Tag: building new habits

If At First You Don’t Succeed

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Since it’s summertime, we thought we’d lighten the mood. What follows looks at what can be gained when things don’t work out.

While on vacation in May, I tried to whiten my teeth. The first time I attached the plastic whitening strip to my lower teeth, it fell off. After several attempts, I gave up and decided it wasn’t my thing. Then this Saturday, I tried again and succeeded immediately. Although this example may seem trivial. life is filled with large and small tasks which if we give up the first time we fail, we’ll never learn what we can accomplish.

Last week one of my clients described the trouble she’d had with several tile contractors. She openly acknowledges her perfectionism and has been working on learning to let things go so she can feel better. Honestly, she’d done fine until the second tile guy lost it because she asked him to replace a cracked tile and to reset another which wasn’t level with the rest.  He’d advertised himself as “no drama, no trauma.” LOL.

What did she learn? First, to trust her gut. She’d thought about terminating him the week before but was trying to adjust her expectations instead.  Sometimes the other person really is the problem.  Second, although things went poorly it wasn’t a disaster and she didn’t torture herself by dwelling on it.

So, the next time things don’t work out, look for something to be gained. Then, shift into self-care mode, breathe deeply and smile 🙂

Pick Your Pie

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Thursday "Words of Wisdom"

“For those of you who feel overwhelmed and yet can’t see what you could eliminate from your schedule, I’d like to address a few things here. First, I want you to know that life really isn’t a competition. I think we can all agree that a little competitiveness is good-it motivates, keeps us on our toes and helps us do our best. But when you feel everything you do is being compared to someone else, it can make you a little crazy!

I’m not knocking being the best at something. But there are tons of other positions in life. You’re probably familiar with them despite killing your Self to be number one. I’m urging you right now to just do the best you can (and let your kids do the same) and then relax.

Instead of ‘putting your fingers in so many pies’ I’m urging you to limit your kids’ activities to one, maybe two, things a week. Just think how much more family time you’ll have! I’m urging you to choose one, maybe two volunteer activities you feel passionate about and let the others go. You will find you have more time and energy than you’ve had in a long time. Believe me when I say no one is judging you for what you are or aren’t doing. Everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives to give yours more than a brief notice.”

Today’s author is Stacey Glaesmann, MA, LPC. Her book is What About Me?

Self-Care Is Like Chocolate

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Last week we switched to our new schedule where we’ll be blogging on Thursdays instead of Wednesdays,  However, for those of you who need some transition time, here’s another thought to help you through the week.  Keeping with our chocolate/mindfulness theme from Monday, we’d like to suggest that   “Self-care is like chocolate, only fewer calories and less guilt later.”

Like mindfulness which we posted about on Monday, self-care helps us savor life and enjoy ourselves and our loved ones.  As we’ve said many times, self-care is self-preserving not selfish.  It is a necessity for us to put our oxygen masks on first for if we perish, who remains to fill the many roles we occupy?  No one.

Each day do something good for yourself and all will benefit.  Eat chocolate, practice mindfulness, have fun, or find an activity which makes your heart sing.  Remember, there is no such thing as too much self-care and it won’t add pounds to your waistline.  Happy Wednesday!

Mindfulness: Make Each Day Count

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Jon Kabat-Zinn, Ph.D., creator of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) used worldwide to improve health and enhance wellness defines mindfulness as “Paying attention to the present moment on purpose as if your life depended on it in a non-judgemental way.”  It is slowing our lives down to notice what’s happening as its occurring instead of worrying about the future or  dwelling in the past.

Research indicates mindfulness contributes to improved physical health, greater immunity, less pain from chronic health conditions, shorter recovery times from surgery and many other mind-body benefits including decreased stress and better moods.  All it takes is time and consistent practice for it to work.

Since it’s summertime, here’s a fun way to practice.  Takie a good piece of chocolate, at least Dove, and mindfully eat it.  To start, observe the chocolate and how it appears.  Then sniff it and notice the aroma.  Feel the texture and surface of it.  Pay attention to the sounds your body makes as you draw the chocolate near.  Finally, put it in your mouth and savor the flavor, texture, taste and total sensory experience.  Mindfulness in action.

This week dedicate 10 minutes daily to pay full attention to the present moment: playing with your child, sitting/walking outside, sipping coffee/tea, washing the dishes or showering.  Any activity is an opportunity to cultivate mindfulness as long as you are fully aware of it with all your senses.  As Kabat-Zinn suggests, treat it as though “your life depended on it” and you will succeed.

New and Improved: “Words of Wisdom”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Just a quick reminder that we’re moving Wednesday Wisdom to Words of Wisdom on Thursday.  Thursday’s post will be about spirituality and self-care by a woman we admire who at 60 went back to get her Masters in Divinity.  Her story and life are an inspiration and we know you’ll enjoy what she has to say.

In the meantime, we couldn’t let you leave empty-handed.  Here are some thoughts about self-care from Vimala McClure’s The Tao of Motherhood.

“Taking care of yourself is your right and your responsibility.  If a mother values herself, her children value her.  She teaches self-esteem by her example.  Her peaceful demeanor communicates love to all who come in contact with her.

 Knowing when to sacrifice the self and when to nurture the self comes with daily mindfulness.  Pay attention to your body’s signals.  Observing your feelings each day, eventually you will be able to take time for yourself before it before it becomes an angry demand.  This enables you to give of yourself appropriately, without resentment.”

Wise words to live by.  Join us Thursday for our new and improved “Words of Wisdom.”  We welcome your contributions so send them along.

Living Self-Care: Let’s Succeed Together

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Back in January after our first self-care challenge/contest, Mollee Bauer of pregnancy.org called for a self-care revolution. While we agree wholeheartedly, it’s become clear (again) that as women this is a hard change to make.  Likewise, it’s not something that can be achieved in a week or two or done without serious effort and commitment. In our quick-fix culture, it seems that we’d often rather be entertained or distracted than dealing with our emotional health.

At Living Self-Care, we want to have fun but we also want to provide  meaningful content which will help you create an emotionally healthy life filled with joy and personal satisfaction/success . But we need your input. Please let us know what you’d like to hear about and how we can present the info in a way which is most helpful. This is your site too and your thoughts/comments are valued.

Starting today, we’ll be posting twice a week. Monday will still be thoughts for the week. Instead of Wednesday, Thursday will become “Words of Wisdom” from books we’ve read, teachers we follow, other women’s groups, and hopefully, a place for your contributions. Women’s circles are powerful because of their shared wisdom and strength and with almost 300 of us, imagine the possibilities.

Finally, we’re looking for a new subtitle for Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide. We’ve been told it’s too heavy. Our book’s about moms taking care of themselves so they can be the mom they want to. Any thoughts? Let us know. See you Thursday.

Follow Your Bliss

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Here’s another comment we wanted to share from the Self-Care Contest/Challenge. 

“Sometimes moms prioritize their kids’ needs too much and don’t focus enough on self-care. I’ve been guilty of doing that, but I’ve also learned that taking time for my kids, and the little things each day that are important enough to them that they want me to pay attention, also equals self-care. *I* get so much out of the bursts of undivided attention I give them…they teach me, they make me laugh, I just enjoy them so much that it lifts me up to lift them up and see how that little bit of attention fans the flames of their own self-love and self-confidence. I think too often we moms get caught up in all the “musts” of parenting and forget to really, truly enjoy our kids. That’s been such an important lesson for me. They feed on my love for them, I feed on their love for me, and we’re all so much happier and healthier as a result.

My 9-year-old daughter wrote a very sweet poem for me for Mother’s Day. My favorite line is this one: “The way you look at me, it’s so special…it makes me feel so loved.” WOW! If I’m succeeding at that, and nothing else in life, I’m going to consider mine a life well-lived. So for me, for now, in this moment, my kids are definitely my bliss.” :-D

Today’s author is Angela.

Contest winners will be announced Friday.  Thanks for your patience.

Wrapping Up Our Self-Care Contest/Challenge: Last Day to Enter and Win

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized

Living Self-Care: Body-Mind-Heart&Soul

 To make self-care a lasting habit, we must redefine our priorities shifting our attention from what’s urgent to what’s truly important. 

In Beyond the Eighth Habit, Steven Covey discusses four paths which correspond to the four aspects of health essential to self-care: body-to live; mind-to learn; heart-to love; and soul-to leave a legacy.  If we devote time and attention to these,  we will create optimal health, happiness, and life satisfaction, enhancing the lives of everyone around us. 

Summary Suggestions:

1.      Make your health and well-being a priority

2.      Nourish your body with food, sleep, activity and rest.

3.      Manage stress wisely.

4.      Be a positive thinker.

5.      Don’t make assumptions.

6.      Accept yourself and others wholly.

7.      Trust your inner guidance.

8.      Nourish relationships with family and friends.

9.      Respect yourself and others.

10.  Do what makes your heart sing.

11.  Practice compassion, kindness and forgiveness.

12.  Connect with spirit through gratitude, service, and intention.

While we can’t control everything, we can create a life filled with health, happiness and purpose if we align our actions and thoughts with living self-care body, mind, heart and soul.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Make it count!

Today is the final day of the Mother’s Day Self-Care Contest/Challenge.  If you haven’t subscribed to our blog yet, register by 11:59 CT tonight t win our fabulous prizes.  Thanks for joining us.  Hope you’ll stay with us and keep Living Self-Care.

Wait-Watch-Listen

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

It’s so easy to get caught up in the frenzy of daily life, we often forget that the answers to our problems aren’t instantaneous like a text message.  Because most women are “fixers,”, it’s challenging to wait for the solution to emerge rather than forcing our agenda.  One of the lessons my younger daughter taught me is to take a break when we’re at an impasse rather than pursuing her doggedly which rarely ends well.

Along these lines, I’ve been practicing the skills of “wait-watch-listen” to keep myself from overreacting to situations and build confidence that “the need goes out and the answer appears.”  While I may have been more skeptical years ago, I’ve seen enough evidence now to trust this works.  Sometimes it takes more time than I’m willing to give it, but I’m learning to be patient.

Today I had lunch with a good friend who brought me the solution to a problem I’ve had.  Although I hadn’t figured it out myself, I had decided to wait until a clear answer emerged because none of my ideas had worked.   So I kept telling myself, “Don’t take action or make any decisions until you’re certain of how to proceed.”  I wasn’t, but when my good friend made her suggestion, I knew it was the way to go.

Life has a way of unfolding although not necessarily on our schedule.  The next time you feel stuck, watch and listen for the answer you’re seeking.  It’s well worth the wait!

Loosening the Bonds of Self-Criticism

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

So, I thought I’d “mastered” blogging (lol) when I discovered Monday night I’d erased Monday’s post and on Tuesday am, didn’t schedule it right.  After chastising myself for “ruining” Monday and Tuesday, I thought I can either keep feeling bad or let it go.   Yes, it was a mistake but not fatal or harmful, except for my beating myself up.

And isn’t this how life goes?  Whether it’s being a “good enough” mom, wife, daughter, worker, blogger, we as women focus tirelessly on where we’ve fallen short, feeling worthless and unhappy.  We are our own worst critic.  We would rarely be as unforgiving of someone else.  But we’re convinced, we deserve it!

How do we get out of this rut?  First, by practicing self-care and making our health and well-being a priority.  My “mistakes” followed two crazy weeks of non-stop activity but I was so energized by what I was doing, I told myself that would carry me through.  It didn’t.  The more depleted we become, the more likely we are to make mistakes, and vulnerable to self-criticism because negative thinking comes easier and seems truer.

Next, we need to “befriend” ourselves and extend the same kindness and generosity we would to a good friend who was feeling badly about herself.  Yes, it’s okay to treat ourselves as well as others.  It is the key to releasing self-criticism, knowing we are deserving of love although we are imperfect and make mistakes.  Unconditional love towards ourselves. 

A most important self-care skill to practice.