the things you and your partner have given your children: lessons learned, guidance, being there through sickness or emotional issues, and letting them know that you will always be here if they need you. That, my friends, is how it’s supposed to be!

How the Universe Conspires to Help Us

Posted on June 4, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in June Tips, Monday Musings

When I was brainstorming today about a topic for my post, my older daughter and her friend suggested I talk about “accepting help” and how I finally have a new website thanks to Kay Murray my talented web designer. Since we’ve been discussing the value of support, this seemed perfect and then it occurred to me. The story of my meeting Kay goes beyond receiving support to how the universe conspires to “help us” when we make our intentions known.

For years, I’ve been trying to revise my website without success. I spoke with several designers who didn’t work out in addition to realizing I couldn’t do it myself. I didn’t know where else to turn so I stopped looking. Then last December I was sitting at the auto license bureau waiting to renew my license when I overheard a conversation. Two young women were discussing plans for their new businesses and one was a web designer.

Because I’ve learned to listen when the universe speaks, I turned around immediately, apologized for interrupting, and asked the web designer about possibly working with me. Kay and I met a few weeks later and decided to move ahead. In May, my new website launched and I can’t thank her enough for her wonderful design and tech skills (which I do not have) and mentoring me.

Now besides livingselfcare.com, you can visit me at www.drdianesanford.com. The site is designed for moms and health providers and allows you to download my book and relaxation CD. Please stop by and let me know what you think.

This week, make your intentions known so the universe can help you. You never know what may happen.

P.S. A neighbor just stopped by to tell me my book was reviewed in a paper I’d thrown away. Click here for the story.

Be Your Own Advocate

Posted on May 31, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

What a great Self-Care Challenge we had! Thank you to all who participated! Diane and I will announce winners and prizes next week, as I am on my way to a training today. We put ourselves first, and instead of rushing and scrambling to get things out this week, we are moving it back. It is always our hope to be good role models for you!

As I write this, I am in the Emergency Room at a hospital in the Houston Medical Center with a good friend who fell ill this morning. As I talk to various healthcare professionals, it struck me just how important advocating for your own healthcare is. Not only do we need to supply information, but we need to ASK for information. If a doctor or nurse wants to treat you with something, it is your right to ask them exactly what they are doing. If you don’t want that treatment or if you have questions about an alternate treatment, speak up!

It’s only natural to feel at the mercy of a doctor. Our society teaches that folks such as doctors, lawyers, police and teachers are authority figures who can’t be questioned. The truth is that your healthcare team is actually working for YOU. Use critical thinking and ask questions; try to get past any feelings of intimidation. And if someone is rude or mistreats you, make sure you take action by reporting that person to their supervisors or filing a complaint with a Patient Liason.

Hopefully you won’t see the inside of a hospital anytime soon, but if you do, remember that YOU come first!

To read more, check out this article from The Hospitals and Health Networks.

It’s Memorial Day-Let’s Show Our Support for Each Other

Posted on May 28, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

During the self-care challenge last week, several of you commented on the posts about support from other women. Because this is so key to self-care, we wanted to share them.

“When I was a first time mom, reaching out to other moms via moms groups, support groups and early childhood meetings was invaluable! Knowing that these other moms were struggling and questioning themselves about their parenting abilities, made me feel so much better! Another step I took that helped me to become more positive and confident was to write down the “positives” of the day, this would help dispel the “negatives” that would instantly enter my head in certain situations. Both of these actions were simple ways of taking caring of myself.”-Linda Meyer, Executive Director, Mother to Mother Phone Support Program. For info and support, call 1-800-644-7001.

The tip I’ve been trying to practice is #8: Nourishing relationships with family and friends. As a new mom and someone new to the area, it’s been important to me to reach out to other women for support and friendship. I’ve been able to do this by joining the Mother to Mother postpartum depression support group and by taking several parenting classes. I’ve never been the type to reach out and ask for friendships, but in this case, I realized that if I didn’t take a bold step to fast track these relationships, that they might take a long time to cultivate. There was this one lady in the support group that I felt a particularly strong connection with the first time I met her, so I invited her to come visit me. She did, and we’ve been great friends ever since. Now that I look back on my life, I wish I had taken the initiative to pursue more friendships by asking people to my home or suggesting activities we could do together. I guess this old dog has learned a new trick!-Jennifer, mom of 7 month-old at home after 17-year career.

Self-Care Challenge Day 5: Interior/Exterior

Posted on May 25, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

I never understood – in fact, I always had a problem with – airline instructions of putting on an oxygen mask on yourself first, then on to others … that is not until Saturday when my friend came over. The more she talked, the more apparent it became that she was stretched so thin and was so frazzled in her pursuit of perfection at work and parenting, that she was miserable. Then it clicked; she needed to put her oxygen mask on first. She needed to take care of herself first to be better in other areas of her life…but so do I. May is my month of improvement. I didn’t pick one technique; I chose all and try (and I say try) every day to remind myself that all these things were important – I was putting on my oxygen mask first.

I was so thrilled to be asked to write a guest post as I feel strongly in women’s self care. Since my blog, adetailedhouse.com, expresses my love of interior design, what better place than to start at home? A warm, welcoming retreat has a ripple effect in one’s overall well-being and life. Even animals need their dens and nests. I find the atmosphere in my home the most essential thing to my ability to relax. Chaos in my space unwittingly leads to chaos in my mind. Colors, styles, textures, art and tastes are very personal and each person has a visceral reaction to them. The key is finding what speaks to you so you can be soothed mentally, physically and spiritually.

I’d like to give a visual of what I mean, but without commentary so that you can feel the rooms and see what you respond to:

Lewis2 — Whitest whites

Pale and soothing

Lewis1 — Whitest whites

Pale and soothing

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Our guest blogger, Kearney, is the author of A Detailed House, a blog that shares tips and anecdotes about interior design and life with 2 young daughters.

Self-Care Challenge Day 4: Support and Positive Thinking

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

As a first-time mom of a 16-month-old daughter, this past year has been the most rewarding, challenging and exhausting of my life. From the time my precious R was born, we have struggled with sleep issues. First, she woke every hour letting us know that being put down was overrated. The next few months she could only sleep while breastfeeding which usually resulted in my being pinned to a chair (or bed) with my breast in R’s mouth. By month 7 we saw a sleep specialist, made some changes and things improved with occasional setbacks.

But this post isn’t about sleep training or my complaints, it’s about how I’ve taken care of myself during this year plus of sleep deprivation. The answer is two-fold: First, I created a network of support for myself that I rely on when I feel like I can’t go on and second, I think positively.

I cannot stress the importance of having a network of other moms. Whether it’s to say aloud, “I am so tired and I just don’t think I can go on like this” or “What did you do when your baby didn’t sleep?”- the support I have gotten from other women- some I know well and others I don’t- has been invaluable. It makes me feel stronger knowing that these women are there for me. What a treasure!

Thinking positively has also helped. When my friend’s babies started sleeping through the night at eight weeks and I was up 3-4 times a night and R wouldn’t nap anywhere but on me, I reminded myself to savor our cuddles and time together. Now when she wakes at 6 am, I think how lucky I am to take a walk with her before I go to work. Refocusing my attention on our “precious moments” gives me the energy to face the day.

Taking care of myself is good for my precious R because it makes me a better mommy.

Jessica is a first-time mom, LCSW and creator of the moms’ community on Facebook mamaSpace where you can to connect with other mamas. Reach Jessica at info@mamaspace.net.

Self-Care Challenge Day 3: Healthy Relationships

Posted on May 23, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips

As we like to say at livingselfcare.com, “Self-Care is like chocolate. You can never have enough.” During this week’s self-care challenge we’ll bring you daily tips and inspiration with a chance to win prizes that pamper. Click here to learn more.

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Just like we wear many “hats,” we maintain many different types of relationships: kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends. Sometimes it’s easy to avoid or ignore a relationship and let it die. At times, it’s essential to cut ties with people who are unhealthy for you. But what about the people we love, but won’t interact with?

Relationships die for many reasons. Conflict is a big factor in this. I have a friend who moved several years ago. She go that far; her home is just a few hours away (can you tell I live in Texas yet?). But I don’t know what’s going on in her life anymore and she doesn’t know about mine.

This is a woman I’ve known for 15 years. We used to talk about everything and help each other out whenever needed. What happened to us? We had a big argument right after she moved. Neither one of us would budge. Now I feel sad every time I think of her.

I’m afraid to call her. “What if she hates me?” I always think. Most likely this is a distorted thought. I know that if she called me, I would be glad to hear from her. So, I am going to make that call today.

I urge you to reconnect with anyone that is special to you who you have avoided due to conflict. It can be scary to face but most of the time, anger dissolves into relief once you take the steps to reach out.

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For more tips on how to preserve relationship health, check out our friend Mollee Bauer. Mollee is founder of pregnancy.org, a site which offers great advice on pre-conception, pregnancy and post-birth mind-body health. She’s also one of our Challenge Champions!

Self-Care Challenge Day 2: The Mind-Body Connection

Posted on May 22, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

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Welcome to The Self-Care Challenge, Day 2! These guest entries focus on the mind/body connection reminding us that what goes on in our minds has a significant impact on our bodies, whether we are aware of it or not!

Our first self-care tip was written by my (Stacey’s) mother, Nancy Lawrence. I cherish the talks we have, as she always has wise words of advice for me – when I ask for it! My mom has never pushed her ideas or advice on me, and I have always been grateful for her giving me the space I need to make mistakes and then helping me learn from them. Here’s her entry:

The difference between a thoughtful word and a thoughtless word is the difference between a lightning bug and a lightning strike. One word or phrase can uplift or beat down. Take the word “failure” for example. If you hear this word and it pertains to you, in that moment you have to make a choice.

Failure doesn’t exist, really. It’s always a lesson on what won’t work and the opportunity to alter your thinking to find out what does work. After all, we’d have no light bulbs if Edison had thrown in the towel! In the brief seconds after hearing a thoughtless word, the choice is yours: hang your head and feel awful; or find the lesson or the “silver lining.” There always is one!

Our second self-care tip is from Sue Suardi, a friend of Diane’s. If you ever find yourself talking yourself out of going to the gym (or running or skipping yoga class…), come back here and read Sue’s wonderful tip:

My friends and co-workers ask me why after a long day of work I bother working out. I do it for myself. I believe working out is not only healthy for me but also a release of the stress from the day. Working out is not a chore for me but a gift to myself. Sweating is a sweet release!

What great advice for our minds and our bodies! Stay tuned for more tips during our Self-Care Challenge Week!

Self-Care Starts with You-Let the Challenge Begin!

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

The tip I’ve chosen to talk about from our Top Ten Tips Plus Two is #6-“Accept yourself and others wholly.” To love one’s self unconditionally, both strengths and limitations, may be one of the biggest challenges most of us face. Without self-acceptance, it’s impossible to feel secure, peaceful and accepting of others.

Exercise: Five Minutes for Yourself (from Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide):

Try to remember a day in your life when you felt happy, peaceful, and self-confident. It doesn’t matter if the memory is recent or from long ago. If you don’t have an actual memory to draw on, imagine what a day like this would look like. Are there people around or are you alone? Are you at the beach, in an office, on stage, snuggled in bed? Picture as vividly as possible the details of your surroundings. Use all five senses—identify sounds, smells, tastes, textures, and colors. Now pay attention to what your body feels like on this wonderful day. What is your breathing like? Can you feel your heartbeat? Are your shoulders relaxed? Can you feel your happiness clear to the tips of your fingers?

Now take a mental snapshot of this scene. You can return here whenever you need to take a break, whenever you need to feel refreshed and renewed. It only takes a few minutes. You only have to close your eyes and look at the snapshot again. It will all come flooding back to you: the sounds, colors, tastes, textures, and smells; the feelings of happiness, peace, and self-confidence radiating out into each part of your body. No one can take this away from you. It’s yours to keep and to draw on whenever you are in need.

Practice accepting your unique, wonderful self all week long. Remember, “progress not perfection” is the goal.

Self-Care Challenge Starts Monday

Posted on May 19, 2012 by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips

Are you ready to live self-care? We hope so and our May 21-25 self-care challenge/contest will provide you with the tools and encouragement you need to get started or keep going if you’ve already begun.

Each May and October, we at livingselfcare.com offer a week long contest/challenge to help you make self-care part of your life. For our May 21-25 2012 challenge, we are asking you to take a look at Diane’s List of Ten Plus Two and choose a technique that you either already use or would like to try out. Then write a brief paragraph letting us know what you did and how it worked for you and email it to Stacey. Your submission qualifies you for our prize giveaway which includes a massage envy gift certificate, pedicure kit, Amazon gift certificate and more.

Our Challenge is not a competition. Instead, it is designed to encourage and support women as they move themselves to the top of their lists in order to support themselves as well as they do others.

We will also be tweeting and posting about how we’re doing personally with practicing our favorite self-care tips during the challenge/contest at www.twitter.com/realmomexperts and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/livingselfcare. Remember, progress, not perfection, is the goal!

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