Tag: real moms

Self-Care Challenge Day 3: Healthy Relationships

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips

As we like to say at livingselfcare.com, “Self-Care is like chocolate. You can never have enough.” During this week’s self-care challenge we’ll bring you daily tips and inspiration with a chance to win prizes that pamper. Click here to learn more.

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Just like we wear many “hats,” we maintain many different types of relationships: kids, parents, siblings, in-laws, friends. Sometimes it’s easy to avoid or ignore a relationship and let it die. At times, it’s essential to cut ties with people who are unhealthy for you. But what about the people we love, but won’t interact with?

Relationships die for many reasons. Conflict is a big factor in this. I have a friend who moved several years ago. She go that far; her home is just a few hours away (can you tell I live in Texas yet?). But I don’t know what’s going on in her life anymore and she doesn’t know about mine.

This is a woman I’ve known for 15 years. We used to talk about everything and help each other out whenever needed. What happened to us? We had a big argument right after she moved. Neither one of us would budge. Now I feel sad every time I think of her.

I’m afraid to call her. “What if she hates me?” I always think. Most likely this is a distorted thought. I know that if she called me, I would be glad to hear from her. So, I am going to make that call today.

I urge you to reconnect with anyone that is special to you who you have avoided due to conflict. It can be scary to face but most of the time, anger dissolves into relief once you take the steps to reach out.

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For more tips on how to preserve relationship health, check out our friend Mollee Bauer. Mollee is founder of pregnancy.org, a site which offers great advice on pre-conception, pregnancy and post-birth mind-body health. She’s also one of our Challenge Champions!

Self-Care Challenge Day 2: The Mind-Body Connection

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Monday Musings

As we like to say at livingselfcare.com, “Self-Care is like chocolate. You can never have enough.” During this week’s self-care challenge we’ll bring you daily tips and inspiration with a chance to win prizes that pamper. Click here to learn more.

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Welcome to The Self-Care Challenge, Day 2! These guest entries focus on the mind/body connection reminding us that what goes on in our minds has a significant impact on our bodies, whether we are aware of it or not!

Our first self-care tip was written by my (Stacey’s) mother, Nancy Lawrence. I cherish the talks we have, as she always has wise words of advice for me – when I ask for it! My mom has never pushed her ideas or advice on me, and I have always been grateful for her giving me the space I need to make mistakes and then helping me learn from them. Here’s her entry:

The difference between a thoughtful word and a thoughtless word is the difference between a lightning bug and a lightning strike. One word or phrase can uplift or beat down. Take the word “failure” for example. If you hear this word and it pertains to you, in that moment you have to make a choice.

Failure doesn’t exist, really. It’s always a lesson on what won’t work and the opportunity to alter your thinking to find out what does work. After all, we’d have no light bulbs if Edison had thrown in the towel! In the brief seconds after hearing a thoughtless word, the choice is yours: hang your head and feel awful; or find the lesson or the “silver lining.” There always is one!

Our second self-care tip is from Sue Suardi, a friend of Diane’s. If you ever find yourself talking yourself out of going to the gym (or running or skipping yoga class…), come back here and read Sue’s wonderful tip:

My friends and co-workers ask me why after a long day of work I bother working out.  I do it for myself.  I believe working out is not only healthy for me but also a release of the stress from the day.  Working out is not a chore for me but a gift to myself.  Sweating is a sweet release!

What great advice for our minds and our bodies! Stay tuned for more tips during our Self-Care Challenge Week!

The Impossibility of Loneliness

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

National Womens' Health Week

As we’re heading toward the end of National Women’s Health Week, we hope you have taken some time out for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs. We hope you also learned something about what your needs are and how you can help yourself every day live a more stress-free life!

One of the coping techniques that have been backed up with plenty of research is that friends are essential for reducing stress. But what happens if you are disabled and can’t get out of the house…or live way out in rural country…or find it very difficult to make friends? I’m sure we could list many more situations that could interfere with one’s social life. Just over a decade ago, folks had to settle with loneliness or had to come up with very creative ways to interact with others. Today, in the age of instant information, as long as you have a way to get on-line, you have a way to make friends!

Around the turn of the century, as the Internet was becoming more and more popular, random people started writing weblogs – or blogs, for short. The author(s) could write whenever he or she wanted to (Can’t sleep? Write a tirade about Ugandan sweatshops at 2am!), as often as he or she wanted to. But that was just the beginning of what blogs would become. Soon after, free sites like blogger.com and WordPress introduced “search” features that would let the user find other blogs that related to them in geographical proximity, interests, and musical preferences, for example. It became almost impossible to be lonely!

For the most part, technology has been beneficial. It has streamlined everyday living and has made accessible things we never thought would be. But, as anyone who has waited in a line while “our computers are down,” will agree – it is far from perfect. Yet, as I think of my real friends – folks that I have come to know and enjoy – I am proud to include a few names of people that I have never met, at least not in person…yet.

The Bare Necessities

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in May Tips, Self-Care Month, Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

This month, we are writing about specific techniques to reduce stress based on Diane’s Top Ten Tips Plus Two. Today, I’d like to concentrate on, “Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.” It sounds like a no-brainer, doesn’t it? But when we chop this tip into pieces, we can see where we’re lacking.

1. Nourish Your Body With Food: I’m fairly sure that everyone that’s reading this eats every once in a while. But with busy days, sometimes we don’t take the time to make or buy something healthy. We end up going through the drive thru or getting a bag of chips out of the vending machine. This kind of diet will make you gain weight, raise your cholesterol, and increase your chances to develop Diabetes and heart disease. Think about it – how can you make time for eating healthy foods when you’re on the run? Many fast food chains offer some healthier choices, but cooking at home is the best because you’ll know everything that’s in your meal and can control its caloric content.

2. Nourish Your Body With Sleep: Raise your hand if you get 7 – 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night. Since I don’t see any hands up, I’m assuming you’re trying to live on 4 – 6 hours per night. Some of you may be operating on even less, especially if you just had a baby. The trick is to get at least 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night. You may need to get your partner or family member involved so you can sleep while the other person tends to the baby. All of you other women who are not sleeping enough: find a way to go to bed earlier! Lack of sleep can also increase your risk for heart disease, stroke and depression.

3. Nourish Your Body With Activity and Rest: So many jobs involve sitting behind a desk or in front of a computer. This creates a very sedentary day! If your workplace has stairs, use them! Take a walk on your lunch break. Do stretches at your desk. Most experts agree that getting aerobic exercise for at least 20 minutes, 3 times a week will help you lose fat, gain muscle and make you feel great! Exercise releases endorphins, which are the same neurotransmitters that are released during orgasm! On the other side of the spectrum, we also need to take time out to rest. Not sleep – rest. Lie on your couch and breathe. Let the stresses of the day evaporate and let yourself slowly transition from work to home (or from homemaker to peace and relaxation).

Which tips are you already using? Which ones would you like to use? If you give these tips a try, let us know how it goes and you will be entered into our May Self-Care Challenge! Good luck!

A Self-Care Christmas

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

It’s tempting to get caught up in the quest to give our loved ones the “perfect Christmas” — especially when we see visions of it plastered all over our television screens and in magazines.That’s a lot of pressure and work. And if something goes wrong, we feel we’ve failed.

Last year I realized the “cure” for holiday burnout was to shift my perspective. We still put up a tree, decorated the outside of the house with lights and bought presents. We just scaled back a bit. The emphasis was on finding balance including mindful spending, skipping out on a few social obligations in lieu of more family time and forgoing the holiday baking. (Because I have enough dirty dishes piled up in the sink.) This year, I decided the “family present” would be to hire someone to deep clean the house before hosting company. (So maybe that’s more of a gift for me. But we all know if mama’s not happy, no one is.)

I’m pretty sure when my son is grown and looks back on his childhood Christmases, he won’t remember how the tree was decorated or how many gifts he received. But he will remember the times we spent together laughing, lounging and loving every minute of each other’s company. And to me? That’s what’s most important.

Today’s author is Lisa Bertrand, founder of StLFamilyLife. We love this post and wanted to share it with you before you’re engulfed in holiday madness to help keep perspective.

Spare Your Sanity; Save Yourself-Part 1

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

While this article was originally written for new moms, it offers advice which all women can benefit from. If you don’t have children, think of all the people in your life you care for and how that affects you.  All women need self-care to stay healthy and sane.

7 Sanity Saving Tips:

  1. Care for your children by caring for yourself.  Practice our “Five A Day.”  Eat, sleep, get regular physical activity, rest/take breaks and connect with yourself and others.  Put your oxygen mask on first, so you have the energy and vitality to be the mom your children deserve.
  2. Take three to four hours a week for “me-time.”  You may think you can run full-tilt 24/7, but your body and mind was not designed for this.  You need periods of rest-oration for optimal health.  Without refilling your pitcher, you will feel depleted, exhausted, impatient and resentful.
  3. Know yourself.  The greater your need for control, the more likely you are to come unraveled as a mom when life runs itself.  Try cutting back before children.  Start removing items from your “to-do list” and prioritizing what is truly important.  Practice not having things “just so” for improved adjustment.
  4. Notice your accomplishments (even if no one else does).  Put your attention on what you’re getting done instead of where you’re falling short.  Keep a jar and every time you do something, drop a coin in.  Change a diaper-a coin, feed your baby-a coin, bathe your baby-a coin.  It adds up fast.

Part 2 next Monday 🙂

If At First You Don’t Succeed

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Since it’s summertime, we thought we’d lighten the mood. What follows looks at what can be gained when things don’t work out.

While on vacation in May, I tried to whiten my teeth. The first time I attached the plastic whitening strip to my lower teeth, it fell off. After several attempts, I gave up and decided it wasn’t my thing. Then this Saturday, I tried again and succeeded immediately. Although this example may seem trivial. life is filled with large and small tasks which if we give up the first time we fail, we’ll never learn what we can accomplish.

Last week one of my clients described the trouble she’d had with several tile contractors. She openly acknowledges her perfectionism and has been working on learning to let things go so she can feel better. Honestly, she’d done fine until the second tile guy lost it because she asked him to replace a cracked tile and to reset another which wasn’t level with the rest.  He’d advertised himself as “no drama, no trauma.” LOL.

What did she learn? First, to trust her gut. She’d thought about terminating him the week before but was trying to adjust her expectations instead.  Sometimes the other person really is the problem.  Second, although things went poorly it wasn’t a disaster and she didn’t torture herself by dwelling on it.

So, the next time things don’t work out, look for something to be gained. Then, shift into self-care mode, breathe deeply and smile 🙂

Remembering Lost Loved Ones

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Today is Memorial Day which honors the memory our lost loved ones. In life, we experience many kinds of losses -the deaths of a spouse, child, family member, beloved friend or cherished pet. The loss of a job, a divorce or our children moving away.  Some of these are talked about openly. Others are not.

One loss which is rarely discussed is when a baby dies either during pregnancy or soon after delivery. Maybe you or someone close to you has gone through this.  Whether it occurs early or late in pregnancy, does not lessen its importance or impact on the woman/couple. While losses after 20 weeks are generally more traumatic, this isn’t always so. For couples who are struggling with fertility issues, each failure to conceive is a loss not only of becoming pregnant but also their dream of the child/family they hoped for.

If you’re supporting a woman/couple who’s going through a pregnancy/neotnatal loss, never assume that you know what their experience of grief is. Many times remarks made with good intentions like “These things happen for a reason or  I know things will get better,” are perceived as insensitive and offensive. If you’re not certain what to say, don’t say anything.  When people are grieving, often what they need most is for you to just listen. You cannot take away their pain or make it hurt less but you can support them with love and compassion.

For more, visit By the Brooke, Grieve Out Loud and Share.

Our Mother’s Day Gift To You

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Press Release

We don’t usually post on Saturday but I wanted to share this very special video with all of you for Mother’s Day.  It was made for our Missouri phone support program, Mother to Mother  by students from Ladue High School in St.Louis  and words can’t describe how touching it is.  So, get the kleenex out and for all you do, this is for you.

Click on “What Is A Mother” to see this amazing video.  A true gift to moms.

More ZZZ’s for Mom and Baby: Consistency is Key

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips

When your baby is born, she/he will be alert and ready to bond with you during the first hour.  Afterwards, she will go into a deep sleep for about 4 hours as she begins adjusting to life outside the womb.  During the first 2 weeks, she will eat about every 2-3 hours and sleep a total of 10-18 hours a day.  You may even have to wake her for feedings.

By week 3 having acclimated more to life outside the womb, her eating habits will become more regular although still inconsistent and prone to changes during growth spurts.  Around the third month of life, your baby’s sleep cycle should be more regular and he/she should be sleeping for longer stretches.  What a sense of timing.  Welcome changes indeed! 

While you cannot force your baby into a predictable sleeping pattern, you can guide her.  When you get up, open the blinds and turn on the music, creating a routine for your baby to follow. When you get ready for bed, dim the lights, bathe your baby, and put on soothing sounds.  Consistency is critical for developing well-regulated sleep habits.

If your baby awakens between feeding times, gently pat his/her back, sssh, and offer a pacifier, to help your baby learn how to self-soothe. The less noise and more consistency you provide, the more you help your baby adjust and learn to develop healthy sleep patterns.

Jamie Bodily is the founder and director of ParentsCount.   A Birth and Postpartum Doula in St. Louis, she assists new parents in developing healthy routines, adjusting to a newborn, calming tips and breastfeeding assistance.