Tag: living self-care

Self-Care Is Like Chocolate

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Last week we switched to our new schedule where we’ll be blogging on Thursdays instead of Wednesdays,  However, for those of you who need some transition time, here’s another thought to help you through the week.  Keeping with our chocolate/mindfulness theme from Monday, we’d like to suggest that   “Self-care is like chocolate, only fewer calories and less guilt later.”

Like mindfulness which we posted about on Monday, self-care helps us savor life and enjoy ourselves and our loved ones.  As we’ve said many times, self-care is self-preserving not selfish.  It is a necessity for us to put our oxygen masks on first for if we perish, who remains to fill the many roles we occupy?  No one.

Each day do something good for yourself and all will benefit.  Eat chocolate, practice mindfulness, have fun, or find an activity which makes your heart sing.  Remember, there is no such thing as too much self-care and it won’t add pounds to your waistline.  Happy Wednesday!

New and Improved: “Words of Wisdom”

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Just a quick reminder that we’re moving Wednesday Wisdom to Words of Wisdom on Thursday.  Thursday’s post will be about spirituality and self-care by a woman we admire who at 60 went back to get her Masters in Divinity.  Her story and life are an inspiration and we know you’ll enjoy what she has to say.

In the meantime, we couldn’t let you leave empty-handed.  Here are some thoughts about self-care from Vimala McClure’s The Tao of Motherhood.

“Taking care of yourself is your right and your responsibility.  If a mother values herself, her children value her.  She teaches self-esteem by her example.  Her peaceful demeanor communicates love to all who come in contact with her.

 Knowing when to sacrifice the self and when to nurture the self comes with daily mindfulness.  Pay attention to your body’s signals.  Observing your feelings each day, eventually you will be able to take time for yourself before it before it becomes an angry demand.  This enables you to give of yourself appropriately, without resentment.”

Wise words to live by.  Join us Thursday for our new and improved “Words of Wisdom.”  We welcome your contributions so send them along.

Living Self-Care: Let’s Succeed Together

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Back in January after our first self-care challenge/contest, Mollee Bauer of pregnancy.org called for a self-care revolution. While we agree wholeheartedly, it’s become clear (again) that as women this is a hard change to make.  Likewise, it’s not something that can be achieved in a week or two or done without serious effort and commitment. In our quick-fix culture, it seems that we’d often rather be entertained or distracted than dealing with our emotional health.

At Living Self-Care, we want to have fun but we also want to provide  meaningful content which will help you create an emotionally healthy life filled with joy and personal satisfaction/success . But we need your input. Please let us know what you’d like to hear about and how we can present the info in a way which is most helpful. This is your site too and your thoughts/comments are valued.

Starting today, we’ll be posting twice a week. Monday will still be thoughts for the week. Instead of Wednesday, Thursday will become “Words of Wisdom” from books we’ve read, teachers we follow, other women’s groups, and hopefully, a place for your contributions. Women’s circles are powerful because of their shared wisdom and strength and with almost 300 of us, imagine the possibilities.

Finally, we’re looking for a new subtitle for Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide. We’ve been told it’s too heavy. Our book’s about moms taking care of themselves so they can be the mom they want to. Any thoughts? Let us know. See you Thursday.

Follow Your Bliss

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Here’s another comment we wanted to share from the Self-Care Contest/Challenge. 

“Sometimes moms prioritize their kids’ needs too much and don’t focus enough on self-care. I’ve been guilty of doing that, but I’ve also learned that taking time for my kids, and the little things each day that are important enough to them that they want me to pay attention, also equals self-care. *I* get so much out of the bursts of undivided attention I give them…they teach me, they make me laugh, I just enjoy them so much that it lifts me up to lift them up and see how that little bit of attention fans the flames of their own self-love and self-confidence. I think too often we moms get caught up in all the “musts” of parenting and forget to really, truly enjoy our kids. That’s been such an important lesson for me. They feed on my love for them, I feed on their love for me, and we’re all so much happier and healthier as a result.

My 9-year-old daughter wrote a very sweet poem for me for Mother’s Day. My favorite line is this one: “The way you look at me, it’s so special…it makes me feel so loved.” WOW! If I’m succeeding at that, and nothing else in life, I’m going to consider mine a life well-lived. So for me, for now, in this moment, my kids are definitely my bliss.” :-D

Today’s author is Angela.

Contest winners will be announced Friday.  Thanks for your patience.

A Shout Out to All Moms

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Friday Funnies

This is one of our favorite videos about motherhood.  Since Wednesday’s post was on loosening the bonds of self-criticism, it seemed fitting to consider all the things that moms do each day which go unrecognized.  It’s exhausting to think about but deserving of our attention.

Instead of putting ourselves down, we need to remember to pat ourselves on the back whether anyone else does.  To appreciate all our hard work which keeps our families going.  But it’s Friday, so for now have fun with this YouTube video and take some me-time this weekend.

Loosening the Bonds of Self-Criticism

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

So, I thought I’d “mastered” blogging (lol) when I discovered Monday night I’d erased Monday’s post and on Tuesday am, didn’t schedule it right.  After chastising myself for “ruining” Monday and Tuesday, I thought I can either keep feeling bad or let it go.   Yes, it was a mistake but not fatal or harmful, except for my beating myself up.

And isn’t this how life goes?  Whether it’s being a “good enough” mom, wife, daughter, worker, blogger, we as women focus tirelessly on where we’ve fallen short, feeling worthless and unhappy.  We are our own worst critic.  We would rarely be as unforgiving of someone else.  But we’re convinced, we deserve it!

How do we get out of this rut?  First, by practicing self-care and making our health and well-being a priority.  My “mistakes” followed two crazy weeks of non-stop activity but I was so energized by what I was doing, I told myself that would carry me through.  It didn’t.  The more depleted we become, the more likely we are to make mistakes, and vulnerable to self-criticism because negative thinking comes easier and seems truer.

Next, we need to “befriend” ourselves and extend the same kindness and generosity we would to a good friend who was feeling badly about herself.  Yes, it’s okay to treat ourselves as well as others.  It is the key to releasing self-criticism, knowing we are deserving of love although we are imperfect and make mistakes.  Unconditional love towards ourselves. 

A most important self-care skill to practice.

PPD Recovery and Renewal

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Uncategorized, Wednesday Wisdom

I was listening to a mother in our postpartum support group as she described small victories; she was recovering from postpartum depression (PPD) and was feeling good about herself and how far she had come. I wondered why more women don’t celebrate recovery and victory over depression, anxiety, grief, and other emotional challenges.

A few years ago while offering phone support, one mom mentioned that after recovering from PPD, her Mother-in-law said she didn’t like who she’d become. Why was that?  What was different about her? She’d emerged a stronger, more confident woman, able to voice her needs and take care of herself.  A well-fought victory!  We laughed about her mother-in-law’s reaction and celebrated the woman she is now who is so different than when I first spoke to her.

After two personal experiences with PPD, I like the woman and mother I have become. I feel strong for fighting and winning against PPD, to date it is the most difficult thing I have experienced in my life. Now I ask for what I want and take care of my needs. I have self confidence in who I am and my abilities as a mother. That terrible experience molded me into the person I am today. Today, celebrate the woman you are becoming and have become!

Real Moms Geralyn and Linda

Linda Meyer is the Executive Director of Mother to Mother in St. Louis, MO. Mother to Mother offers telephone and group support to women experiencing emotional difficulties during pregnancy and postpartum.

More Spring Cleaning

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Monday Musings

Here are some additional thoughts on how to renew ourselves and release old, worn thoughts and habits.  Spring cleaning from the inside out.

Discover what’s nourishing.  Just as plants need water and sunshine to grow, we need physical, emotional, and spiritual sustenance.  Start with eating healthy foods, getting regular physical activity, sleeping 8-9 hours, and taking breaks for your mind and body.  Do one thing you enjoy daily, whether it’s phoning a friend, listening to music or walking your dog.  Nurture your spirit through prayer, meditation, or communing with nature. 

Let go of un-nourishing relationships.  Being honest about admitting and detaching from relationships which aren’t good anymore can still hurt especially   ones involving family and long-term friends.  If we’ve spoken to them about what needs to be different and things haven’t changed over time, release them with love.   Clearing space for nourishing relationships to enter.

Cultivate optimism.  Looking more on the “sunny” side of life can be learned by shifting attention away from negative thoughts to more positive ones.  There are few situations which are all good or all bad.  Our great job may sour when we get a new boss.   An untimely move lead to a wonderful neighborhood with friends with love.  Prune your mind of unnecessary negativity. 

Practice gratitude. 

Photo by Real Mom Kim

When we feel grateful, our souls are nourished and restored.  We have a more positive attitude toward today and what lies ahead.  We feel connected to something bigger than ourselves.  Supported in the deepest sense.  Abundant and alive.

Hello, Me. Long Time No See.

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Wednesday Wisdom

Something happened when I became a mother.

I became disconnected from my thoughts, feelings and desires. With two little people depending on me, I spent my time on their needs and wants. When I wasn’t taking care of them, I shifted my attention to my work, husband and home life. Then, back to the kids.

Gone were the childfree days of college and young professional life, when I would spend hours alone, contemplating my place in the world, journaling (oh, the journals I have filled!), taking long walks in the woods, imagining life’s possibilities and going after them one by one.

As a mom, my only times alone with my thoughts have been 10 minutes in the shower or commuting to work. And guess what I was thinking? “Man, this shower feels good” or “I really hate this $#&@ing traffic.” Deep stuff.

Perhaps because my almost-5-year-old is more independent and my 19-month-old is no longer a baby, I’m now emerging from the mom-cocoon. It also helps that I work for myself, from home, with child care. As I poke my head (antennae?) out, I’m looking around saying, “What about me? What do I want?”

I’m allowing myself to move up my priority list. How do I want to spend my time? What do I want to experience or accomplish? It’s exciting to ponder these questions. I’m still a mom, with all the responsibilities and joys that come with it. But I’m also a person — who’s enjoying getting reacquainted with herself again.

Today’s author Susan is co-founder of Working Moms Against Guilt.

Cloth or Disposable…And Other Choices Moms Must Make

Posted on by Dr. Diane Sanford in Tuesday Tips

As soon as a woman announces that she has a positive pregnancy test, everyone has their advice and questions on choices she must make.  Will you have an epidural or not?  Will you use cloth or disposable? and the list goes on.  This myriad of opinions can feel overwhelming, confusing, and even irritating as a woman begins her journey towards motherhood.

Because women have been conditioned to nurture and please others, we agonize over choices, worrying we are going to hurt someone’s feelings by not doing it their way or that we will make a “wrong” decision and harm our children.   Society exerts considerable pressure to conform and attain a level of perfection in mothering that is impossible. 

But parenting is more of an art than a science.  Intuition is as important as what experts say.  Learning to be ourselves and accept our choices, whether they conform or differ from others, is an important part of the journey of becoming a mom.  The ability to transcend the opinions of others and make our own best choices enables us to become the mothers our children need instead of anxious, guilt-ridden mothers subject to the popular opinions of the media or others. 

Following our intuition means we must take time to know ourselves, to nourish ourselves and to trust ourselves; it means we must take time for self-care or the voices around us will drown our own.

Jamie Bodily is founder and director of ParentsCount which provides birth and postpartum doula services, childbirth education and counseling.