Tag: motherhood

The Magic of Fall: Persephone’s Journey

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

I was introduced to Persephone’s story a few years ago at a women’s retreat.  In Roman mythology, Persephone is the daughter of Demeter, Mother Earth, who leaves “the world above” to become Queen of the Underworld. While some versions say she was abducted by Hades and taken against her will, I prefer to believe that she left because she had outgrown living as a child in her mother’s garden and wanted to fulfill her unique destiny.

Have you ever felt a “calling” to step outside your familiar life and journey into the unknown, imagining that what lies ahead will help you become more fully who you are intended to be? Have you ever felt “shackled” by what others expect from you like Persephone who longed to be more than her mother’s daughter, conforming to her expectations? When the fall air tugs at your cheek and the trees shed their leaves, can you feel their sense of freedom and possibility, beckoning you to let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore?

This is the magic of fall. The time to release old beliefs and habits, and to sow the seeds of what we do want in our life so that when spring comes, we will be ready. Now, enjoy Mary Oliver’s “The Journey” which inspires us to pursue the life which is waiting for us like Persephone chose to do. You can do it too!

Free Yourself From Imprisoning Thoughts

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Reading is a means of thinking with another person’s mind; it forces you to stretch your own.
~Charles Scribner,Jr.

Lately I’ve been listening to life coach Martha Beck’s book Steering By Starlight. In it, she discusses how to dismantle the “thought dungeons” we create.

The idea of changing our thoughts to change our feelings originated in cognitive therapy by Aaron Beck (no relation to Martha) and Albert Ellis. One of the first books on this, Feeling Good, painstakingly described common cognitive distortions like “all or nothing” thinking, my favorite, “catastrophizing,” aka “living in the wreckage of the future,” and how we can neutralize/”refute them.”

Martha Beck’s book is much more fun than this with her keen wit and uncanny sense of how people get themselves stuck in “thought dungeons” of their own making and how to get out. For example, moms/parents who devote themselves to their children, totally neglecting their own needs. Sound familiar?

Here’s what she says to make the point, as we often do, that doing this is not necessarily best for you or your child. “The reason they tells parents to put their oxygen masks on first is because a conscious parent can save an unconscious child, but a conscious child cannot save an unconscious parent.”

What are you doing for self-care? If not, what thoughts are keeping you stuck? As last Thursday’s post suggested, ” Perhaps our arms will be more willing to hug and take care of others after we take care of ourselves.”

Contest Postponed: Taking Time for Self-Care

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Last week I was reviewing plans for the self-care contest/challenge with Mollee Bauer of pregnancy.org when we realized the contest needed additional planning to succeed, so I’m  postponing it from Oct.2-8 to Nov.14-18. Also, my emotional pitcher was nearing empty. As we often say,  you can’t give others what you don’t have so I gave myself a 3-day weekend to recharge.

This weekend, I haven’t done anything special. In fact, I haven’t done much at all. Truly nirvana. However, I wanted to share a few gifts with you since the contest/challenge is delayed. Here they are. First, the theme of the contest will be gratitude and thankfulness. Each day we’ll have an activity to complete which expresses our theme. Over the next few weeks, if you come up with an activity we use during the contest, you’ll win a box of Godiva chocolates. Please put your suggestions in the comment section of this or future posts.

Second, the following are links to other web resources for living self-care from several wonderful women I’ve met online and other articles/interviews I’ve  done recently.  For pregnancy and post-birth health, visit pregnancy.org. For self-care tips, listen to my podcast with Darline Turner of mamasonbedrest. Read about making motherhood work for you on totstoteensmagazine or look at my 7 Sanity-Saving Tips at babycenter.com. Good suggestions for anyone.

Don’t forget to send us a contest idea and remember, “Self-care is like chocolate, you can never have enough.”

Changing Seasons-Changing Attitudes

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

Fall is here, and that signals a time of introspection and self-analysis. Fall also symbolizes the time where we feel obligated (guilt involved or not) to redirect, “pay it forward,” and learn how to do “nothing.” Learn how to do nothing? Did she really just say that? That’s impossible! Not really, it just takes a few attempts before you get good at it.

Living self-care is more than lip service. I’m guilty of saying that I’ll do “xyz” for myself, and then, it magically doesn’t happen. Well it doesn’t happen because I don’t allow it to happen. How do we take care of ourselves without it feeling like a chore? The answer is as simple as mindset. In my opinion, it comes down to how we perceive, feel, and think about ourselves, and how we view ourselves in the big picture.

The self-care revolution is coming – we all feel it – it’s just a matter of when. Are you willing to take up “arms” and join us? Perhaps those arms will be more willing to hug and take care of others after we take care of ourselves. If you think about it, we can’t help anyone until we help ourselves.

Today’s guest author is Mollee Bauer, founder of Pregnancy.org which gives moms the tools they need to empower themselves, feel safe and get advice on how to take care of, pamper, and check-in with themselves. These tools help them conquer their challenges and overcome obstacles to self-care.

Fall’s Here! Time to Reflect and Reconnect

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Back in the day before electricity lit our lives up year round, fall’s longer nights and cooler weather prompted us to move indoors and spend less time engaged in the hubbub of daily life. It was a time of rest and restoration. Harvest was ending and families huddled together preparing for winter’s onset.

Today we’re often too busy to even notice the leaves turning but we can change this. This week, take 15 minutes to go outside in the morning to smell the fall air. Notice the the trees, their leaves, and how effortlessly they let go. If you live in the city, pay attention to how outdoors feels different than last month. Stop to reflect on nature slowing down.

Then choose another day to write down what you’d like to let go of. Put each on a  slip of paper. Maybe it’s guilt over a mistake or pushing yourself too hard. Just write whatever comes up without judging or censoring. At the end of the week, take all you’ve written and burn them one by one, releasing them from your soul. Fall is an excellent time to release the old to make way for the new.

You can also do this with your family/friends. Give each person slips of paper to note what they’re ready to discard and burn them together. Reflect and reconnect with yourself and others, creating space for what you do want to enter your life like the trees shedding their leaves for new growth.

School is Now in Session!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

As a mom of two teenagers and a toddler, organization and routine is important to decrease stress and maintain a healthy balance in my home.

Below are some ways
that I do this:

Schedule family time:  Allow your children to help plan a weekly family night.  An example is renting videos and watching them at home with favorite movie snacks to enjoy.  During family night, rules should be established, such as no texting or taking phone calls.

Choose chores:  Because everyone’s schedules are busier now, it is helpful to have a family meeting where everyone can decide which chores they will be responsible for.

Homework:  By providing your children a calendar and having one for yourself, both of you can jot down any special dates and scheduled tests.   Staying organized is the key to a successful school year!

Observe child’s behavior:   Be mindful of any changes in behavior, sleep, and eating behaviors.

Offer support and solutions:  Be your child’s strongest advocate.  Reach out to teacher s and counselors to help you and your child.

Listen:  Use car rides home and dinner time to talk with your child.

Real Mom Lisa

Today’s guest author is Lisa Salazar, MA, LMFT, LPC who is a licensed marriage and family therapist.  She has been married for 18 years and has 3 children.   Books in the Burbs is a blog that Lisa maintains to write book reviews.

Self-Care Contest Challenge Starts Oct.2: Fill ‘Er Up

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

In our book Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide about adjusting to life post-birth, we say “Self-care now is just as essential to being the best mother you can be as was taking vitamins, exercising, and getting prenatal care while you were pregnant.  To be a good mom, you must be good to yourself first, physically and emotionally.  To aim for a balance between yours and others’ needs. It’s best to tackle this issue now, because it’s one you’ll be facing for the rest of your life.”

Whether you’re a new mom or not, self-care is essential to health and well-being.  Again from our book, “A pitcher of water provides a clear demonstration of what we mean. Imagine that you are a pitcher of water.  You keep pouring out, giving and giving as you take care of the needs of those around you: baby, children, partner, family, friends and pets. If you do not take action to fill the pitcher up again, pretty soon it will be empty.  No one is a bottomless pitcher. What do you need in order to fill up the pitcher again?”

With the self-care challenge/contest only 2 weeks away, we want you to notice your current self-care practices and when you feel depleted or nourished.  Rabbi Hillel said, “If I am not for myself, who will be for me.  If I am only for myself, what am I?  If not now, when?”  Need help? We’re only a comment away.

 

Empower Yourself to BE YOU!

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

I’m on vacation this week so I’m running Kelly’s guest post which reminds us to be true to who we are.

To be empowered is to say “YES! This is who I am” rather than letting others define you.   To find your inner voice and strength and use it to control your mind, your body, and your thoughts, staying true to yourself whatever life presents.

Being empowered is to reject helplessness. It is finding the courage to face what frightens you, and instead learn what you can from these experiences. By searching out these silver linings you are refusing to let the pain or fear rule you. Redefining life’s challenges by what you’ve gained.

When is the last time you used your “pause button” and MADE the choice to listen to yourself, to appreciate who you are, or to ask yourself “what do I want?” Remember that only you are the expert on you. You have the strength to create your life and to connect with your inner voice.

So try asking yourself:

  • What truly matters to me?
  • What are my priorities?
  • What are the values that I
    strive to live by?
  • When I wake up tomorrow what
    do I want to remember about today?

And now concentrate. Focus.
Breathe. Listen. And just BE YOU.

Today’s author Kelly Caul, MSW, LCSW is founder of EMPOWERED Therapy, LLC, whose mission is to empower you to BE YOU through individual and group therapy.  Kelly can be reached through her website at www.kellycaul.com.

3 Weeks Until Fall Self-Care Contest/Challenge: Let’s Get This Party Started

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings, Press Release

In the midwest where I live, there are definite signs that fall is upon us. Leaves are turning and days are growing shorter. Summer vacation is over, children are back in school and the air is buzzing with activity. Fall also signals impending holiday madness with too little time to get things done.

Which is why self-care is so important now and the reason we chose Mental Health Week (October 2-8) for our bi-annual self-care challenge/contest. We want to remind you to conserve some your energy now, like squirrels gathering acorns, to have enough for what’s ahead. Most of the tips in our contest/challenge take only 10-15 minutes but the resulting good feelings last much longer.

Last week, I spoke to Darline Turner of MamasOnBedrest about how moms/women can take better care of themselves whatever circumstances they find themselves in. Check out our podcast by clicking here. Darline is a champion for women’s health and said that she learned firsthand, like many of us, about the importance of self-care after becoming a mom.

Prior to the normal post-birth upheaval, her pregnancy journey was very stressful, which puts women even more at risk for postpartum issues. However, whether momss or not, women still have twice the depression men experience. For women,  self-care cannot be ignored.

Join us for our contest/challenge, 10/2-8. We’ll have more prizes, free downloads, and great advice. Meanwhile we still have Godiva Chocolates to give away. Find 5 friends to subscribe to our blog, livingselfcare, and you could be this week’s winner!

“Mommy Entrepeneur’s Recipe for Divalysscious Success”-Part 2

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

As the owner of Divalysscious Moms, a luxury lifestyle company for mothers and families, and the mother of two young children (Jackson, 7, and Oliver, 4), I am frequently asked how I balance motherhood, business and “me” time.  Here are my recommended ingredients.

1. Children Come First. That means any emails or calls can wait until the children are settled. When your children feel secure, everything works better.

2. Prioritize. Start your work before your children wake. Lessen your pain with a jumbo cup of coffee!

3. Have a routine.  Having breakfast with my boys, taking them to school, eating together, reading and snuggle-time are crucial.

4.  Have a “Mommy Time Out”.   Moms who run their own businesses also need “time out.”  As they say if mom isn’t happy, no one is. Take ten minutes to meditate, get a massage, or phone a friend to rejuvenate and preserve your sanity.

5.  Delegate.  Being a mom and business owner gives you the right to delegate, which means surrounding yourself with a team of positive, dedicated, high energy people.  My husband is my biggest supporter. We both work, and we make our schedules coordinate with the kids’ as best we can. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! It’s always better than having a meltdown.

Follow these tips and you will be an uber Divalysscious Mom. Remember, making yourself a priority is not something to feel guilty about! Happy moms make happy kids.

Today’s author is Lyss Stern, founder and CEO of Divalysscious Moms. Also on Facebook and Twitter.