Tag: LIfe Will Never Be The Same

Running On Empty? Fill Up With Meditation and Godiva Chocolate

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

There are many ways to self-nourish. Two of our favorites are meditation and chocolate. The past three weeks, we’ve been following the Chopra Center’s 21-day summer meditation challenge, listening for one to share here. Last Wednesday it was on “Make Yourself A Priority” and we thought, “That’s the one.” Before meditating, the instructor spoke about how most people don’t take time for self-care and it struck us again how widespread this problem is.

Click on this link to listen- http://www.chopracentermeditation.com/bestsellers/Meditation_Summer/Meditation_Summer.asp?id=5861.

Now, for the chocolate. To celebrate our almost first birthday which is October 9, we’re sponsoring a contest for our current and new subscribers. Because we want our October self-care contest/challenge to be the best yet, we’re asking that any subscriber get ten other friends, family, co-workers, etc. to join our blog, and we’ll enter you in a random weekly drawing for a box of Godiva chocolates for the month of September.

Winners will be chosen each Sunday and announced the following Monday. If you’ve never tasted Godiva chocolates, you’re in for a treat and if you have, you know how irresistable they are. For any new subscriber you recruit, have them leave your name in our comment box so you get credit.

We’re also asking you to give us your recommendations for favorite woman-or-mom-related blogs and websites, so we can include them in the October contest/self-care challenge.  This will help ensure that we continue to provide what you want.

And remember, “Self-care is like chocolate, you can never have enough!”

“Mommy Entrepeneur’s Recipe for Divalysscious Success”-Part 1

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

As the owner of Divalysscious Moms, a luxury lifestyle company for mothers and families, and the mother of two young children (Jackson, 7, and Oliver, 4), I am frequently asked how I balance motherhood, owning/operating my own business and making “me” time.  While every successful mother and business owner has a unique routine that works for her, I like to give other mothers my “Divalysscious Tips,” the ingredients I recommend for “Mommy Entrepreneur Success.”

1. Your Children Come First. That means that any email and phone call can wait until the children are happy and settled. With today’s technology, everything seems urgent; however, it’s not. When your children feel secure, everything works better.

2. Prioritize. Start your work before your children wake up even if it means rising at 4:30am to answer e-mails, approve designs and do research. Lessen your pain with a jumbo cup of coffee!

3. Have a routine.  Having breakfast with my boys and taking them to school  crucial aspects of my daily life. Most nights, I put my Blackberry down so I can eat with them, bathe them, read to them and snuggle before bedtime. After they’re sleeping, I can finish up my work.

Follow these tips — adapting them to your life and family — and you will be an uber Divalysscious Mom. Remember, making yourself a priority is not something to feel guilty about! Happy moms make happy kids.

Today’s guest author is Lyss Stern, Founder and CEO of Divalysscious Moms. For more, follow her on Facebook and Twitter.

Want To Win A Box of Godiva Chocolates: Read This

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Press Release

To celebrate our almost first birthday which is October 9, we’re sponsoring a contest for our current and new subscribers. Because we want our October self-care contest/challenge to succeed, we’re asking that any subscriber get ten other friends, family, co-workers, etc. to join our blog, and we’ll enter you in a random weekly drawing for a box of Godiva chocolates for the month of September.

Winners will be chosen each Sunday and announced the following Monday. If you’ve never tasted Godiva chocolates, you’re in for a treat and if you have, you know how irresistable they are. For any new subscriber you recruit, have them leave your name in our comment box so you get credit.

We’re also asking you to give us your recommendations for favorite woman-or-mom-related blogs and websites, so we can include them in the October contest/self-care challenge. While we’ve discovered many sites we think are terrific and worthwhile, the web is too vast for anyone (except possibly a search engine expert) to know what’s out there. This will help ensure that we provide what you want. Likewise, as much as we enjoy social media, we can’t quit our day jobs for endless web surfing.

Now our self-care tip for the week. Focus on those experiences which strengthen rather than weaken you. I realized this again, when I was having a massage and started to freak out about an upcoming interview. Instead of scaring myself, I thought about situations I’d survived despite my fears and felt much calmer.

Sex Is Good for Our Brains-Who Knew???

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

According to a recent article by Dr. Oz, sex has some of the same stress-relieving benefits as exercise. In a recent animal study, they found that daily sexual experiences over two-weeks, reduced the release of cortisol, a major stress hormone, increased the brain’s ability to create and support new brain cells, and decreased anxietylike behavior.

Sound like good news? It would be except many women report losing their interest and desire for sex as they get older, and especially once they become moms. Likewise, negative messages they learned growing up may intensify their lack of libido.

For women, sexual desire derives from emotional as well as physical chemistry. Women want to feel an emotional connection with their partners, and when this is absent as often happens over time especially when raising a family, sexual interest diminishes. Midlife is a time when men and women often turn to affairs to  rekindle the spark they once felt with their original partner. However, once the honeymoon ends with the new partner, sexual desire may fade too.

The solution is that we must nourish our relationships with our current partners like we do our children, friends or anyone we love. Then emotional intimacy kindles desire and physical intimacy kindles an emotional connection. And the added benefit, sex is good for our brains. Who Knew???

I’m writing a new book about hormones, libido/desire and intimacy in women. If you have questions or would like to share your stories, please comment or e-mail realmomexperts@gmail.com.

When Self-Care is Not Enough; Ask for Help

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Press Release

It has taken many years to learn how to take care of me; always putting other’s first while I drained the energy out of myself. Learning self-care began while battling postpartum depression (PPD) and anxiety 21 years ago.

PPD was out of my control, but I could seek help from others.  This was very difficult for someone who had never done it before. I gave my family and friends specific direction on how they could help me; i.e. I need an hour to myself, time to go for a walk, sit and talk with me, etc. On many occasions, I asked family and friends to watch my daughter while I attended doctor visits and counseling sessions.

Doctor visits were necessary and counseling sessions were invaluable; I learned tips on relieving anxiety and that my needs were important. I attended support groups for women with PPD.  I limited my conversations to those that were good listeners and supportive.  I stayed away from anxiety provoking situations.

I have learned that while self-care is important, sometimes you may need an extension of self-care. That’s when professional healthcare, professional counseling and support from others can help you to heal.

Linda Meyer is the Executive Director of Mother to Mother in St. Louis, MO.  Mother to Mother provides free telephone support, group support and resources to women experiencing emotional difficulties during pregnancy and postpartum. www.mothertomothersupport.org

Mother to Mother will be participating in the St. Louis Walk for Mental Health on Saturday, August 20 www.thewalk.org

Living Self-Care Goes Global

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Yesterday we got our first global subscriber from London. England has historically been a leader in providing humane treatment to women with postpartum depression/psychosis. Today, a clerk asked about our e-mail, “realmomexperts,” which led to a conversation about how she had stayed home with their children and her husband wondered why she was so tired. Now that their roles are reversed, he can’t understand how she got so much done.

Even moms-to-be are interested. Just this week an excerpt from our book on “Obstacles to Self-Care” was featured in The Expectant Mother’s Guide- http://www.expectantmothersguide.com/library/stlouis/obstacles-to-self-care.htm. Lack of self-care is a global epidemic among women of all ages, life stages, roles and vocations.

Here’s an exercise to reinforce the necessity of self-care:

Find a quiet place. Close your eyes. Practice breathing deeply, so slow that your abdomen rises and falls. For two minutes, repeat to yourself  with each exhaled breath: “Taking care of me benefits everyone around me.”

When you take care of yourself, are you filling your pitcher, building  your bank account, or recharging your batteries? Pick the metaphor that works  best for you. Picture that image in your head while you repeat the phrase.

Each time thoughts weasel into your head, chastising you that something  else is more important than taking time for you, take a deep breath and  practice this exercise. This may seem silly or strange at first. You may doubt  how this can work. Just try it for a few days before you judge its value.

Let’s Get REAL About Motherhood and Life

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Since we’ve been discussing the thoughts which bind us,  let’s review several myths about motherhood/life.  If you’re not a mom, substitute the word “women” and whatever situation pertains.

1. Myth: Good mothers never make mistakes. They always know the right thing to do. Reality: All mothers make mistakes. The trick is to learn from them and not wound yourself with guilt.

2. Myth: Motherhood is always bliss. Reality: Motherhood is likely to be the most challenging and rewarding experience you will ever know. Each woman will experience it in her unique way.

3. Myth: Motherhood is easy. You automatically know what to do. Reality: Being a “good enough” mom is hard work. It is a journey not a destination.

4. Myth: Good mothers sacrifice everything. Reality: No woman is a bottomless pitcher. You must replenish your resources regularly or your health will be compromised.

5. Myth: Motherhood is instinctual. Reality: Motherhood is a learning process. It is in the “doing” that you become a mother.

Sound daunting? Here’s one thought-changing strategy. Take any belief and ask yourself what’s the evidence that this is true? My personal favorite is #4. Take #4 and observe how you feel when you sacrifice everything? Martyrdom is rarely pretty and lessens the qualities, like patience and kindness, which make you a good mom/person. Then substitute the reality-based statement above which the evidence is likely to support.

Preview Chapter 6 of Life Will Never Be the Same for more ideas. The more you release judgemental thoughts, the better you’ll feel. For inspiration, click here.

Stop “Living in the Wreckage of the Future”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Continuing our conversation about how to free ourselves from the unhealthy  thinking habits we’ve cultivated for years, today’s post is about how to stop “living in the wreckage of the future.”  This is a phrase one of my clients taught me from AA which is intended to help folks in recovery not “catastrophize” about what tomorrow will bring and live “one day at a time.”  In truth, none of us knows what’s ahead but we like to believe we do to experience a sense of control and predictability about life.

Mark Twain said, “Most of my life’s worst experiences never actually happened.”  This quote is about how many of our worst expectations and fears don’t materialize although we think about them so much that we frighten and worry ourselves as if they had.  Recall the last time you were convinced something bad would happen and it didn’t.  How did you feel?  Was there a sense of relief or not?  Often we’ve built up so much anticipatory anxiety, it still takes days to calm down.

A new day

Since August is often stressful as kids return to school and we leave summer behind, opportunity for “living in the wreckage of the future” looms large.  So, tell your “catastrophizing self” I appreciate your concern but what I really need  is for you to shut up.  While this isn’t easy, with practice it improves and we can rest in the awareness that the present moment is usually okay.

Free Yourself to Be Yourself: Mary Oliver’s “The Journey”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

To continue the theme of examining your life from Monday’s post, we wanted to share a favorite poem “The Journey” by Mary Oliver in which she describes how ultimately we must abide by our “inner voice” if we are to survive. Imagine our delight when we discovered this is also Maria Shriver’s favorite poem which she presented for National Poetry Day at the 2011 Women’s Conference.

So sit back, relax (well maybe) and enjoy the following rendition of “The Journey.” Then let us know what you think. Is this too radical to imagine or not? If so, what may be standing in your way? What would it take to free yourself to be yourself?

“The Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  When asked to refrain from teaching this, he chose to end his life by drinking hemlock. For the last few weeks, this phrase keeps coming up in conversation which prompted me to write about it.

How does examining one’s life relate to self-care? Because part of self-care is learning to listen to our “inner voice” and become clear about who we are and what is truly nourishing. Not in a self-centered way but a self-respectful one. However, in today’s frenetic, “need to do one more thing” culture, we often don’t slow down and get quiet enough to hear what our “inner voice” is saying.

Likewise, it’s easier (and less painful) to lose ourselves in what we’re doing and what needs to be done than reflect on who we are and what we may need to change to create our best life. For example, someone who is in an unhappy marriage may focus their attention and energy on their children to protect them from knowing how miserable they are. Or a woman who has a demanding parent may exhaust herself trying to appease them rather than look at her own co-dependent need to be needed.

When we choose self-care, we send a message to ourselves that we are important and that our health-body, mind, heart and soul, is a priority. We quiet the noise of other voices and instead attend to own. Dangerous yes, but totally worthwhile!

What do you think???