Tag: coping with stress

Racing to “Nowhere”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I was fortunate enough to see a screening of the independent film, Race to Nowhere. The filmmakers interviewed students, teachers and parents from across the country to gauge the stress levels of our nation’s families. If you have kids, particularly in grades 6 – 12, you probably already know how overworked and overscheduled our children are. But have you given thought to the ramifications of their stress on you?

The film suggested that some schools and families started worrying about getting into a good college as early as first grade! And in order to do that, the student must have spectacular grades, many extracurricular activities, student clubs and community service projects. You may be aware of how much time you’re spending in the car or working on homework with your kids, but have you noticed that their stress levels are sometimes fueled by us, as parents?

Whether you work or stay at home, you have a full-time job. You’re already stressed enough. The film pointed out that time spent doing homework has increased from 1 – 2 hours per night prior to 6th grade to 4 – 6 hours between grades 6 – 12. They also pointed out that after 1 – 2 hours, the correlation between amount of homework and academic achievement is zero.

Are We Running Our Kids Ragged?

Step back from your kids for a minute. No, you can’t directly control how much homework they have, but you do have a say in what clubs, extracurriculars and community projects they are involved in. Do you see anything that can be dropped from their schedules? Are they in some activity because they “should” instead of because they “want to”? If so, I challenge you to talk with your student about paring down his or her daily schedule. Not only will their stress levels go down, but so will yours. And self-care for the entire family will go up!

Peace!
Stacey

Calm Your “Inner Lizard”: Meet Your “Inner Wizard”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Monday Musings

Since returning from vacation a week ago, my brain is not fully engaged but I wanted to share an experience I had which helped connect me with who I am behind my social roles (mom, wife, daughter, career woman), worries, and fears. Before I left, I was re-listening to Martha Beck’s Steering By Starlight in which she discusses how much we’re controlled by our “lizard”/emotional brain, which broadcasts fears of warning and dread constantly. She even suggests you name your “inner lizard” although I haven’t come up with a fitting enough choice yet.

Anyway, I’ve always wanted to visit a shaman and participate in a sweat lodge where you literally sweat out physical and mental stress but never had the opportunity. While on vacation, one of the excursions went to do just that. How lucky can one gal get?

Instead of excitement though, my “lizard”started sounding the alarm. “Danger. Danger. Danger. Don’t go. You won’t last and then you’ll humiliate yourself when you have to leave. Worst than that, you could pass out. Even worse, you could have a heart attack in a remote part of the jungle and not leave alive.” You get the picture.

However, I’ve been practicing meditation for the last five years, and mindfulness more recently, and my “wizard”/observing self was able to recognize that my fearful thoughts were unfounded or at least unproven. So, I decided to go to the sweat lodge with the shaman and discover for myself what would happen. Tune in next Monday to find out what I learned.

This week, be mindful of when your “inner lizard” is running the show and as Beck describes your “Top 10 Tunes” of fear and worry. Write them down on a piece of paper and notice when they occur. Then name your lizard so you can learn to tame it. Let us know what you come up with.

Hello, It’s Nice to Meet Me!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I just had the pleasure of seeing the movie 1,000 Words, starring Eddie Murphy, with my daughter. I wasn’t sure what to expect – a physical, bawdy comedy or a dramatic life lesson. Let’s say it was a good mix of the two – I recommend it!

The movie got me thinking about the masks we wear for others, and sometimes, even for ourselves. Fans of meditation will tell you that you truly do not know yourself until you have gone deep within and faced whatever demons lie in wait for you there. Thomas Moore called it, “The dark night of the soul.” You, the hero or heroine, then emerge all shiny and new and genuine.

I’m not sure how many methods there are to meeting your True Self; besides meditation, I’ve used imagery and yoga. My max time in sitting meditation has been maybe 5 minutes, so you see the problem there. But the movie renewed a strong desire in me to really find out who I am…me…not my job, my masks or the many hats I wear…ME.

What a great way to renew your spirit this Spring – to finally meet The Real You! At the very least, you’ll be amazed at just how many masks you do wear for others as well as yourself. And when you get some quiet, alone time, can you sit in silence, just with your breathing keeping you company? Or do you need the TV or radio on, or do you have to be reading something, keeping your mind in “escape mode?” We constantly distract ourselves from ourselves and don’t even realize it!

TRYING to meditate!

So give it a try! Leave a comment if you’re a veteran meditator or let me know how it’s going if you’re going to give one (or more!) of these methods a try!

Spring (Give Me a) Break!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Hey, parents! What time is it? SPRING BREAK TIME! “What gave it away?” you ask. Yes, the students are bouncing off of the walls, but that’s not it. What alerts me are the bleary-eyed looks I get from parents when I mention the one-week school vacation.

Spring Break was designed to give students and teachers a rest from the rigors of the second half of the school year. Families sometimes take advantage of this time to go on trips and spend time together. But do we really do what we want to over the Break or are we too focused on doing what others are doing?

“Maria’s family is going to Disneyland,” my daughter reported one year after I told her we had no plans for Spring Break. I felt a twinge of guilt (synonym for mother) and inferiority when I thought about what Maria’s parents had planned for their family trip. In fact, most of my daughter’s friends were going out of town for at least part of the week. We were staying home, much to my kiddo’s chagrin.

When the week was over, Maria’s mom came by. I noticed the bags under her eyes and her eyelids at half-mast as she described their “incredibly fun” trip. “So, you’d recommend that we go some time?” I asked as she got up to leave. She stopped, turned to look directly at me and said, “I’d recommend that you do what you want to do. ‘Cuz doing what everybody else wants to do sucks.”

http://www.pearlandtherapy.com

I couldn’t have said it better myself! This Spring Break, ask yourself what it is that YOU want and need. Maybe it is a trip to Disneyland, but chances are, you and your family need a little rest and relaxation. And no matter how fun an amusement park is, it promotes anything but rest. The idea is to return to school and work feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, so give yourself a Break and make it happen!

Regretfully Yours…

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in March Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Dictionary.com defines regret as “a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.” When I hear people speak of their regrets, they are usually thinking about their pasts. But we all know that we can’t change the past and we can’t predict the future. So, what function do regrets really have?

Author Rory Cochrane once said, “I do not regret the things I’ve done, but those I did not do.” So whether you’re thinking of something you wish you hadn’t done or maybe something you wish you had, regret can function as a guide for present-moment decisions. And all we have is the gift of right now – that’s why it’s called the “present.”

Personally, I can honestly say I have no regrets. I’m one of those people that believe that everything happens for a reason, so what is there to regret? The Cochrane quote really had a big impact on me the first time I read it. I have been an anxious person most of my life, and was allowing the fear to make my world smaller and smaller. Reading that quote made something “click” in my head and helped me say “yes” to things that I wanted to do but usually would have said “no” to out of fear of the unknown.

Are there things that you regret? Perhaps there’s a person that you’d like to reconnect with or a situation that you can correct. Today is the first day of March. While Spring doesn’t officially start until the 20th, why not start anew today? Fix the things you can and work on letting go of the things you can’t. Regret, like guilt, can be an excellent motivator, but hanging onto it too long is just a waste of precious energy.

School is Now in Session!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

As a mom of two teenagers and a toddler, organization and routine is important to decrease stress and maintain a healthy balance in my home.

Below are some ways
that I do this:

Schedule family time:  Allow your children to help plan a weekly family night.  An example is renting videos and watching them at home with favorite movie snacks to enjoy.  During family night, rules should be established, such as no texting or taking phone calls.

Choose chores:  Because everyone’s schedules are busier now, it is helpful to have a family meeting where everyone can decide which chores they will be responsible for.

Homework:  By providing your children a calendar and having one for yourself, both of you can jot down any special dates and scheduled tests.   Staying organized is the key to a successful school year!

Observe child’s behavior:   Be mindful of any changes in behavior, sleep, and eating behaviors.

Offer support and solutions:  Be your child’s strongest advocate.  Reach out to teacher s and counselors to help you and your child.

Listen:  Use car rides home and dinner time to talk with your child.

Real Mom Lisa

Today’s guest author is Lisa Salazar, MA, LMFT, LPC who is a licensed marriage and family therapist.  She has been married for 18 years and has 3 children.   Books in the Burbs is a blog that Lisa maintains to write book reviews.

Self-Care Contest Challenge Starts Oct.2: Fill ‘Er Up

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

In our book Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide about adjusting to life post-birth, we say “Self-care now is just as essential to being the best mother you can be as was taking vitamins, exercising, and getting prenatal care while you were pregnant.  To be a good mom, you must be good to yourself first, physically and emotionally.  To aim for a balance between yours and others’ needs. It’s best to tackle this issue now, because it’s one you’ll be facing for the rest of your life.”

Whether you’re a new mom or not, self-care is essential to health and well-being.  Again from our book, “A pitcher of water provides a clear demonstration of what we mean. Imagine that you are a pitcher of water.  You keep pouring out, giving and giving as you take care of the needs of those around you: baby, children, partner, family, friends and pets. If you do not take action to fill the pitcher up again, pretty soon it will be empty.  No one is a bottomless pitcher. What do you need in order to fill up the pitcher again?”

With the self-care challenge/contest only 2 weeks away, we want you to notice your current self-care practices and when you feel depleted or nourished.  Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me.  If I am only for myself, what am I?  If not now, when?”  Need help? We’re only a comment away.

 

3 Weeks Until Fall Self-Care Contest/Challenge: Let’s Get This Party Started

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Press Release

In the midwest where I live, there are definite signs that fall is upon us. Leaves are turning and days are growing shorter. Summer vacation is over, children are back in school and the air is buzzing with activity. Fall also signals impending holiday madness with too little time to get things done.

Which is why self-care is so important now and the reason we chose Mental Health Week (October 2-8) for our bi-annual self-care challenge/contest. We want to remind you to conserve some your energy now, like squirrels gathering acorns, to have enough for what’s ahead. Most of the tips in our contest/challenge take only 10-15 minutes but the resulting good feelings last much longer.

Last week, I spoke to Darline Turner of MamasOnBedrest about how moms/women can take better care of themselves whatever circumstances they find themselves in. Check out our podcast by clicking here. Darline is a champion for women’s health and said that she learned firsthand, like many of us, about the importance of self-care after becoming a mom.

Prior to the normal post-birth upheaval, her pregnancy journey was very stressful, which puts women even more at risk for postpartum issues. However, whether momss or not, women still have twice the depression men experience. For women,  self-care cannot be ignored.

Join us for our contest/challenge, 10/2-8. We’ll have more prizes, free downloads, and great advice. Meanwhile we still have Godiva Chocolates to give away. Find 5 friends to subscribe to our blog, livingselfcare, and you could be this week’s winner!

“Mommy Entrepeneur’s Recipe for Divalysscious Success”-Part 2

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

As the owner of Divalysscious Moms, a luxury lifestyle company for mothers and families, and the mother of two young children (Jackson, 7, and Oliver, 4), I am frequently asked how I balance motherhood, business and “me” time.  Here are my recommended ingredients.

1. Children Come First. That means any emails or calls can wait until the children are settled. When your children feel secure, everything works better.

2. Prioritize. Start your work before your children wake. Lessen your pain with a jumbo cup of coffee!

3. Have a routine.  Having breakfast with my boys, taking them to school, eating together, reading and snuggle-time are crucial.

4.  Have a “Mommy Time Out”.   Moms who run their own businesses also need “time out.”  As they say if mom isn’t happy, no one is. Take ten minutes to meditate, get a massage, or phone a friend to rejuvenate and preserve your sanity.

5.  Delegate.  Being a mom and business owner gives you the right to delegate, which means surrounding yourself with a team of positive, dedicated, high energy people.  My husband is my biggest supporter. We both work, and we make our schedules coordinate with the kids’ as best we can. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! It’s always better than having a meltdown.

Follow these tips and you will be an uber Divalysscious Mom. Remember, making yourself a priority is not something to feel guilty about! Happy moms make happy kids.

Today’s author is Lyss Stern, founder and CEO of Divalysscious Moms. Also on Facebook and Twitter.

Running On Empty? Fill Up With Meditation and Godiva Chocolate

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

There are many ways to self-nourish. Two of our favorites are meditation and chocolate. The past three weeks, we’ve been following the Chopra Center’s 21-day summer meditation challenge, listening for one to share here. Last Wednesday it was on “Make Yourself A Priority” and we thought, “That’s the one.” Before meditating, the instructor spoke about how most people don’t take time for self-care and it struck us again how widespread this problem is.

Click on this link to listen- http://www.chopracentermeditation.com/bestsellers/Meditation_Summer/Meditation_Summer.asp?id=5861.

Now, for the chocolate. To celebrate our almost first birthday which is October 9, we’re sponsoring a contest for our current and new subscribers. Because we want our October self-care contest/challenge to be the best yet, we’re asking that any subscriber get ten other friends, family, co-workers, etc. to join our blog, and we’ll enter you in a random weekly drawing for a box of Godiva chocolates for the month of September.

Winners will be chosen each Sunday and announced the following Monday. If you’ve never tasted Godiva chocolates, you’re in for a treat and if you have, you know how irresistable they are. For any new subscriber you recruit, have them leave your name in our comment box so you get credit.

We’re also asking you to give us your recommendations for favorite woman-or-mom-related blogs and websites, so we can include them in the October contest/self-care challenge.  This will help ensure that we continue to provide what you want.

And remember, “Self-care is like chocolate, you can never have enough!”