Tag: healthy relationships

Fall’s Here! Time to Reflect and Reconnect

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Back in the day before electricity lit our lives up year round, fall’s longer nights and cooler weather prompted us to move indoors and spend less time engaged in the hubbub of daily life. It was a time of rest and restoration. Harvest was ending and families huddled together preparing for winter’s onset.

Today we’re often too busy to even notice the leaves turning but we can change this. This week, take 15 minutes to go outside in the morning to smell the fall air. Notice the the trees, their leaves, and how effortlessly they let go. If you live in the city, pay attention to how outdoors feels different than last month. Stop to reflect on nature slowing down.

Then choose another day to write down what you’d like to let go of. Put each on a  slip of paper. Maybe it’s guilt over a mistake or pushing yourself too hard. Just write whatever comes up without judging or censoring. At the end of the week, take all you’ve written and burn them one by one, releasing them from your soul. Fall is an excellent time to release the old to make way for the new.

You can also do this with your family/friends. Give each person slips of paper to note what they’re ready to discard and burn them together. Reflect and reconnect with yourself and others, creating space for what you do want to enter your life like the trees shedding their leaves for new growth.

School is Now in Session!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

As a mom of two teenagers and a toddler, organization and routine is important to decrease stress and maintain a healthy balance in my home.

Below are some ways
that I do this:

Schedule family time:  Allow your children to help plan a weekly family night.  An example is renting videos and watching them at home with favorite movie snacks to enjoy.  During family night, rules should be established, such as no texting or taking phone calls.

Choose chores:  Because everyone’s schedules are busier now, it is helpful to have a family meeting where everyone can decide which chores they will be responsible for.

Homework:  By providing your children a calendar and having one for yourself, both of you can jot down any special dates and scheduled tests.   Staying organized is the key to a successful school year!

Observe child’s behavior:   Be mindful of any changes in behavior, sleep, and eating behaviors.

Offer support and solutions:  Be your child’s strongest advocate.  Reach out to teacher s and counselors to help you and your child.

Listen:  Use car rides home and dinner time to talk with your child.

Real Mom Lisa

Today’s guest author is Lisa Salazar, MA, LMFT, LPC who is a licensed marriage and family therapist.  She has been married for 18 years and has 3 children.   Books in the Burbs is a blog that Lisa maintains to write book reviews.

Sex Is Good for Our Brains-Who Knew???

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

According to a recent article by Dr. Oz, sex has some of the same stress-relieving benefits as exercise. In a recent animal study, they found that daily sexual experiences over two-weeks, reduced the release of cortisol, a major stress hormone, increased the brain’s ability to create and support new brain cells, and decreased anxietylike behavior.

Sound like good news? It would be except many women report losing their interest and desire for sex as they get older, and especially once they become moms. Likewise, negative messages they learned growing up may intensify their lack of libido.

For women, sexual desire derives from emotional as well as physical chemistry. Women want to feel an emotional connection with their partners, and when this is absent as often happens over time especially when raising a family, sexual interest diminishes. Midlife is a time when men and women often turn to affairs to  rekindle the spark they once felt with their original partner. However, once the honeymoon ends with the new partner, sexual desire may fade too.

The solution is that we must nourish our relationships with our current partners like we do our children, friends or anyone we love. Then emotional intimacy kindles desire and physical intimacy kindles an emotional connection. And the added benefit, sex is good for our brains. Who Knew???

I’m writing a new book about hormones, libido/desire and intimacy in women. If you have questions or would like to share your stories, please comment or e-mail realmomexperts@gmail.com.

Free Yourself to Be Yourself: Mary Oliver’s “The Journey”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

To continue the theme of examining your life from Monday’s post, we wanted to share a favorite poem “The Journey” by Mary Oliver in which she describes how ultimately we must abide by our “inner voice” if we are to survive. Imagine our delight when we discovered this is also Maria Shriver’s favorite poem which she presented for National Poetry Day at the 2011 Women’s Conference.

So sit back, relax (well maybe) and enjoy the following rendition of “The Journey.” Then let us know what you think. Is this too radical to imagine or not? If so, what may be standing in your way? What would it take to free yourself to be yourself?

“The Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  When asked to refrain from teaching this, he chose to end his life by drinking hemlock. For the last few weeks, this phrase keeps coming up in conversation which prompted me to write about it.

How does examining one’s life relate to self-care? Because part of self-care is learning to listen to our “inner voice” and become clear about who we are and what is truly nourishing. Not in a self-centered way but a self-respectful one. However, in today’s frenetic, “need to do one more thing” culture, we often don’t slow down and get quiet enough to hear what our “inner voice” is saying.

Likewise, it’s easier (and less painful) to lose ourselves in what we’re doing and what needs to be done than reflect on who we are and what we may need to change to create our best life. For example, someone who is in an unhappy marriage may focus their attention and energy on their children to protect them from knowing how miserable they are. Or a woman who has a demanding parent may exhaust herself trying to appease them rather than look at her own co-dependent need to be needed.

When we choose self-care, we send a message to ourselves that we are important and that our health-body, mind, heart and soul, is a priority. We quiet the noise of other voices and instead attend to own. Dangerous yes, but totally worthwhile!

What do you think???

Even More Benefits of Self-Care

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Self-Care Makes Us a Better Role Model:  By
modeling self-care, we are setting a good example for our children.  Watching us take time to care for our own health and well-being, encourages them to do the same and helps them learn to practice self-care when they are young.
Our daughters in particular learn that it is important to care for themselves as well as they do others instead of sacrificing their health and well-being to
solely meeting others’ needs.  It teaches both our sons and daughters self-respect and to be respectful of everyone because we expect them to value us as we do ourselves.

In Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide we say, “A pitcher of water provides a clear demonstration of what we mean. Imagine that you are a pitcher of water.  You keep pouring out, giving and giving as you take care of the needs of those around you: baby, children, partner, family, friends and pets. If you do not take action to fill the pitcher up again, pretty soon it will be empty.  No one is a bottomless pitcher. What do you need in order to fill up the pitcher again?”

What are you doing this summer for self-care?  If you’re aren’t, get started. Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me.  If I am only for myself, what am I?  If not now, when?”  Need help?  Comment and we’ll respond.

Post-Birth Stress and New Moms

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

You’ve survived nine months, have a beautiful baby in your arms
and can’t stop crying. If you’re feeling depleted, you’re not alone.
Motherhood is profoundly fulfilling but can be the most stressful and
demanding activity you’ll have.

The media tends to ignore the challenges faced and instead gives out
chirpy advice. Worse yet, it tends to make moms feel like it’s
their fault they’re run down.

Practicing self-care should be more than just a mantra. I called for
self-care to be a revolution. Perhaps there is a happy medium that’s
attainable.

Self-care is more meaningful than “chirpy advice.” Since we can’t add more hours to our day (who’d really want to) new parents should create a regimen of self-care that works for their family. Not every piece of advice is going to work for everyone.

Consider these solutions:
• Delegate household responsibilities
• Consider “outsourcing” household responsibilities
• “Plan” your life by calendaring and making solid choices
• Get rid of what doesn’t work in your daily lives
• Go for quality not quantity and relax
• Mandate “breaks” for yourself and really take them
• Reduce stress by exercising

Choose what sounds good and put it into action.

Today’s guest author is Mollee Bauer, founder of Pregnancy.org which gives moms the tools they need to empower themselves, feel safe and get advice on how to take care of, pamper, and check-in with themselves. These tools help them conquer their challenges. We welcome you to join us!

Wrapping Up Our Self-Care Contest/Challenge: Last Day to Enter and Win

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

Living Self-Care: Body-Mind-Heart&Soul

 To make self-care a lasting habit, we must redefine our priorities shifting our attention from what’s urgent to what’s truly important. 

In Beyond the Eighth Habit, Steven Covey discusses four paths which correspond to the four aspects of health essential to self-care: body-to live; mind-to learn; heart-to love; and soul-to leave a legacy.  If we devote time and attention to these,  we will create optimal health, happiness, and life satisfaction, enhancing the lives of everyone around us. 

Summary Suggestions:

1.      Make your health and well-being a priority

2.      Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.

3.      Manage stress wisely.

4.      Be a positive thinker.

5.      Don’t make assumptions.

6.      Accept yourself and others wholly.

7.      Trust your inner guidance.

8.      Nourish relationships with family and friends.

9.      Respect yourself and others.

10.  Do what makes your heart sing.

11.  Practice compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

12.  Connect with spirit through gratitude, service, and intention.

While we can’t control everything, we can create a life filled with health, happiness and purpose if we align our actions and thoughts with living self-care body, mind, heart and soul.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it count!

Today is the final day of the Mother’s Day Self-Care Contest/Challenge.  If you haven’t subscribed to our blog yet, register by 11:59 CT tonight t win our fabulous prizes.  Thanks for joining us.  Hope you’ll stay with us and keep Living Self-Care.

Bonding With Your Baby

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips, Uncategorized

Bonding  prenatally and after delivery creates a foundation for the parent-child relationship.
Here are some bonding tips:

  1. Place your baby on your chest after birth and put a warm blanket over both of you. Hold, touch, and talk to your baby. Your body releases hormones that encourage bonding and attachment to your baby. You and baby do not need to be separated during the first hour after delivery unless there is a medical concern.
  2. Have dad take off his shirt and hold baby skin to skin.
  3. Massage your baby.
  4. Sing to your baby. Sing whatever you want, it doesn’t have to be kids music.
  5. Read to your baby. Read prenatally and post-delivery to your baby. Babies can hear in the womb and respond to your voice.
  6. Talk to your baby.
  7. Tell your baby “I love you.”
  8. Soak in the smell of your newborn. Who doesn’t like the smell of a newly washed baby?
  9. Your breastmilk is composed of the things you eat, so it tastes different at each feeding. Eat a variety of foods to treat yourself and your baby.
  10. Smile! Babies love faces and newborns can see from their mother’s breast to her face.
  11. Use a wrap, sling or carrier and keep your baby close to you.
  12. Play with your baby during diaper changes. Peek-a-boo and This Little Piggy are fun games.

Jamie Bodily is founder and director of ParentsCount. Jamie offers private and group “Happiest Baby on the Block” classes encouraging gentle baby calming for fussy babies.  For more-www.parentscount.com.

Motherhood is Hard Work So Cut Yourself Some Slack!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips

The media creates images of perfect mothers such as June Cleaver and Claire Huxtabel. TV moms look perfect, have spotless homes, and great relationships. Magazine covers portray moms holding beautiful babies, breastpumps and briefcases who are perfectly made up.  From such images women define their “shoulds” and “musts”creating unattainable standards of perfection and judging themselves for not keeping up.

The truth is that motherhood is hard work. As women become mothers and face the accompanying stressors and challenges, they often internalize their  inability to cope flawlessly as personal failings.  Add sleepless nights and fussy babies and it’s not hard to see why mothers lose confidence. When the idealized view of one’s self and motherhood collides with reality, they criticize themselves rather than recognizing how well they are doing given the endless expenditure of physical, emotional and mental energy that goes into caring for children.  Pretty amazing!

Nuclear families encourage isolation, especially in the early days postpartum. Experienced mothers rarely discuss hardships inherent in mothering.  No one wants to admit they felt less than adequate, irritable, anxious or depressed maneuvering new motherhood while this is true.  Although the internet provides some connection, many moms lack the  face-to-face support needed to see that everyone faces challenges and make mistakes.  Supporting themselves and each other by acknowledging that motherhood is hard work and that perfection must be tempered by reality  is what’s needed.

So, starting today cut yourself and the moms around you some slack.  You’ve earned it.  You deserve it!

Jamie Bodily is founder and director of ParentsCount which provides birth and postpartum doula services, childbirth education and counseling